


Time Falls Away

by NotEvenCloseToStraight



Series: All The Time In The World [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst and Fluff, BAMF Peggy Carter, Blowjobs, Boot Camp, Developing, Falling In Love, First Kisses, First Times, Fluff and Smut, Howard And Stony Friendship, M/M, Peggy And Steve Are in Love, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Rewriting CATFA, Secret Relationship, Shower Sex, Sneaking Around, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Lovers, Super Soldier Serum, Time Travel, Tony Feels, Tony Meets Howard, Tony centric, Winter Soldier Bucky, With Tony in the Background, different first meeting, the Howling Commandos, winteriron
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-22
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-05-26 17:14:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 79,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotEvenCloseToStraight/pseuds/NotEvenCloseToStraight
Summary: The Battle of New York: Tony flies himself and the nuke through the wormhole and when his suit shuts down and he starts to fall, he knows he's going to die.But then he wakes up in an alley in Brooklyn, two strangers staring down at him in confusion and Tony is sure he is dreaming when he shakes hands first with pre-serum Steve Rogers, and then Bucky Barnes.Trapped in 1942, Tony befriends Steve, and falls in love with Bucky but America is at war, and Bucky and Steve ship out to join the cause.Tony knows all the stories about the Howling Commandos and knows what’s coming for the soldiers, and has to live through history as first Bucky falls, and then Steve disappears.Tony is left alone in the 40's, crying himself to sleep in the house he had shared with his best friend and his lover.But then he wakes up on the pavement in New York, the Hulk roaring in his face, Steve staring down at him, and he has to wonder if it was all a hallucination.When Tony fell through the sky, did he fall through time as well? Why does Steve act so cold towards him? Were he and Bucky really that happy together?Did it all really happen, or is Tony in love with a life he can only have in his dreams?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This will be a two-book series!
> 
> BUCKLE UP because its going to be a ride!

_Less than a minute._ **  
**

That’s how long Tony had to redirect the nuke and send it through the portal splitting open the sky above New York before it detonated.

_Less than a minute._

Pepper’s phone just kept ringing and ringing and ringing and Tony didn’t know if he was heartbroken that he wouldn’t get to say goodbye, or relieved that he wouldn’t have to hear her cry.

_Less than a minute._

The seconds were ticking away and Tony put every bit of power he could into his thrusters, forcing himself and the bomb straight towards the sky, climbing higher and higher until he burst through into a whole other world.

 _Less than a minute_.

Space was supposed to be empty, but it was crawling with life, with aliens, with  _machines_ hell bent on destroying his world, and then the nuke exploded and it was glorious in some sort of horrifying way.

 _Less than a minute_ , and JARVIS faded out and all Tony could see was darkness.

They say your life flashes before your eyes when you die, but Tony  _knew_ he was dying and he wasn’t  _seeing_ anything.

But he could hear was mother’s voice in the back of his head, singing that sweet song about little wonders and small hours, and time falling away–

And then  _Tony_ was falling away, down and down through the empty void, the wormhole closing beneath him, and Tony thought that he had never been more terrified to fall than he was right now.

 _Less than a minute_ , and it would all be over and Tony thought that he had never been more terrified to fall than he was right now.

And then everything went black.

************************

************************

“Dunno why you stepped in, I could’a taken care of myself. The guy wasn’t even all that big.”

“Right. Which is why I’m pickin’ ya up outta the trash, huh?”

“Shut up! I would’a been fine!”

“You were holdin’ a damn trash can lid. You  _weren’t_ fine!”

The argument was enough to startle Tony wide awake, and he came back to himself with a coughing fit, choking on a harsh inhale, breath catching in his chest.

Everything hurt and he was completely disoriented and what the  _hell_ was that god awful stench and  _why_ was he lying on garbage?

 _Oh_.

 _Oh_ , he was in a dumpster.

_What the hell?_

Tony closed his eyes and counted to ten before opening them again, but somehow he was  _still_ in a dumpster.

Why… why was he in a dumpster? Did he fall out of the wormhole and into a trash heap? That didn’t seem right. Where was the rest of the team? Why was everything so quiet? There should have been screaming and explosions and jets flying over head and–

“I’m just saying, you didn’t have to intervene.” The voices were closer now, arguing louder. “I’m fine!”

“Dammit I think ya busted your nose again.” This one, soft and rolling with an unmistakable Brooklyn accent. “I gotta set it soon as I can.”

“Just bloody is all.” a loud sniff. “Doesn’t really hurt.”

“You know I can tell when you’re lyin’ dummy. Let’s just get home and get ya cleaned up and then we can—

Two men came around the corner of the alley and stopped in their tracks when they saw Tony sprawled out in the pile of filth.

The first was tall and brunette, a cocky tilt to his head, with a smile and no doubt a snarky comment already forming on his lips as he looked Tony over curiously, blue eyes flicking over Tony’s jeans, around the dirty alley and back to Tony again.

The other was blond and tiny, no more than five and a half feet at the most, bony and sickly looking, with a bloody nose and stubborn scowl on his face that said he couldn’t give  _two shits_ about what Tony was doing in the trash.

He was also entirely  _familiar_ , and Tony couldn’t stop staring at him, his mouth falling open a little bit as he realized exactly who the blonde reminded him of.

_…Steve?_

“What’r’ya looking at?” the blonde scowled harder when Tony didn’t look away, folding thin arms against a thinner chest, the spark in his eye just  _daring_ Tony to say the wrong thing. “You got a problem with me?”

“He’s probably lookin’ at your damn bloody nose and wondering how the hell someone your size got in another fight!” the brunette scoffed, pushing the shorter man lightly. “Quit being such a punk.”

To Tony, “What’r’ya doin’ in the trash, huh? I know Brooklyn nights can be rough but I gotta say I never woke up in an alley after one. What happened to you?”

“I–I–” Tony cleared his throat, trying to find his voice. “I’m not really sure.”

He glanced around the narrow alley, at the brick buildings rising on either side of him. There was a distinct  _quiet_ that spoke of no traffic, and beneath the smell of the trash was a lack of pollution or even the scent of food carts or local restaurants. There were definitely not enough people on the street to be Manhattan, but that would mean he wasn’t in Manhattan anymore, and that– that was impossible, right?

 _Right_?

“What’s the last thing you remember?” one of them asked. “Do you remember falling asleep here?”

“I definitely don’t remember falling asleep here.” Tony swallowed back a hysterical little laugh, because the last the last thing he remember was– was–

_The portal. The Chitauri. Darkness. His mother singing. Falling._

“Um, the last thing I remember–” he blinked several times, everything wrong about the situation catching up to him all at once.

He  _had_ fallen, hadn’t he? He should be dead. He should be dead. Why was he alive? Why was he in Brooklyn?

Tony pressed a hand to the arc reactor to try and settle himself, the cool metal and constant ache in his bones usually able to bring him back to himself, to stave off the nightmares he had after Afghanistan, to bring him back from the anxiety that had only grown worse with the palladium poisoning.

It was a constant reminder that he was alive, that he had survived, that he had a reason to continue on when things got dark, that he had a heart and a drive and a  _purpose_ and—

—and it wasn’t there.

His hand met his sternum, the bone whole and strong, not shattered and carved out to hold the arc reactor and Tony looked down at his chest in confusion, then up at the two strangers in an outright panic.

It had taken a few minutes for the initial shock to wear off, a few moments for Tony to straighten his thoughts out but those few minutes were over and everything about every bit of this was  _wrong wrong wrong._

_What the hell was happening?_

Tony’s chest tightened, his breath coming faster, black spots dancing in front of his eyes, all strong indicators that he was well on his way to a full blown panic attack.

“Oh shit.” He gasped, a hand over where the arc reactor should be, the other one curling into the dirt at his knees, desperate for something anything to keep him grounded. “I thought I died. I thought I was going to die– oh god the last thing I remember is–shit– did I die? Is this– what the hell is this?”  

He barely registered two pairs of hands hauling him up and out of the dumpster, getting him to the ground as smoothly as they could. 

“Hey.” the blonde moved to crouch in front of him, obviously concerned by the terror that crossed Tony’s face, the obnoxious tone melting to something softer. “Hey, s’alright. You’re not over there anymore, you’re in Brooklyn. Back home in the states. You aren’t over there anymore, it’s alright. You’re  _safe_.”  

“Breathe through it, soldier.” The brunette came towards him as well, big hands on Tony’s shoulders to steady his shaking, his voice low and soothing. “Breathe through it. Everything’s fine. Haven’t been home real long, have you? When did you get back?”

“Home?” Tony repeated shakily. “When did I get back  _home_?”

“When did you get off the ship and released from your unit?” he clarified. “What unit were you in, we can at least get ya over to the center so they can help you. What neighborhood you from? We can get you home if you can tell us a few things. Come on, breathe with me soldier, we’ll get ya through it.”

“M–my unit?” Tony stammered. “I’m not in the army, not a  _soldier_. Not in the– why would you think I was in the army?”

“You jus’ look like old man Parker did when he came home.” the blonde explained, holding Tony’s hand tight. “He’d black out and then wake up thinkin’ he was still fighting in Europe, you know? Nightmares about the war and all that. Figured you were doin’ the same thing.”

“Oh.” Tony started breathing a little easier with both of them next to him, the solid hands on his shoulders, the lighter hand in his own. “Oh, uh yeah. I mean no. Not the war. But yeah, blacking out. Nightmares. Caused by– by– I’ve got an old injury.”

Alright, at least that wasn’t  _completely_ a lie. Afghanistan and the arc reactor and  _everything_ about the last few years certainly gave him nightmares, even though the blacking out and waking up in a dumpster sure was new.

Tony was  _not_ a fan.

But his vision was clearing, heart rate slowing with the calming presences next to him, and once he stopped shaking, the men leaned away to give him some space to breathe.

“Better?” the brunette asked softly, blue eyes concerned. “Gonna be alright?”

“Thank you.” Tony put his face in his hands, then jerked away with a muttered, “Oh  _god_ , I stink.”

“You’ve been layin’ in a trash heap.” the blonde pointed out. “Why don’t you come up to our place, get you washed up. You’ll feel better once you get outta here.”

“If it isn’t too much trouble.” Tony pulled every bit of his self control together to force himself to stand, brushing the mess off his jeans and tshirt as best as he could. “I would love a wash up. Maybe a little bit to eat if you can spare it. And maybe I can figure what the  _fuck_ is going on.”

“Language.” the blonde said mildly and it was so  _familiar_ that Tony’s head shot up again, his eyes narrowing.

“Lay off him, Stevie.” the brunette shoved at him again. “Guy’s just woken up in a dumpster. He can curse if he wants’ta.”

“I’m jus’ sayin–!”

“ _Stevie_?” Tony repeated, the name tumbling around his head, mixing with that familiar voice and the stubborn scowl and. “Is that… I mean, is it  _Steve_?”

“Steve Rogers.” he stuck his hand out for Tony to shake. “Buck’s the only one that calls me Stevie, so please don’t do that because I kind of hate it. Sorry about the language thing, kind of an issue with me.”

“Uh, it’s fine.” Tony couldn’t take his eyes off the scrappy blonde, thoroughly unnerved by looking  _down_ at Steve, by hearing that brash, All-American tone of voice coming from someone who could be taken out by a decent sneeze.

“Steve Rogers.” he finally shook Steve’s hand, working to hide his shock over how delicate the fingers were. “Nice to meet you.  _Officially_ meet you, I mean. Wow, this is–this is kind of–”

Steve was looking at him as if he were crazy, so Tony stopped mid sentence with a sheepish smile, turning his attention to Steve’s friend.  

“James Barnes.” the brunette stuck his hand out next, and Tony shook it as well, raising his eyebrows when his own hand all but disappeared in the warm grip. “But you can call me Bucky.”

“Bucky.” Tony nodded, then his eyes widened and, “ _You’re_ Bucky Barnes?”

“Sure am.” Bucky patted Tony on the back. “Lets get ya outta here and cleaned up, huh? Get you a sandwich or a little soup.”

“Got a name we can call you?” Steve picked his way through the garbage, heading back towards the street. “Or maybe you don’t remember that either?”

“Tony. You can call me… Tony.”

“Well heya Tony.” Bucky sent him a smile that had _no business_ being that flirty. “Good to know you.”

Tony chalked his blush up to the confusion over this whole mess, and not the charm pouring from the boy with the Brooklyn accent. He was not blushing over Bucky Barnes flirting with him.  _No way_. 

“One more thing.” He said, stumbling over an uneven part of the street. “Could you tell me what year it is?”

“It’s 1942, Tony.” Bucky supplied, grabbing Tony’s arm so he wouldn’t trip again. “What year did you think it was?”

“1942.” Tony ran his hand over the posters lining the outside wall of the shop they passed.

“Uncle Sam wants you.” he muttered. “Loose Lips Sink Ships. Rosie the Riveter. Jesus  _fucking_ –”

Then he looked up at the pair in front of  him, a smart-mouthed pre serum Steve, and the not-yet-a-sergeant James Buchanan Barnes.

His whole life, Tony had heard the stories of these men. He had walked through the Smithsonian enough times to memorize the displays. He had listened to Howard reminiscing with Uncle Dugan as they shared a drink at the end of every week. Aunt Peggy carried a picture of Steve in her locket every day. Poker nights with the rest of the team happened once a month at the Stark home until one by one, there were less and less of the old soldiers around the table.

And all the stories revolved around Steve and Bucky.

Steve had led the team, Bucky was always right behind him. Bucky with his rifle, Steve with his shield. Steve running headlong into a battle, Bucky cursing and swearing and screaming to  _wait_ for the rest of the team. The day Bucky fell, and the day Steve put the plane down over the North Pole.

Bucky was the only Howling Commando not to come home, Steve was the one they found in the ice. Bucky was still  _gone_ , Steve had just been saving New York with the rest of the Avengers.

They were legends, immortal tales of bravery, heroes.

But standing in front of Tony right now, they were just Steve and Bucky.

Not soldiers, not heroes. Not bitter, not hurting. Not missing and not  _dead_.

This couldn’t be real.

“Tony!” Steve called and waved for him to hurry. “Come on! I’ll get you a sandwich!”

 _Captain America wants to make me a sandwich._  Tony thought hysterically, starting to feel a little light headed again over the whole situation. _Pint sized Captain America wants to make me a sandwich?_

“1942.” Tony said out loud. “This is going to be a hell of a year, isn’t it?”

“Well, it should certainly get a lot more interesting  _now_.” Bucky agreed, his eyes sliding down over Tony’s body in undisguised interest. “Don’t ya think?”

_Oh shit._

Tony felt light headed for a completely different reason, then.

_1942._

_He must be dreaming._

_This couldn’t be real._


	2. Chapter 2

The bathroom in Steve and Bucky’s apartment was small enough that Tony had to step into the shower and lean over the toilet just to have enough room to shut the door without it hitting himself in the face and that was equal parts hilarious and almost enough to send him into a panic attack.

In fact, Tony was so close to having a break down, that when his legs gave out he didn’t even attempt to catch himself when he fell and he sank to the shower floor in a shaking heap, drawing his knees up to his chest and hiding his face.

_What the hell happened?_

_The wormhole in the sky_. Yeah, he remembered that vividly, the sinking feeling in his gut that had made him nauseous, the sheer disbelief over the amount of creatures pouring from it, the shock at the size of the creatures and how helpless it had all seemed.

 _The bomb_. The closest Fury had ever come to sounding panicked, telling Tony over the ear piece that there was a nuke heading for the city, that the Council had decided to sacrifice Manhattan in an attempt to destroy the aliens as well.

 _Less than a minute_. Tony knew he had saved the world when he let the nuke go into the void, when the explosion had whited out his vision.

And then he fell, down down down and then apparently  _through_ something because he had landed in dumpster in the 1940’s.

_Yep. Panic attack._

Suddenly grateful for the proximity of the toilet, Tony leaned over and was instantly sick.

***********************

“Think he’s alright?” Steve asked, slumping into one of the kitchen chairs, a hand to his chest as he tried to breathe. “Sure seems confused, don’t he?”

“Yeah, well–” the sound of retching came from the bathroom, and Bucky flinched. “– hopefully it’s just a bad hangover, even though I can’t imagine what he drank to wake up feelin’ like  _that_.”

“He said he isn’t a soldier.” Steve pointed out. “But he sure acts like he’s seen war. All panicky like that? How d’ya think he ended up here?”

“Hell if I know, Stevie.” Bucky dug through their ice box for a bag of frozen peas and wrapped it in a towel before holding it out to Steve. “But I’ll tell ya, I’ve found a lot’a stuff in the alley? But never someone as cute as him.”

“I dunno about that.” Steve held the make shift ice pack to his already bruising eye. “One time Sissy O’Reilly was down there, remember? I think she’s the prettiest thing to ever end up in our alley.”

“Yeah, I remember.” Bucky started rummaging through their less than full cupboards for some bread and peanut butter. “I remember your scrawny ass having an resp’tory attack because her skirt was up around her knees, that’s what  _I_  remember.”

“It was up around her thighs.” Steve scowled up at his best friend. “And I remember  _you_ staring long enough that she threw her shoe at your big head.”

“Yeah, well she danced with me all night the next night, didn’t she?” Bucky waggled his eyebrows as he put the kettle on, prepping water for the ginger tea Steve drank to help control his asthma.

“Right.” Steve scoffed at him. “And  _you_ spent half the night staring at Billy, didn’t even notice Sissy trying to get her hands in your pants.”

“Stevie.” Bucky flicked an anxious glance towards the bathroom, worried that their mysterious guest would overhear. “ _Quiet_. Can’t joke about that when other people are around.”  

“Sorry.” Steve put the ice pack down on the table and lay his face right on it. “My nose hurts.”

“Broken?”

“I don’t think so.”

“What were you fighting over this time, Stevie?” Bucky blew out a deep breath and started unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt. “Huh? Who mouthed off?”

“Some asshole at the recruitment office.” Steve reached into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled piece of paper. “Laughed at me when they called my name. Told me he’d seen girls that were better fit to be soldiers than me.”

Bucky smoothed out the paper, frowning down at the bright red 4F that declared Steve unfit for service. “And what did you say?”

“Didn’t say nothing!”

“Stevie.”

“….told him with teeth like that, he belonged pulling a cart cause that’s all donkeys are good for.” Steve mumbled.

“And he took you outside and kicked your ass?”

“And he took me outside and kicked my ass.”

“God dammit.” Bucky dropped into the other chair and stared at him. “ _Dammit_ , Steve! Give it up, will you? How many is this, three? You shouldn’t want to be a soldier, you shouldn’t want to go to war! You can barely survive walking up the stairs, why do you think you will survive–”

“Because it’s  _right_!” Steve cut in. “This is what I’m supposed to do! My country is at war, and I have no right to sit at home and let you go fight it by yourself! They shouldn’t tell me no just because I’m sick! They need willing men to be soldiers!”

“They need  _able-bodied_  men to be soldiers.” Bucky said firmly, and Steve sat back with a sulky frown. “ _Able bodied_. Now come on, Stevie, let’s not fight about this again. I’m expecting my orders any day now and I don’t want to leave worrying that you’re gonna go and do something stupid while I’m gone!”    

Steve just groaned at him, and put his head back down on the table.

Bucky reached over and ran his fingers through Steve’s hair affectionately. “I’m up for promotion, Steve. Be making better money here soon. I can send it home so you can go back to art school. That will make you happy.”

“Right.” Steve didn’t look up, but his thin shoulders slumped in defeat. “Art school.”

******************

******************

It took Tony a good twenty minutes to work himself down from his panic attack.

He had thrown up twice, each time rinsing his mouth out with water that tasted of iron from the old pipes, and now he was standing in front of the small mirror with his shirt off, staring at his chest.

There wasn’t an arc reactor, and there were no scars. No stitches holding him together, no raise scar tissue, no hole in his chest.

 _Nothing_.

His hair looked fuller, his face a little younger, and all the worry lines that none of Pepper’s expensive creams had erased were gone.

“Am I thirty?” he wondered, touching his reflection in the glass. “I  _look_ thirty. How am I supposed to–”

Well, there was  _one_ sure fireway to find out if he was older than thirty in this timeline.

Tony peered down at his bellybutton, running his fingers carefully over the skin feeling for the tell-tale bump that was all that was left of a navel-piercing incident that included entirely too much alcohol and one overly confident James Rhodes who had  _sworn_ he knew how to pierce a belly button, and Tony, who had barely been able to stand straight, and had dared Rhodey to go ahead pierce his belly button if the man was so sure if he could do it.

Tony had screeched over the pain, Rhodey had mangled the entire process, and after a week of infection and quite a bit more alcohol, Tony had been left with a bump just above his navel, and a best friend who couldn’t even look at him without cracking up laughing.

Pepper had been the least amused she had ever been and the two had never lived it down.

But now– Tony pressed at his stomach again. No bump. There was no bump and no arc reactor scars and  _oh_ look at that– he twisted to look at his side. No scar from yet another incident drunken shenanigan that he and Rhodey had sworn each other to silence over.

“I’m not even thirty.” Tony gaped down at his body. “Good  _Christ_.”

Panic again, welling up in his core and showing itself in a nervous sort of giggle as he grabbed at the basin edge hard enough to hurt his hands.

_How was this real?_

“Tony?” A light tap at the door. “You alright in there? We got a sandwich for you, something to drink if you want?”

“Um.” Tony squeezed his eyes shut, then forced them open again. “Yep. A sandwich sounds great. Just need another minute.”

More water splashed on his face, a tentative touch over where his arc reactor should have sat, and Tony threw his shoulders back, straightening up with a determined scowl.

Time travel. De-aging a decade or so. It was fine. Not the weirdest thing he had encountered– he was friends with  _Thor_ after all– so really it was just something else to face.

He was fine.

Stark men are Iron Men, isn’t that what his dad always said?

Suit or not, he was  _fine_.

…wasn’t he?

*****************

*****************

Tony managed to slip out of the bathroom unnoticed by Steve or Bucky, and he took the opportunity to look around their apartment, trying to get a better feel for the men he only really knew stories about.

Even knowing Steve as Captain America hadn’t told Tony anything about the man. He knew Cap had a solid right punch, a jawline that could hammer steel, and a scowl that could shame a nun– and that was it.

As panicky as he was feeling about being seventy years out of his time, Tony was curious, he had to  _know_ , so instead of calling out to the two other men, he stayed quiet and just observed.

It had been three flights up from the street to get to the apartment– three flights of narrow stairs and dark landings and questionably sticky hand railings and Tony had never missed his elevator more in his life.

He hadn’t even really checked out the space once Bucky had opened the door the first time, heading instead to the bathroom, so now Tony spent several minutes looking around the apartment.

Or rather, the postage stamp that was  _masquerading_ as an apartment.

It felt impossibly small, a kitchen that was nothing more than a stove and sink at a wall, a living room with a raggedy couch shoved into a corner. Two doors, one opening into a bedroom with a twin sized bed, the other door closed.

The pipes in the bathroom had made a terrible noise when he turned on the water to wash his hands, and Tony— well Tony had known that Steve had been poor, had known that life before becoming Captain America had been rough.

But this?

“Here.” Bucky was handing Steve a cup of tea when Tony finally looked back at them. “Drink it all, yeah?”

“I know.” Steve grumbled, holding what looked like a pack of peas to his face. “I know how to drink tea.”

“Well quit bitchin’ and do it then.” Bucky tossed the frozen bag back into the ice box, then dropped his hands to Steve’s shoulders and started rubbing gently. “Your eye alright?”

“Gonna have a shiner.” Steve took an obedient sip. “But I think that’s the worst of it this time around.” 

“Jesus Christ.” One of Bucky’s hands slid up to tangle in Steve’s hair. “I leave you for a few weeks and you’re letting your hair grow out, getting in fights. You’re a  _mess_ , Stevie. Maybe I should stay home, huh? Make sure you don’t go off half cocked and get yourself killed?”

“I’m fine, Buck. I’ll survive without you.” Steve leaned back into the touch. “Been doin’ alright so far.”

“You’ve been doin’  _terrible_ so far.” Bucky corrected, and let his hands linger a minute longer, an indulgent smile on his face. “But whatever you wanna say, punk.”

“Jerk.” Steve bit back, but there was no heat in the words, and they stayed together for another long minute, pain creasing Steve’s face as an ache settled into his body after taking a few punches, his eye swelling nearly closed. “I’m gonna miss ya, Buck.”

“Yeah. Yeah I know.”

Still standing by the bathroom door, Tony suddenly felt like an intruder, like he was spying on a private moment, so he tried to backpedal, to step back into the bathroom without drawing any attention to himself.

But of course, he tripped over an uneven board and clattered into the wall, and Steve and Bucky broke apart, Steve’s smile polite and welcoming, Bucky’s eyes lingering on the tracks of tears on Tony’s face, at the flush in his cheeks from his anxiety.

“Alright, Tony?” he asked, raising his eyebrows. “How you feeling?”

“Like I need a drink.” Tony said truthfully. “But I’d settle for a sandwich.”

“We can do that.” Steve shoved a plate further across the table. “S’nothing fancy but should keep you from starving. You get your head cleared a little?”

“Maybe a little.” Tony paused when Bucky pushed a chair out for him, glancing up into the light blue eyes. “Thank you.”

Bucky didn’t answer, only winked and went to pour a glass of milk.

“So, Tony.” Steve took another drink of his tea, grimacing at the taste. “Last name? Where you from?”

“Carbonell.” Tony said without thinking, his mother’s maiden name tumbling from his lips. “Anthony Carbonell but everyone just calls me Tony. And I– well I live in California. Well, I lived in California for a long time.”

“Wow.” Bucky whistled, setting a glass of cold milk in front of Tony. “Long way from home, huh? If you aren’t a soldier, what brought you all the way to the city?”

“….work?” Tony gulped at the milk as he tried to come up with an answer. “Yep. Work. I am into mechanics. Cars, engines, that sort of thing. Been working lately with um, flying things?” he made a motion with his hand. “Planes and that sort of thing.”

“Well you’re in the right place.” Bucky gestured out the window to the outline of a factory just on the other side of the railroad tracks, barely visible in the already fading light. “War means production has tripled at some of the factories, you’ll have no problem finding a job.”

“You could get him in at the shoe factory?” Steve suggested and Bucky nodded in agreement. “Buck worked the floor at the shop across the tracks.” he said when Tony glanced between them in confusion. “He left when he enlisted but–”

“I’m sure I’ll be back working there after the wars over.” Bucky finished. “Nothin’ glamorous, but it pays the bills. Would be an easy job for you to step in to if you have half a mind to stick around. I’m happy to take you by tomorrow if you want.”

“You need a place to sleep?” Steve inclined his head towards their living room. “More than welcome to stay on the couch.”

“You want me to sleep on your couch.” Tony repeated. “ _Really_?”

“You don’t hafta.” Bucky interjected when Steve looked ready to argue. “But considerin’ how we found you in the trash just a bit ago, I’m thinkin’ maybe you don’t have a place to sleep tonight, huh?”

“Actually I–”

_Stark Tower doesn’t exist yet._

_My parents hadn’t met in 1942 which means my childhood home doesn’t either._

_Neither Pepper nor Rhodey are even born yet._

_Ah shit, here I go panicking again._

“Actually,” Tony wrinkled his brow, counted to ten silently so he wouldn’t scream, so he wouldn’t be sick again over this whole situation. “Actually, I don’t have anywhere to stay. A couch sounds awesome. Thank you.”

“Great!” Steve looked to pleased, so genuinely pleased, that Tony couldn’t quite look away for a minute, too thrown by Captain I-Wear-My-Scowl-As-A-Shield America smiling quite so big at him.

All future Steve– present time Steve?  _God_ , time travel was going to give him a headache– did was frown and roll his eyes.

Pre-serum, smiling Steve was a nice change.

“Listen though– the facial hair.” Steve made a motion over his face, miming Tony’s goatee. “A California mechanic thing? Everyone here is clean cut.”

“Don’t be such a punk.” Bucky shoved at Steve’s shoulder. “Nothing wrong with his face.” A measuring look at Tony. “But you  _will_ stick out around these parts. Might want to shave just to avoid attention and then at least you’ll make a better impression when I take you to the factory.”

“Right.” Tony scratched at his chin, unable to remember the last time he had even  _seen_ himself clean shaven. “I’ll get right on that. So Bucky, you’re a soldier?”

“Enlisted last year.”

“And Steve.” Tony raised his eyebrows. “You’re not?”

“No.” Steve sounded bitter, clenching his jaw and looking down at the table. “I’ve been trying to enlist but they won’t let me. Stupid.”

“Why won’t let they let you enlist?” Tony finished his sandwich and pushed the plate away with a grateful sigh, waiting with quite a bit of curiosity for Steve to answer.

He knew damn well why Steve hadn’t been allowed to enlist. It had been a story Howard told over and over again whenever Tony had been sick as a child– all the ailments Steve Rogers had, and still the man wanted to enlist, how could Tony want to stay home with just a cold?

No, Tony knew all of the reasons, from the astigmatism and scoliosis, to the heart complications and stomach ulcers. He knew Steve’s asthma was so bad that he couldn’t even hold a job, the air quality in this particular part of Brooklyn forcing him to stay indoors more often than not. He knew that Mama Rogers had had diabetes, and that just being related to someone with diabetes put Steve on the the automatic elimination list, not to mention the bout with scarlet fever, the chronic fatigue and probably what present day doctors would diagnose as fibromyalgia.

No, Tony knew that Steve was a goddamn mess before the serum. The military had every right to laugh him out of the recruiting office, to keep him from the draft.  _This_ Steve, at least physically, would never make a decent soldier.

Tony knew all of that. He just wanted to see what Steve would say, what excuse Red, White and Star Spangled would come up with, or if he was bitter enough already to just blurt it all out, listing out his illnesses, his health complications, all the way his immune system and genetics were ruining his life.  

“Who won’t they let you enlist?” he asked again and watched as Steve put his mug down, thin fingers trembling just enough to make the cup clatter on the table.

“I guess they just have enough boys from Brooklyn.” he muttered, not looking up to meet Bucky or Tony’s gaze. “But I’ll keep trying. I want to serve, they should let me.”

“They  _should_ let you.” Tony said quietly and Steve’s head jerked up in surprise.  

“What– what did you say?”

“Oh Jesus, don’t encourage him.” Bucky groaned. “The last thing Stevie needs is–”

“Shut up, Buck.” Steve leaned across the little table, blue eyes earnest. “You really think they should let me join? Think I should keep trying?”

“I think you should.” Tony nodded slowly, fighting to keep the grin off of his face.  _Am I actually encouraging Captain America to join the army?_   “We need soldiers like you. Dedicated. Loyal. Fighting for what’s right. You would be perfect.”

“Hot damn!” Steve smacked his palm on the table excitedly. “Then I will! He’s right, Buck! I would make a great soldier! I’m not going to stop trying!”

“Wonderful.” Bucky sighed, but he was smiling anyway, patting at Steve’s shoulder and sending Tony an amused shrug. “That’s just wonderful.”

*******************

*******************

Tony stretched out on what was easily the most uncomfortable couch he had ever sat on, folding his hands behind his head and trying to force himself to relax.

He couldn’t think too much about… about all of this.

Couldn’t think too much about how one minute he had been falling and the next he had slipped through a time… a time blip. A wrinkle. Was that was this was? A wrinkle in time?

Oh god, he wanted to laugh over  _that_ particular turn of phrase, but the anxiety won out, and Tony rubbed his face to hide a few tears that escaped.

This wasn’t funny. Not in the least.

He  _really_ couldn’t think about what was happening in his own time.

Was he still falling? Had his suit fallen to the ground empty? How much time had passed? Just the few hours he thought he had been gone? Had it been  _days_ in 2012?

….Did Pepper know he was gone? Did she think he was dead?

What about Rhodey?

Holy shit, Rhodey would  _kill_ Steve for letting Tony do something so foolhardy as going through the portal. That would be the ass kicking of a lifetime and Tony wished he could see it.

 _Dammit_. Tony wiped more tears away, the panic and anxiety settling into a heavy, nearly bone crushing despair.

For the first time in his life, Tony didn’t know what to do.

He had built a goddamn arc reactor in a cave, had built his first Iron Man suit from scraps, had redirected a nuke and flown it through space and now– now he had no idea where to even begin to deal with whatever the  _hell_ this was.

Bone crushing, heart dropping, wanting to scream but unable to draw a breath despair.

 _Hopelessness_.

More tears, and Tony sat up on the couch, tugging at his hair in frustration.

_This isn’t good, this isn’t good, this isn’t—_

“Hey hey hey.” Strong hands on his shoulders and Tony sagged into the touch, so desperately needing comfort he was ready to take it from whoever was offering.

“Hey, easy, easy.” Bucky pushed at Tony lightly until he was leaning back against the couch. “Alright? What’s going on? I came outta Stevie’s room and you were breathin’ real hard, starting to shake.”

He bent down to peer into Tony’s eyes. “Is it ah– is it a morphine issue? Withdrawals or something? I know you said you weren’t in the war, but if you had an accident or got hurt real bad growing up or–”

“Not morphine withdrawals.” Tony tried to laugh it off, making a half hearted attempt at brushing Bucky’s hands away. “Just– Just having a hard time. Sorry. Did I wake you? Or–” he glanced at the closed bedroom door. “Or Steve?”

“He doesn’t sleep real well anyway.” Bucky shrugged and sat back on the couch as well. “Don’t worry about it. Want to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’m sure Steve would hate if I kept you from bed.” Tony cleared his throat, tactfully avoiding Bucky’s question. “I’ll be fine, really. I appreciate the couch and the blankets and your concern, but I’m honestly–”

“Did you say  _Steve_ would hate if you kept me from bed?” Bucky’s eyes widened in alarm. “You mean  _Steve’s_ bed? Tony, Steve and I aren’t– we aren’t–” he shook his head quickly. “No! I mean, definitely not, we are  _not_ –”

“Sorry.” Tony put his hands up peacefully. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to imply anything. I just saw you two earlier and thought you looked… close.”

_And you know, there are entire sections of the internet dedicated to Captain America and Bucky Barnes romance. It would be interesting to know if it were true…_

“Steve and I are not together.” Bucky said quietly, firmly. “Foolin’ around like that can get a fella killed in this neighborhood. Not to mention, get me drummed outta the army. No.  _No_. I dunno what California is like, but you can’t just say things like that around here.”

“Right.” Tony looked away from the embarrassment on Bucky’s face, then couldn’t help looking again, seeing the  _shame_ hovering beneath the adamant denial.

Then he remembered the too flirty to be platonic smile Bucky had given him in the alley, the way the blue eyed soldier had pulled a chair out for him, the easy way Bucky was so comfortable being physically affectionate with Steve.

And, for reasons he wasn’t quite ready to think about and taking a very real chance that Bucky wasn’t the guy to deck him for saying something like this, Tony said very  _very_ softly, “I am not the type of… fella… to have a problem with that sort of thing, alright?”

Bucky chewed at the inside of his cheek for a minute, then said just as softly, “Oh?”

“Yep.” Tony fell silent again, wondering what the hell had prompted him to assure soon to be Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes that he was fine with homosexuality or bisexuality or whichever sort of sexuality the man subscribed to.

Maybe it was because Tony needed something to keep his mind off his situation, off the depression that would no doubt set in once he really started thinking about being trapped in the past, off the soul deep sadness that would swamp him when he really acknowledged that he would probably never see Pepper again, that he would never play another prank on Rhodey, that there was a very real chance that he would die in this time period before any of the people he loved were even born.

Or maybe it was because the pictures of Bucky Barnes in the Smithsonian hadn’t done the guy justice. Maybe that Tony had always been a sucker for anyone with an accent, and Bucky’s Brooklyn drawl was surprisingly sexy. Really it was probably just because Tony was a  _man_ and his go-to stress reliever when he was feeling overwhelmed was sex with a pretty person and  _wow_ was Bucky Barnes a pretty person.

Any of those reasons, or perhaps  _all_ of those reasons, would do, so Tony said what he said, and fell silent, waiting for Bucky to answer.

“Steve and I ain’t together.” Bucky said again, but this time he said it with a slow sort of smile that made Tony’s heart rate triple. “So. It’s nice to know that  _you’re_ the type’a fella to be alright with  _me_ bein’ this type’a fella, you know?”

“Nice to know.” Tony repeated and his heart just didn’t stand a chance when Bucky smiled like  _that_ again.

“So, just friends then?” he jerked his thumb towards Steve’s bedroom. “Long time pals?”

“Been friend with that punk ever since I caught him getting beat up when we were kids.” Bucky grinned, relaxing into the cushions a little more. “Dumb kid. Someone tried to take his lunch money, he tried to swing at them. Lucky he didn’t end up broken into pieces, all scrappy and scrawny like that.”

“So what?” Tony lay his head back, watching Bucky in his peripherals. “So you stepped in?”

“Stepped in, kicked some ass, ended up adopting a blonde kid with too much mouth and not enough strength to back it up.” Bucky ran his hand over his face wearily. “Best guy you’ll ever meet, you know?” Ain’t right that he suffers do much. Always sick, lost both his parents, no siblings–” he shook his head. “I’m all he’s got.”

“You take care of him?”

“When he lets me.” ruefully, a half hearted shrug. “Half the time he’s too weak to do it himself, the other half he’s too damn stubborn. Th’ other day he sneezed? Smacked his head right on the table and gave himself a nosebleed.”

Tony’s mouth fell open when Bucky started laughing. “Ah, good Christ I never laughed so hard in my life. Thought he was gonna kill me.”

“Why would you laugh at him!” Tony blurted. “I thought you were his best friend!”

“Tony.” Bucky chuckled, tilting his head back to smile devilishly at him. “You tellin’ me that you and your best friend don’t play pranks on each other and then laugh when the other gets hurt?”

Tony’s hand automatically went to his now piercing-less navel. “Yeah, alright. I see your point.”

“Besides.” Bucky yawned and stretched, obviously tired. “Steve laughs at it too. If ya can’t laugh at what life hands you, how are you gonna survive?”

“So I should be laughing that I woke up in a pile of trash with no memory of how I got there?” Tony asked dryly. “Because I don’t see a whole lot of hilarity in that.”

“Well, you met us, right?” Bucky patted at his shoulder. “We’re good people.”

“Right.” Tony finally smiled. “I did meet you and Steve.”

“I’ll let you sleep.” Bucky said then. “Got to be up early tomorrow if you want me to take you to the factory to see about a job, yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Sure thing.” Bucky winked at him, then headed for his own room.  

Tony lay back down, twisting and turning until he was somewhat comfortable, staring up at the ceiling and praying for sleep, hoping beyond hope that maybe he would wake in the morning and be right back in Malibu, or right back in the Stark Tower, or even still falling from space, as long as he could open his eyes and realize and that this had all been some sort of hyper realistic dream.

Tony closed his eyes again and waited for the panic to overtake him, like it had just before Bucky had come out to the couch, but it didn’t happen this time.

It all still lurked there in the back of his mind– all the questions, all the confusion, the fear–

–but it seemed a little less suffocating after a few minutes with Bucky.

 _Interesting_. 


	3. Chapter 3

Tony woke to the sight of Steve standing on his toes to get to a coffee mug on the top shelf, his fingers nowhere  _near_ close enough to grab it. **  
**

“Dang it.” he muttered, and gave a little hop that was frankly, hilarious, and then grumbled again when he still couldn’t get the cup.

“Bucky!” he shouted. “Why did you put the coffee cup on the top shelf! How th’hell am I supposed to get it!”

“Climb the counter!” Bucky hollered back from the shower. “Or ask Tony! He’s taller than ya!”

 _I’m taller than Captain America_. The thought made Tony want to  _cackle_ , but he swallowed it back in favor of smiling politely when Steve turned a frustrated look his way.

“Tony.” he sighed and gestured up to the counter. “The chairs are too rickety to stand on, and if I fall from the counter–”

“I got it.” Tony clambered out from beneath the blankets, grimacing as his joints complained loudly about sleeping on the terrible couch, and crossed to the kitchen to retrieve the cup, passing it to a very relieved Steve. “Big coffee drinker?”

“Decaffeinated.” Steve supplied, pouring a healthy amount of the dark liquid. “Caffeine makes me uh–” he tapped his chest lightly. “Doesn’t work out very well.”

“Right.” Tony folded his arms in thought, having a hard time reconciling the ninety pound blonde sipping at decaf coffee version of Steve with the two hundred plus pound blonde who could drink entire pots of coffee without pausing to breathe version of Steve that he was more familiar with.

It was  _surreal_.

_I’m taller than Captain America. This is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life._

“Right.” he said again, shaking himself from his thought pattern when Steve glanced up at him with raised eyebrows. “Decaf coffee. Do you have any regular coffee? If I drink decaf my body might stop working all together.”

“Bucky will make some, but fair warning, it’s like drinking oil.” Steve made a face and drained the rest of his cup, rinsing it in the tiny sink. “So. Anything clearer this morning?”

“Not a whole lot.” Tony hedged, not willing to lie to him, but  _really_ not willing to tell him the entire truth.

Somehow he felt like this version of Steve wouldn’t be completely accepting of time travel and visitors from the future.

“Still not really sure how I ended up in the alley.” Tony continued, because at least  _that_ part was true. “But I’m sure it will come back to me. I uh–” he cleared his throat. “Really appreciate you guys letting me crash on the couch last night. Where I’m from, nobody would even consider letting some bum they found in the alley sleep in their place.”

“Yeah?” Steve shrugged Tony’s thanks off. “Well, maybe New Yorkers are just nicer than Californians. You needed some help, we’re happy to help out.”

“Well I–”

“Besides.” Steve cut in, and now his blue eyes narrowed to something fairly suspicious, and Tony shifted away nervously. “Besides, Buck thinks you’re cute, so I gotta be nice to you anyway.”

“….oh?” Tony’s voice went a little squeaky. “He does, huh?”

“Yeah.” Steve folded his arms in an attempt to look intimidating, and if Tony wouldn’t have been so thrown by the abrupt change in conversation, he would have chuckled over it.

“Bucky says that you’re the type’a guy that’s alright with  _him_ being the type’a guy he is.” He said then. “Bein’ that way in our neighborhood could get him a thrashin, alright? If you say you’re alright with it–” a severe glare. “You  _better_ be, cause I won’t stand for you jus’ saying that, and then spreading it around and gettin’ him in trouble.”

“Scouts honor.” Tony held up his hand, both touched and highly amused by Steve threatening him for Bucky’s sake. “When I said I didn’t have a problem, I meant it. And even if I did have a problem–” Steve stiffened, and Tony shook his head. “- I still wouldn’t say anything. Where I’m from, that sort of thing doesn’t really matter, and for the most part people mind their own business.”

“Huh.” Steve watched him for another minute before apparently deciding he was telling the truth. “Alright then. Maybe Californians aren’t so terrible.”

Tony hid a smile. “Maybe not.”

“Stevie.” the bathroom door opened and Bucky stepped out. “Did you get some coffee or are you still bitching about it?”

“I got some coffee.” Steve retorted, and winged a hand towel at his roommate. “Put some clothes on, I don’t want to see that much of you.”

Tony turned to look– only because it would be the  _height_  of rudeness not to at least make eye contact with someone who had very literally pulled him from the trash, right?– and immediately wished he hadn’t.

Or maybe he was glad he did.

Either way, he was  _looking_.

“Mornin’ Tony.” Bucky said, tipping his head and letting an almost infuriatingly cocky smile curve his lips. “Sleep alright?”

“Uh–”

_I got nothing._

_Holy shit._

Tony knew he was staring and didn’t bother trying to look away. Bucky fresh out of the shower was  _wow_ , all lean muscles and long legs wrapped in a towel that started somewhere well below his navel and ended above his knees and just  _wow_.

 **Wow**.

“Good.” he said absentmindedly, nowhere near even attempting to make eye contact, regardless of his earlier excuse for looking. “I slept good. Real…. Good.”

Bucky’s eyes blazed a little hot at Tony’s blatant perusal, and he relaxed his stance, turning towards Tony to encourage him to look  _more_ , waiting until Tony dragged his gaze up to his face before raising his eyebrows invitingly.

“Good morning.” Tony finally managed, and Bucky’s smirk got a little bigger. “I slept great. The couch is wonderful.”

“The couch is shit.” Steve snorted from behind him. “Maybe you two stop doing that in the kitchen and take it to a room, huh?”

Broken from his daze by Steve’s snarky comment, Tony shook himself back to the moment, taking a step further away from the surprising amount of  _temptation_ Bucky presented.

“I slept fine.” he said again, forcing his eyes over to the window, down to the floor, the stove, looking at  _anything_ except for the drips of water from Bucky’s hair that were slowly making their way down a chiseled chest and disappearing below the towel. “Slept….just fine.”

“Glad to hear it.”

Bucky Barnes, that little shit, was well aware of how hard Tony had just been staring, and Tony thought with a rueful smile that maybe the stories of Bucky being able to charm the pants of off anyone had some truth to them after all.

“Gonna get dressed–”

“Thank god!” Steve rolled his eyes.

“–and then we’ll get ya out and about, yeah Tony?”

“Yep.” Tony still wasn’t looking at him. “Sounds good.”

“Be right back.”

The bedroom door closed and Tony breathed a sigh of relief, finally looking up to see Steve grinning at him.

“Uh– what?”

“Nothing.” Steve started picking through a basket of slightly bruised fruit for something to eat. “Jus’ thinking that if I was worried about you not being alright with Bucky being, you know.” he made a vague gesture. “I don’t gotta worry about it anymore, do I?”

“Why…..?”

“Because you were staring hard enough that I thought your eyes were gonna pop out.” Steve laughed out loud when Tony flushed an unbecoming shade of crimson.

“Right.” Tony ran his hands through his hair, grimacing over the dirt in it. “I’m going to just– yeah. Going to take a shower.”

“Yeah.” Steve was still laughing at him. “You do that.”

***********************

***********************

“You look better clean shaven.” Steve decided as they left the apartment building and headed across the street. “Don’t look so old now.”

Tony rubbed at his bare chin, licking over his depressingly bare upper lip as well. “Well, shaving with a straight razor was an adventure, that’s for sure. I’m lucky I didn’t cut my throat.”

“You’ve never shaved with a straight razor?” Steve asked skeptically. “They don’t do that in California?”

“Lay off, Stevie.” Bucky said from Tony’s other side, the first thing he had said since coming from his bedroom nearly an hour earlier. “You’ve never shaved at all, so you can’t say much, can ya?”

“Shut up, Bucky!” Steve punched at Bucky’s shoulder, his fist bouncing harmlessly away. “Not all of us are hairy neanderthals!”

Bucky grinned at Steve before turning so he could walk backwards, looking over Tony with an appraising eye. “You do look good, Tony. Sorry we couldn’t find any clothes to fit ya. Stevie is–” he held his hand about two feet off the ground. “–and I’m quite a bit taller than ya, so you’re stuck in those ones.”

Tony looked down at his denim and long sleeve.

Apparently only his suit hadn’t made it through the wormhole-time blip- _whatever_ , so he was wearing what he had been wearing just before the heavens had opened up and all hell had broken loose.

Truth be told, Tony didn’t think he wanted to switch out these clothes for forties style fashion, because he remembered the high waisted khakis Steve wore all the time, and yikes, that was not something Tony would ever be seen in.

But he did need more clothes, because despite a shower and rinsing his shirt in the sink, there was still a whiff of yesterday’s trash lingering.

“I don’t have any money.” he started slowly, “But if you take me to a pawn shop, I can sell my watch.” he pulled up his sleeve so they could see the silver watch around his wrist. “That will give me enough for some more clothing.”

“We can take you to Lee’s shop.” Steve suggested. “He’s a good guy, will hold onto it for something like sixty days before selling it so you have a chance to buy it back.”  

“Lee.” Tony echoed. “His first name wouldn’t be  _Stan_ , would it?”

“How’d you know?” Bucky turned them down an alley, heading for the railroad tracks. “Been in Brooklyn before?”

“Uh, not recently.” Tony shook his head, a smile of disbelief stretching his face. “Would you believe me if I said I know a pawn shop owner back home named Stan Lee? Ancient guy, big thick glasses, bright white hair. Just a weird coincidence.”

“Real common name, ain’t it?” Steve remarked, and he and Bucky let the topic drop.

Tony however, followed closely behind them and wondered if this Stan Lee was the same Stan Lee who had sold he and Rhodey a guitar of rather questionable quality when they had gone through their rock band phase.

Rhodey had thought Tony should just buy a  _new_ guitar, Tony had insisted that real rock stars all had first guitars that were beat up and hand-me-downs and had that indefinable quality and sound that only well loved, well  _used_ instruments had.

The pawn broker Mr. Lee had sold them a beat up six string and a set of drums that became the bane of Mama Rhodes existence, and had stolen himself a fond place inside Tony’s heart. Nostalgia had kept Tony going back to the same shop for all sorts of trinkets, and he still wrote the old man a card every year on his birthday.

Mr. Lee’s shop had been in Brooklyn, just off the old train tracks, and judging by the direction Bucky was taking them– they were headed right to the same place.

Tony wanted to think that there was no way this particular Mr. Lee was the same one who fueled his rock star dreams for a good year, but strangers things– like time travel– had happened so—-

“Mr. Lee.” Steve pushed the heavy door to the shop open and ducked inside. “Mr. Lee? We brought someone for you to meet!”

“Come here often?” Tony asked over his shoulder to Bucky.

“Had to pawn a few things now and again.” Bucky answered easily, a hand at the small of Tony’s back to urge him through the door. “Hopefully now that I’m getting promoted, won’t have to do that anymore.”

Tony frowned, wondering if they had had to pawn anything important to keep food on the table, but realized that not only was it not his business, but that both the men with him were too proud to admit it.

It still made him sad, though.

“Steven Rogers.” The twenty something man that came from the back room looked nothing like the man that had sold Tony that guitar so long ago, and Tony was almost disappointed.

Then the man smiled, and Tony couldn’t help grinning right back, because that half-mischievous, half crafty smile was  _definitely_ the smile that he knew from back home.

“Barnes.” Mr. Lee waved at Bucky. “Who’s your friend?”

“This is Tony Carbonell.” Steve waved him forward. “He just uh– dropped– into town, and needs a few new things, so we thought you’d give him a good price for his watch.”

“Well, let me see the thing.” Mr. Lee fit a pair of coke bottle glasses onto his nose and Tony had to smother a laugh over the now uncanny resemblance to the man he knew. “Come on, Mr. Carbonell, let me see this watch.”

Tony slid the watch off his wrist and passed it over into Mr. Lee’s impatient hand, and knew the minute the shop keep realized it wasn’t  _just_ a watch.

“A Bulgari.” he said in astonishment and Tony cleared his throat, giving a minute shake of his head so Mr. Lee wouldn’t make a big deal of it in front of Bucky and Steve.

Mr. Lee only raised an eyebrow and went back to appraising the watch, muttering to himself over the design, staring through his magnifying glass with wide eyes over the diamonds on the face, the platinum case and the leather band.

Tony walked away from the counter, ostensibly browsing through the few musical instruments on Mr. Lee’s shelves, hoping Steve and Bucky would either lose interest in what his watch was worth, or perhaps would be too polite to ask.

Steve apparently didn’t care anyway, running his fingers over the selection of drawing utensils and sketch books in one corner of the store while Bucky gazed out the window patiently, and when Mr. Lee tapped the counter, waving Tony back over, it was with a curious smile.

“Mr. Carbonell.” The man pulled out his checkbook, keeping his voice low. “I do not have enough money in my register for what this is worth, but I will call ahead to my bank and let them know to cash this check for you.”

“Alright.” Tony didn’t even look at the check as he folded it into his pocket, knowing that the man had put several zeroes on the end of the number, that the watch was very likely the most valuable thing he had ever had in his store. “I appreciate your help, thank you.”

“It will be here waiting for you if you want it back.” Mr. Lee said, shaking his hand firmly, if not a little curiously. “Something that nice must be a family heirloom, huh? It doesn’t belong sitting on my shelf.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Tony winked and turned to leave the store, calling for Bucky and Steve as he went.

**********************

**********************

“D’ya think he got good money for his watch?” Steve asked as they sat outside the shops, waiting for Tony to finish his shopping.

“Hell if I know, Stevie.” Bucky sprawled across one of the lower steps, leaning back on his elbows. “Ain’t our business, you know?”

“It just looked like an expensive watch.” Steve continued. “Just seems like another thing we don’t know about him. Weird clothes, his hair is funky, he’s got fancy accessories. What d’ya think about him?”

“Stevie–”

“I mean  _besides_ how pretty you think he is.” Steve cut in and jabbed Bucky in the ribs when the big brunette’s face colored red. “For God’s sake, Bucky, you don’t even know him and you were practically inviting him to your bedroom this morning!”

“I didn’t invite him.” Bucky said sulkily. “Can’t help that he liked what he saw.”

“You could have worn your pants outside of the bathroom.” Steve retorted. “You never walk around the place in a towel when it’s just me!” Bucky sent him a  _look_ , and Steve was quick to add, “I don’t want you to walk around in a towel. You know what I meant.”

“Sorry.” Bucky smiled a little. “But Stevie,  _no one_  has ever looked at me the way Tony did this morning. No one.” 

“Lots of girls look at you like that.” Steve rolled his eyes, but then quieted his tone to say, “But not anyone you want, right? Not a fella?”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Bucky hucked a pebble across the street, lolling his head back to look up at Steve. “That’s exactly right. Never had someone like him look at someone like me–” he pointed at his chest. “–the way he does.”

“Won’t be easy.” the blonde said quietly. “Trying to be with him, you know? Whatever’s going on with him, whatever happened for him to end up sleeping in the alley behind our place aside– this won’t be easy. Not like just gettin’ with a dame for th’ night. And you think you’re shipping out soon? What happens then?”

“I dunno.” Bucky shrugged uncomfortably. “Haven’t thought that far ahead, Stevie. Happy over it happenin’ at all to think about all that stuff. Not that–” he swallowed. “–not that anything is happening yet, but if it does–”

“Just don’t want to see you sad is all.” Steve interjected. “Don’t want you to get your hopes up jus’ for Tony to move on, or for him to decide–”

“Don’t.”

“–just for him to decide it’s too difficult to be with you.” he finished in a whisper and Bucky cursed under his breath. “Buck, it hasn’t been easy on you, it’s not gonna be easy on him to be with ya.”

“You’re getting ahead a’things.” Bucky denied, shaking his head. “Jus’ cause he stared at me doesn’t mean he would want anything. Jus’ cause he doesn’t have a problem with me doesn’t mean he’s open to–”

“I was in the kitchen this morning.” Steve cut him off again. “No one stares like that unless they want something, yeah? I just don’t want you to get your hopes up for more than a night or two.”

Bucky sat in silence for a long minute.

“Tired of getting by on a night or two.” he finally said. “Tired of havin’ to have just a few hours with someone before they disappear again and I have to hide what I want. Why do I always gotta hide, Stevie?”

“M’sorry, Buck.” Steve patted at his shoulder. “But the world isn’t real friendly to fella’s like you or girls like Connie. Isn’t fair, but it is what is it, right?”

“Yeah.” Bucky jumped to his feet so he could pace. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

****************

****************

Tony was not a fan of high waisted khaki pants, or of collared shirts, or of pleats in general, but when he walked out of the back fitting room of the shop and winked at the girl behind the counter, she blushed bright red and had to fan herself so–so maybe he didn’t look all that bad.

“Here you go.” he peeled off several bills from the rather thick stack the bank had handed him thanks to Mr. Lee’s check, and slid them across the counter. “I’ll also need a few hats. At least one fedora, the grey one with the red ribbon will do fine, and a few others please.”

“Oh, oh my, of course.” the pretty girl ran off to grab what he needed, and Tony smiled to himself.

Pepper would scold him for flashing money and what she called his “rogue” smile to get what he wanted, but it always worked, so Tony wasn’t going to stop now.

The thought of Pepper made him sad, and Tony pressed a hand to his chest, unconsciously touching where his arc reactor had sat, and his next thought was  _what the hell had happened to his arc reactor_?

Sure, he was missing scars, so he obviously had not only traveled back in time, but also de-aged a little, but it was one thing to erase a scar, another to be missing the machine/magnet that  _literally_ kept him alive.

It was unsettling, to say the least.

“Here you are, Mr. Carbonell.”

The girl reappeared and Tony shook himself from his thoughts, smiling down at her when she handed him three different hats.

“I’ll wear this one.” Tony slid the fedora over his head, tilting it rakishly and winking just to hear her giggle again. “Wrap the others up for me and I’ll be on my way.”

“Oh yes sir!” she tittered, and Tony headed for the door to try and find Steve and Bucky.

“Hey.” he dropped onto the step next to Steve, frowning when he saw Bucky pacing. “Everything alright?”

“Ev’rythin’s fine.” Bucky said shortly, and Tony noticed with a bit of amusement that his speech got lazier, his accent stronger when he was upset. “Did’ja get enough clothes?”

“Yep.” Tony gestured down to his new outfit. “Feel like a right Brooklyn boy, now.”

That got a smile out of Steve, but it was short lived, a wrinkle of concern on his brow as he watched Bucky. “Should we get a move on to the factory? Tony, you still want to go?”

“Actually,” Tony kept watching Bucky, wondering what had changed Bucky’s mood from light and teasing as they walked up to the shop, to somewhat sulky and definitely frustrated while they had waited. “I was thinking maybe as a thank you for you two putting my up last night, I’d make dinner?”

“Yeah?” Steve squinted into the sun trying to look up at him. “Doesn’t that mean you gotta stay tonight too? Awful bold, thinking you’re welcome, huh?” 

“Uh–” Not prepared for the  _sass_ from Steve, Tony just gaped down at him. “Well, I mean uh– Damn, Steve I uh–”

“Language.” Steve turned back to Bucky. “And a’course you can stay tonight, Tony, don’t worry about it. Especially if you’re gonna cook for us. We don’t hafta go to the factory today, you need a few days to get settled, no problem.”

“Oh a few days?” Tony raised his eyebrows. “Well maybe I should buy a mattress and just take the living room right over.”

“Don’t need the living room.” Steve elbowed Tony playfully. “I’m sure Bucky would let you in his room, huh?”

“Yeah, Buck?” Tony elbowed Steve right back, more than alright with the unexpected camaraderie with someone he never thought he would get along with. “You gonna give up your bed for me?”

“Nah.” Bucky finally cracked a smile, cocking his head and straightening his shoulders, all trace of whatever had upset him slipping away. “Nah, not gonna give you my bed, but you’re welcome to try and share it.”

“Share with your big ass?” Tony teased and Steve snorted through a laugh. “I’d be better off sleeping on the floor.”

“Eh, I’d sleep with ya on the floor too.” Bucky ran his fingers through his hair before fitting his cap back on. “Either way.” A cocky wink that had Tony stammering a little. “So. We going to get food or what?”

“C’mon Tony, we’ll show you our favorite sandwich shop.” Steve jumped to his feet, joining Bucky on the sidewalk. “You didn’t eat nothing for breakfast, so I know you gotta be hungry.”

“Yeah, modeling clothes is real tiring.” Bucky reached down and hauled Tony up to standing, and they ended up much closer than either had intended, nearly chest to chest when Bucky smirked, “Poor thing, you must be exhausted. Do you need a rest before we eat or will you make it to lunch without requiring a fainting couch?”

“Thanks for that.” Tony shoved him away, or rather,  _tried_ to shove him away, eyes widening when Bucky didn’t budge an inch, his hands connecting with nothing but solid muscle. “Um.  _Damn_.”

“Got something to say, sugar?” Bucky let his voice fall low and flirtatious, and from this close, he was looking almost straight down at Tony, their nearly four inch height difference seeming a lot more noticeable. “Hm?”

“I–I–” Tony licked his lips, and Bucky’s pale eyes dropped to watch. “Well, if I was going to say something, I’d say–”

_Pepper._

_Shit_.

Guilt washed over Tony, and he backpedaled away from the soldier, shaking his head as Pepper’s face filled his mind.

Damn it, what was he doing? Get sent back in time and all the sudden he forgets about his girlfriend? About asking her to move in? About everything that they had gone through together?

_What was he doing?_

“I was going to say I’m starving.” He finished. “Let’s go find some lunch.”

Tony turned away and missed the shocked look on Steve’s face, as well as the disappointment on Bucky’s.

“Hey.” Steve put his hand on Bucky’s arm. “Don’t worry about it. He’s adjusting, yeah? Give him another chance.”

“Stevie, I’m not gonna make a fool of myself over some pretty fella.” Bucky shook his head. “No way.”

“Hey hey hey!” Steve grabbed him again. “ _Listen_. Did you see the look on his face? Sad about something. Not disgusted, not angry with ya. He looked sad, like he lost someone. Maybe he broke up recently. Don’t worry about it.”

“Ya think?”

“Definitely.” Steve said firmly. “Definitely, Buck. He thought about somethin’ that made him sad, but it had  _nothin_ ’ to do with you, yeah?”

“Yeah alright.” Bucky straightened his shoulders. “Alright.” A sidelong glance at his best friend. “You tryin’ to help me get lucky, Stevie?”

“God, Bucky, you’ve tried to get me talking to enough girls over the years, I can try  _once_ to get you someone you want, right?”

“Right.” Bucky slung his arm around Steve’s shoulders and tugged him close. “Thanks.”

“Got ya, Bucky.”

“Let’s go see if a good sandwich is what it takes to make Tony like me, huh?”

********************

********************

The sandwiches were  _good_ , and Tony put away two of them before he pushed Bucky’s money away and paid for lunch himself.

Then it was to the market, Tony intent on filling their cupboards about as full as he could, before detouring into a shop to get blankets, stating that he had damn near frozen to death with only one blanket the night before. He bought extra pillows too, brushing off Steve’s concern by telling him that he had gotten more money for his watch than he expected, and since Steve had been so polite to offer him the couch for weeks–

“–I said  _days_!” the blonde protested over a laugh.

“Since I’m staying for  _weeks_ –” Tony said louder, “I demand lots of pillows! You guys can keep them after I’m done, I don’t care.”

He was joking and laughing the entire time, teasing Steve and grinning at Bucky, but there was a very real distance between himself and Bucky the rest of the day, Tony going so far as to walk on the other side of Steve as they hauled the groceries and various bags up the stairs to the apartment.

It wasn’t Bucky’s fault, it  _wasn’t_.

But the guilt over being so blase with the cute brunette, over flirting and teasing while his girlfriend might be in the future crying over him–

– it just didn’t sit well with Tony. He could still make it home, right? He could still get out of here and back to his own time and–

“Easy.” Bucky put a hand at Tony’s waist to keep him from slipping when Tony nearly missed a step. “Alright?”

“Yeah.” Tony tried not to sound so short, but judging by the way Bucky pulled away, he hadn’t succeeded.

“Thank you.” he added belatedly. “Sorry.”

“No worries.” Bucky said quietly, and they kept right on climbing.

Tony took over the kitchen right away once they got into the apartment, cramming every bit of food he could into the ice box and cooler, filling the cupboards to nearly overflowing before he tackled dinner, frowning over the limited ingredients that came from the war-time rationing.

He sauteed the fish, cooking up big fillets so there would be plenty of leftovers. Vegetables cooked with some garlic so they wouldn’t be so bland. He had splurged on bread– laughing because why was store bought bread a  _splurge_? Homemade bread was a treat in his home, store bought was just normal– and sliced it thick to mop up the parsley and lemon sauce he poured over the fish.

For dessert, Tony whipped some cream, working it hard with a whisk until it was fluffy and light, then plopped it over the random assortment of fruit he had picked from the vendors.

He lay it all out on the table and Steve and Bucky just stared at the spread and then up at him.

“Uh– you guys don’t eat fish?” He asked after an awkward moment.” Or is it the bread? Don’t eat carrots? What’s up?”

“Is all this food for the three of us?” Bucky asked, sounding stunned. “I mean,  _damn_ Tony. Stevie eats like a baby bird, and you don’t look like you eat much more. What the hell?”

“Baby bird, huh?” Tony grinned, nodding over at Steve, who was already doing his best to destroy one of the huge fillets. “If you don’t dig in, there won’t be any food left!”

“Uh–” Bucky started to argue, then shrugged and started scooping food onto his plate, and it was perfectly quiet in the apartment other than the sounds of eating for a good forty five minutes.

Tony spent the time cleaning up, nibbling at fish and vegetables, dipping his finger into the cream to taste it once or twice or a dozen times–  _damn_ he was a good cook– and trying to figure his head out.

It had been almost embarrassing how quickly he had forgotten that he wasn’t supposed to be here, as he had spent the day with Steve and Bucky, trying on all the clothes that he loved more than he wanted to admit, laughing as they shopped, and at least the first part of the day shamelessly flirting with Bucky.

It had been too easy to tease and trade snarky comments with Steve, to stare back every time Bucky checked him out– all of that.

But he wasn’t  _supposed_ to be here. He wasn’t supposed to be twenty eight-ish, hamming it up with pre-serum Steve Rogers and too attractive to be taken seriously future Sergeant Bucky Barnes. These were  _heroes_ , the men who had very literally shaped the future of America with their actions in the war–

–and Tony shouldn’t be casually spending time with them and making plans to see a movie tomorrow while Bucky reported in to get his assignment and hopefully his promotion.

He shouldn’t be here.

So why did it feel so natural? Why was he so comfortable? Why did he have to remind himself of  _Pepper_ whenever Bucky smiled at him?

“You look like you’re thinking awful hard.” Bucky called from the table, and used his foot to kick out the chair next to him. “Come sit down and eat.”

“Right. Yeah. Let me just finish–”

“Tony.” Steve interrupted. “Just come on. We can clean later. Come on.”

Tony abandoned wiping down the counter to sit with them, sipping at his water. “Good?”

“So much better than Bucky’s cooking.” Steve mumbled around another mouthful of fish. “I’m so tired of toast and baked beans and ham, oh my god.”

“Punk.” Bucky kicked at him under the table. “Tony would love my cooking.”

“I’m sure I would.” Tony said without thinking about how flirty it sounded, then wanted to kick himself because  _dammit_ why couldn’t he stop that?

But Bucky flushed, looking inexplicably pleased, and Tony felt a little less guilty over it.

He felt even  _less_ guilty when he served dessert and Steve ate half the bowl by himself, leaving Bucky to try and steal spoonfuls, both of them laughing and trying to scoop the most whipped cream before the other got it.

Bucky turned and offered Tony a bite, eyebrows raised in something of a challenge, and after less than a second of deliberation, Tony leaned forward and let Bucky feed him, licking his lips to get every bit of the sweetness off.

Bucky’s eyes darkened in interest, and Tony winked and opened his mouth for another bite.

Another split second decision. 

He was stuck in the past, the least he could do was enjoy this highly improbable, mostly unbelievable, more than likely a trauma induced hallucination style turn of events.

If he woke up in the morning and was back in bed with Pepper, then it had all been a dream anyway and it didn’t matter.

If it wasn’t a dream, and he somehow made it back to his own time, he could handle the conversation with Pepper then. Lots of things could be excused when you were seventy years in the past, right?

He didn’t have to keep feeling guilty over this, right?

Bucky reached over and wiped a spot of cream from the corner of Tony’s lip, sucking his thumb into his mouth to lick it off, and Tony’s mouth went dry.

He was starting to hope this wasn’t just a dream.


	4. Chapter 4

“So Bucky is getting his marching orders today?” Tony held the door open as he went through, waiting for Steve to duck around him. “And a promotion?”

“Yeah, think so.” Steve shoved his hands in his pocket and hunched his shoulders against a brisk wind. “They promised him a promotion before he was sent overseas, so if one happens, so will the other, you know?”

“It’s impressive.” Tony followed Steve around a corner. “That he’s already being promoted to Sergeant? He’s only been enlisted a year, right? That seems fast.”

“Sergeant is a three step promotion.” Steve shrugged it off. “It’s still impressive though. It’s– it’s fine.”

Tony opened his mouth to correct Steve, to tell him that it’s actually  _five_ promotions worth to get to Sergeant–

_–World War II. It’s only three ranks now._

“Right.” he said instead. “Three ranks.” Then he looked a little closer at Steve. “You’re jealous. That he’s getting a promotion? Or is it that he’s in the military at all? Both? What’s going on?”

Steve chewed at his lip for a minute before finally nodding. “I’m jealous that he gets to be a soldier. We found out that war broke out at the same time, you know? We were in art class and heard about Pearl Harbor–”

“Sorry, art class? You  _both_ draw?”

“Bucky can’t draw worth crap.” Steve smiled, then it faded away. “Anyway, we both thought we should enlist. Do our duty, patriotic Americans and all that. Bucky even trained me for a few weeks, tried to get me up to a healthier weight, everything he could do to make sure I made it.”

“And?”

“And  _what_?” Steve pointed up to the sign for the recruiting office. “He was enlisted right away, being promoted to Sergeant today, and I’m trying another office in another part of the city hoping that someone will take me.”

“I’m real sorry about that, Steve.” Tony said softly, watching the frustration fill the blue eyes. “I didn’t uh– didn’t realize it was so important to you.”

“Bucky didn’t even want to be a soldier.” Steve confessed. “He considers it a duty, a  _job_ , and when the war’s over he wants to come home and go right back to work and live like the war never happened. I want to join so badly I can feel it in my bones.” he pounded at his thin chest. “And yet, he’s getting his stripes today, and I’m going to lie on my form to see if I can just get a chance to  _try_.”

Dejected, now. “It just doesn’t seem fair, is all.”

“It really doesn’t.” Tony agreed. “Yeah, Steve… it really doesn’t.”

He never would have thought that at one point, Steve had been discouraged because he wanted to be a soldier and was relegated to the side lines, to art school, that he had been jealous of Bucky because  _Bucky_ was doing what he wanted to do.

At one time, Cap had been a soldier because he wanted to be, but Tony’s Steve seemed to hate the fight, picking up his shield because he was supposed to, because it was right and because it was expected.

Tony had a sudden uncomfortable moment where he thought that maybe he didn’t know his version of Steve at all, and wondered if he would be around in this timeline long enough to see what moment ruined  _this_ Steve, what moment it was that turned Cap from a proud soldier, to the disheartened, nearly depressed man that Tony knew.

“You’re lookin’ at me funny.” Steve pushed at Tony’s shoulder. “Cut it out.”

“Sorry.” Tony cleared his throat. “I’m just realizing that I don’t actually know you at all. Or maybe that what I thought I knew about you is wrong… I don’t know. It’s a little overwhelming.”

“You’ve known me for two days.” Steve frowned up at him. “I dunno how close you California boys get in a few days, but here it usually takes a little longer to know someone. Why is it overwhelming?”

“Right.” Tony smiled a little, brushed off his more morose thoughts. “No, you’re right. I need more time to get to know you better. You’re absolutely correct about that.”

“Thanks for coming with me.” Steve changed the subject, and Tony tucked his brooding thoughts about Cap away for later.

“Usually I go to the enlistment centers by myself cause Bucky would be upset with me.” Steve continued. “And I don’t want anyone to recognize me just in case they eliminate me before I even get a chance to apply, but thanks for coming with me today. S’nice not to be here alone this time.”  

“It’s no biggie.” Tony paused on the steps of the recruitment office. “Do you want me to go in with you, or just wait outside?”

“Do you mind waiting outside?” Steve’s voice softened, the nervousness starting to bleed through. “If I get rejected again, I don’t really want you watching, you know? Hard enough walking through th’ rest’a the guys who get accepted, don’t want to have to see you too.”

“Nope. No worries.” Tony put his hands up and backed off to sit on the bottom step. “I’ll wait right here for you. Take your time.”

“Thanks Tony.” Steve gave him a half smile. “You’re a swell guy, you know?”

“Cap thinks I’m swell.” Tony chuckled to himself as he settled in for a wait. “Imagine that.”

**********************

**********************

The door to the center was shoved open, smacking into the wall behind it almost an hour later, and Tony jumped to his feet, ready to ask how everything went, but he changed his mind when he saw Steve practically charging down the stairs.

His expression resembled a thundercloud, hands clenched into fists, and Tony had to run to catch up with him when Steve took off down the street without another word, crumpling the 4F letter in his hand as he went.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Steve bit out through gritted teeth when Tony finally caught up with him. “Leave it alone, I  _don’t_ want to talk about it.”

“I wasn’t going to make you talk.” Tony said, still trying to keep up with Steve’s furious stride. “If you don’t want to say anything, I don’t want to hear it.”

“Wait, really?” Steve sent a quick glance up at Tony. “Bucky always makes me talk through my frustration. Tells me if I keep it up bottled up then I’m likely to blow.”

“Huh.” Tony kicked at a rock as they went. “Well, I am a  _master_ at bottling up my feelings and then letting it all explode in some fantastical show that includes collateral damage and various incidents that usually end in destruction of personal property so–”

“Oh my god.” Steve finally laughed, his steps slowing as he relaxed. “Collateral damage? Destruction of personal property? Really?”

“Uh yeah.” Tony shrugged sheepishly. “I mean, my last birthday in California? I definitely was working off some anxiety, probably a healthy dose of depression, I got a little drunk, trashed my house…. My best friend had to step in and make me stop. It was completely embarrassing.”

“You don’t seem like the type to destroy property.” Steve argued. “You’ve been real respectful of our space and–”

“Destroying things is probably one of my top two favorite activities.” Tony interrupted, putting an arm out to stop Steve from barreling over a young mom and her children. “Ma’am.” he said quickly and Steve smiled politely.

“So what’s your number one favorite activity?”

“Inventing things. Or you know, re-doing them. Taking apart engines to make them better, that sort of thing.”

“Bucky will be so disappointed.” Steve said dryly. “I’m sure he hoped your favorite activity was something he could help with.”

“Bucky could help get my engine going.” Tony retorted, speaking before he thought about it, and then he froze, waiting for Steve to scold him about inappropriate behavior or too much information.

But Steve threw back his head and  _laughed_ , so Tony started laughing too, both relieved and slightly shocked that he had just managed to have a somewhat dirty joke exchange with the Future Mr. Spangles.

“So.” Steve started, after they had stopped laughing. “So your last birthday. Kept it all bottled up and it all exploded…?”

“Uh yeah.” Tony blew out a deep breath. “Yeah. In retrospect, I should have talked to the people who loved me, probably checked with a therapist, definitely should have checked with a real doctor because I was sort of dying–” an alarmed look from Steve and Tony waved him off. “– but hindsight is always twenty twenty, right? In the moment, I felt like if I could handle it myself, it wouldn’t hurt anyone. Course I didn’t know that by trying to handle it myself, I was hurting them more. But you know. Live and learn.”

“Wow.” Steve remarked, and Tony mouthed the word as well.

 _Wow_ because he had just admitted something to Steve that he hadn’t even admitted to Pepper or to Rhodey. He had been dying and terrified over it when he had trashed his Malibu home. He had tried to hide it, tried to handle it himself, and he knew– he  _knew_ – that if Fury hadn’t stepped in and Natasha hadn’t given him that fairly violating but absolutely necessary shot in the neck to buy him some time, that he would be dead already.

He had never thought he would be admitting it to  _Steve_ of all people, but the blonde was looking at him with no judgment in his gaze, his expression open and accepting and Tony had to blink a few times before looking away.

A non judgemental Cap? What the hell was this rare species he had discovered running amok in the 40’s?  _Surely_ the creature must be extinct, because there was no sign of it in the twenty first century.

Tony chuckled to himself over his own joke.

_I’m the worst._

“So now you’re open with your feelings?” Tony came back to the moment when Steve spoke again, crossing the street to get them to the theater. “And everything’s good?”

“Uh—” Tony hesitated. “You know what? No. No, I didn’t learn anything from that experience. I am just as clammed up now as I was then, which I am realizing is terrible, and probably fairly frustrating for everyone involved.”

“So why did you even bring it up?” Steve asked, sounding annoyed. “I mean, I thought you were gonna tell me the value of talking through things.”

“I’ll be honest Steve.” Tony put down the money for the movie and pushed Steve towards the concessions. “I thought that was what I was going to tell you too. But it turns out I can’t give you advice that I don’t follow myself.”

“Extra butter.” Steve told the girl behind the popcorn counter, then turned back to Tony. “So. No advice?”

“Maybe take up boxing?” Tony suggest, following Steve into the dark theater. “That’s a good way to burn off some steam.”

“Boxing?” the blonde scoffed. “I’d break my hand on the practice bag.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m saying that with enough practice I bet you could break one of those bags open, send it flying across the gym.”

“Yeah, maybe in my dreams.” Steve rolled his eyes and Tony only grinned.

_Oh Steve, if only you knew._

They were quiet for a few minutes, watching as other people filed in, the theater filling up with groups of boys, giggling girls, older couples. There was a distinct lack of men in their early twenties, most of them having shipped off for the war, and a distinct lack of women around the same age, most of them having had to go to work when their brothers or fathers had gone off to tight.

It was disheartening, to see an entire age group missing from a place that they should be enjoying, and Tony’s mind flashed back to Afghanistan, to the soldiers that had died defending him, and how  _young_ they had all been, how soon their lives had been cut short.

It was the same story, seventy years apart, and he cleared his throat when an unexpected surge of emotion made his eyes cloudy.

Same story, seventy years apart– kids going off to fight a war that their country says is right.

“This is my favorite part.” Steve pointed to the screen. “When they show us what’s going on overseas? Keep us updated on the war?”

His eyes were wide, watching the soldiers march across the screen. “You know sometimes, though. Sometimes I feel like they only show us what they want to, you know? Like maybe they are twisting the events so we keep supporting it?”

“Victory gardens and war bonds and all that.” Tony stated. “Would it change your mind about joining up if all these news clips were propaganda? If it was all purposefully twisted to make us look like the good guys?”

“Nope, wouldn’t change my  mind.” Steve threw a couple pieces of popcorn in to his mouth. “Because right now, nothin’s worse than a Nazi, right? I don’t care if we aren’t exactly the good guys, we’re not  _Nazi’s_ right? They got science labs and concentration camps and–”

“We got concentration camps too.” Tony muttered and when Steve’s head swiveled around in surprise, Tony cleared his throat and corrected, “Nope. Not Nazi’s. We’re on the good side of the fight.”

“What are you talking about,  _concentration camps_?” Steve pressed. “America doesn’t do that!”

“Nope.” Tony cleared his throat again, forgetting that most Americans had no idea about Executive Order 9066, that it would be another few years before the internment camps were disbanded, and  _decades_ after that before it became common knowledge to the public what the government had done to anyone who looked even  _slightly_ Japanese.

A travesty, but not one Steve knew about, or could  _handle_ knowing about right now. 

“No, no we are the good guys in this one.” Tony patted Steve on the shoulder. “Definitely. Fuck the Nazi’s.”

“Yeah, that’s right.” Steve agreed. “ _Fuck_ ‘em.”

“What, you aren’t gonna correct my language?” Tony needled, bumping their arms together. “Not going to scold me for cursing? Come on Stevie, I expect better than that from you.”

“Not when it’s Nazi’s, Tony.” Steve shook his head. “Curse all you want when it’s Nazi’s.”

Tony couldn’t do much more than smile over that, and settled back into his seat to wait through the rest of the newsreels, and for the obligatory, no doubt propaganda filled cartoon that would follow.

A few minutes later, some asshole closer to the front started booing the short about collecting scrap metal, shouting, “Who cares? Play the movie!”

“Hey.” Steve raised his voice only enough to be heard, obviously trying to keep his tone non inflammatory and as polite as he could. “You wanna show a little respect?”

A few people muttered in agreement, and the guy in the front settled down.

“Jerk.” Steve grumbled. “Can’t even shut up long enough to support the troops? Who acts like that?”

“Ignore him.” Tony dug in for another handful of popcorn. “Every movie has a heckler, yeah? Can’t please everyone all the time, asshole’s are nothing new.”

He glanced around the theater, looking for the closest exit. “I need a drink and a bathroom break before the movie. You aren’t going to do anything crazy while I’m away, are you?”

“Shut up.” Steve kicked at his shin. “It’s not like I’m going to get into trouble just because you aren’t sitting next to me.”

“That sounds like famous last words, Rogers.”

“And you sound like a nanny, Carbonell.”

“Touche.”

Tony made his way carefully through the narrow rows, muttering apologies and trying to avoid stepping on any toes, and just as he got to the door, he heard the same guy holler, “Start the cartoon!” and then Steve’s unmistakable voice shouting back, “Hey buddy! SHUT UP!”

“God dammit.” Tony jogged towards the bathroom, hoping he made it back in time to stop Steve from doing anything stupid.

*******************

*******************

Tony wasn’t even gone five minutes, but when he got back to their seats, Steve was nowhere to be found, and unfortunately, neither was the jerk from the front who had been yelling at the screen.

“God dammit.” he said again, and took off out of the theater. “Five minutes, Rogers.” he muttered as he checked the bathrooms, the side halls, any dark corner for a scrappy blonde getting beat halfway to hell. “ _Five minutes_  is all I needed, and you couldn’t even last that long. How are you running around unsupervised? How have you survived this long?”

Steve was nowhere to be found inside the theater, so Tony headed out the front door to check the alley they had passed on the way over. Since everyone’s favorite story about Steve Rogers involved his alley fights, it seemed like a decent place to check next.

Tony was cursing Steve under his breath as he jumped down the few steps, hanging a quick left and taking off for the alley-

–and running smack into Bucky, bouncing off the soldier’s chest and falling on his ass onto the pavement.

Or at least he would have fallen, but Bucky grabbed him at the last minute, saving him from a rather embarrassing spill and a butt that would have been sore for all the wrong reasons.

“Hey soldier.” Tony laughed. “Good catch!”

Bucky’s eyes flared a little in interest, and his hand tightened for a split second around Tony’s waist, but then he let go, more than aware of the people passing on the street and not wanting to draw any attention to them.

“Heya Tony.” he said easily. “Where ya headed in such a hurry? Thought you and Stevie were seeing a film.”

“Uh, yeah, about that.” Tony tugged his fingers through his hair nervously. “So, I left Steve alone in the theater for like five minutes and now he’s gone and he–”

“–probably mouthed off and is stuck in some alley fighting some guy half his size.” Bucky finished, and started jogging in the same direction Tony had been heading. “Let me guess, some jerk booed the troops and Steve wasn’t about to take that?”

“Something along those lines. He’s done this sort of thing before, I take it?”

“God  _dammit_.” Bucky started running faster, Tony chasing after him, and they skidded around a corner in time to hear a big brute of a man tell Steve– “You just don’t know when to give up, do you?”

And Steve— that fucking  _punk_ , Tony could have strangled him for being so foolhardy, if it didn’t look like Bucky would strangle him first– put up both his fists and shrugged, coming back with a cocky, “I can do this all day.”

“The hell you can!” Tony shouted, and both Steve and the big guy turned in surprise. “Stop picking fights Steve! You weight like fourteen pounds!”

Bucky grabbed the guy by the collar, shoving him away while Tony went to pick Steve up from the garbage cans. The bully attempted a swing at Bucky and the brunette barely blinked before laying him out with a hay maker, kicking him right in the butt when he turned to run away.

“Dumb ass!” Bucky called after him. “Pick on someone your own size!”

“Alright, Steve?” Tony helped him stand, brushing most of the muck off his jacket. “Damn it, I was gone for five minutes.  _Five minutes_! I told you not to do anything!”

“Couldn’t help myself.” Steve sniffed, wiping the blood from his nose. “He shouldn’a been talking like that. And I weigh more than fourteen pounds, Tony, don’t say stuff like that.”

“Either way, you don’t weigh as much as him, so you were gearing up for an ass kickin’.” Bucky replied, coming back towards them. “Sometimes I think you just  _like_ getting punched, Stevie.”

“Eh.” Steve shrugged Tony away, tried to smile at Bucky. “I had him against the ropes.”

“God.” Bucky just shook his head. “Sure ya did. By the way, you dropped this when he was clobberin’ ya.” he handed Steve the crumpled enlistment form. “You from Paramus, now? You know it’s illegal to lie on enlistment forms, don’t you?”

Steve didn’t answer, scraping something off his shoe with a sulky frown.

“Tony.” Bucky said then, and Tony looked up at him. “Terrible job looking after Stevie. Really just  _awful_. All you had to do was go see a movie with him, and I gotta break up a brawl in the alley? Come on, California. I need more than that from you.”

“Yeah, Brooklyn?” Tony returned cheekily. “More than that, huh? So sorry to disappoint.”

Bucky grinned at him, and Tony grinned right back, letting his gaze drift down over Bucky’s shoulders, the way he filled out his uniform. Bucky raised a self sure eyebrow, tipping his head back and running his tongue over the inside of his mouth in an obvious ploy to get Tony staring at his lips.

It worked.

_Damn him._

“If you two are done?” Steve threw his hands up in the air, completely exasperated with their not close to subtle flirting. “Bucky, you get your orders?”

“The one-oh-seventh.” Bucky took a step back and straightened his uniform. “Sergeant James Barnes. Shipping out for England first thing tomorrow.”

“ _Tomorrow_?” Tony echoed at the same time Steve cried, “ _I_  should be going!”

“It’s my last night.” Bucky ignored the concern in both their voices. “Let’s go get cleaned up, make a party of it.”

“Yeah alright.” Steve tried to force a bit of levity into his voice, but it still shook with disappointment when he asked, “Where are we going?”

“The future.” Bucky tossed him the newspaper. “Check it out.”

“The future?” Tony looked over Steve’s shoulder to read the headline. “The World Exposition of Tomorrow.”

_Oh shit._

“Ran by Howard Stark?” he managed over a strangled cough. “Right?”

“Sure thing.” Bucky bit at his lips a little anxiously. “You gonna come with me, right Tony? Could be a lot of fun.”

“Uh–uh–uh–”

“It’s supposed to be amazing.” Bucky continued, nervous that Tony hadn’t said  _yes_ yet. “At least we’ll see something we’ve never seen before, huh?”

“Right.” Tony nodded. “Something I’ve never seen before.”

_Like my dad, running his very first Stark Expo._

_Shit._

*****************

*****************

“You don’t seem real excited, Tony.” Bucky said later that night as Steve washed the filth of the alley off himself in the shower. “You don’t want to go tonight?”

“Uh, sure.” Tony said absentmindedly, running some pomade through his hair to slick it back. “Sure I want to go. It’s just um–”

“Science not your thing?” Bucky suggested. “It’s not  _all_ science, I’m sure there will be–”

“Science is definitely my thing.” Tony hastened to assure him. “It’s not that.”

“Well then what’s wrong?” Bucky still looked dapper in his uniform, the new Sergeant stripes displayed proudly, but he was twisting his hat a little nervously in his hands as he waited for Tony to answer. “You just don’t wanna go with me?”

“Are we going together?” Tony held up two different ties, settling for one in a rich brown. “I thought I heard you tell Steve you were bringing girls?”

“Ah. Um Connie is–” Bucky hesitated. “Connie is–”

Tony waited, eyebrows raised expectantly.

“Connie isn’t into fellas.” Bucky finally blurted. “And I’m not into dames, ya know? So when we gotta go places, ya know I run with’er and she runs with me an’ no one asks questions?” his drawl was getting thicker, the nervousness making the words blur together. “Jus’ makes sure that we don’ get noticed an’–”

“Yeah, I got it.” Tony slid his feet into his new shoes. “So. Not a date for you and Connie.”

“…no.”

“And her friend is for Steve?”

“That’s the plan. Hopin’ if Stevie gets lucky then uh–” Tony looked up when Bucky stammered to a stop, blushing an adorable shade of pink. “Well ya know, if Stevie is taken care of then maybe you and I–”

“My  _my_ Sergeant Barnes.” Tony took pity on him, and laughed it off. “Are you saying that if Steve is busy tonight then you are hoping to be  _busy_ as well?”

“Hopin’ to be busy with  _you_.” Bucky muttered, and Tony barely kept his composure right then, wanting to throw his head back and lose his mind laughing over how hilariously flustered the Sergeant was.

 _Damn_ it had been a long time since someone had flirted with him in a way that was simultaneously shy as hell, and as blatant as possible.

It was charming and sweet, because Bucky was obviously smitten.

It was tempting and  _unnerving_ because Tony was smitten, too.

“I could be busy tonight.” Tony finally said, biting at the inside of his cheek so he wouldn’t smirk. “I haven’t been busy in a while, might be fun.”

“Yeah?” Bucky’s eyes lit, the blue sparking hot until Tony didn’t feel like smirking anymore, wanting to fan himself over the sudden change in mood between them.

“I guess I’ll have to come find you, then.” Bucky said in a near whisper as Steve came out of the shower.

“I’ll make sure I’m easy to find.” Tony returned, and then they both shut up when Steve walked through the living room.

“Please god, don’t get messy on the couch.” Steve said without making eye contact with either of them. “Or if you do, please wait until I’m asleep.”

He slammed the door to his bedroom, and Tony and Bucky collapsed into laughter, the tense moment broken by Steve’s comment.

But when Bucky went back into his own room to grab some money for the Expo, Tony sat back on his couch and put his face in his hands.

He had been so distracted by flirting with Bucky, too stunned by the easy friendship that had sprung up between he and Steve that he had forgotten a few key things about being in the past.

Mainly, that Howard Stark was a huge part of not only America’s history, but of Steve and Bucky’s history, up to being the one to give Steve the serum, flying the plane to rescue Bucky, being a non combative but still core member for the Howling Commandos which of course, turned into SHIELD.

Tony had forgotten that being in this timeline meant that he would be alongside Howard for several parts, and that was bad enough.

But the  _worst_ part was realizing that he knew all of this already. He hadn’t been paying attention before, but now that he was thinking about it— Tony knew all of this already.

Everyone knew that Steve Rogers and Bucky Barnes had gone to the Stark Expo, and that’s where Steve finally was given a chance to become a soldier, and of course, to enter to super soldier program.

Everyone knew that Bucky had said goodbye to Steve that night, and then they hadn’t seen each other again until Steve broke into the HYDRA facility to rescue Bucky and the others, going against direct orders and using civilians to get him across enemy lines.

Then of course, Steve and Bucky went on to become the most famous hero team in American history, leaders of the legendary Howling Commandos, incredible soldiers, enviable best friends, America’s boys in blue– all that.

Everyone knew those stories, and Tony could recite them from memory, right down to the parts that hadn’t made the history books, the anecdotes that Howard had shared with him, that Dugan had laughed over at poker night, that Aunt Peggy had reminisced about on quiet nights.

Tony knew all the stories, and he knew that every single one ended with Bucky falling and with Steve putting the plane in the ice, not to be found for another seventy years.

He knew all the stories, and right then was the first moment that he realized he would have to live them all out.

Right up until the terrible end.  


	5. Chapter 5

“Isn’t this amazing!?” Bucky threw his arms open wide and spun in a circle in the huge entry to the Exposition. “Look at all of it!”

Steve was barely paying attention, his gaze firmly on the pretty girls that had come along with them, but Tony was watching Bucky with a grin, wondering why no one ever talked about Bucky Barnes being a science nerd.

Because the Sergeant current pointing and yelling at the sign for the demonstration for a flying car? Definitely a science nerd.

God  _dammit_ he was cute.

“What do you want to do first?” Bucky’s eyes were wide as he tried to take everything in. “The car demonstration isn’t until later, but we can walk through and see the new televisions, or the radios, or the show about the different elements and how they react with each other and burn different colors or the–”

“Bucky!” One of the girls– maybe Connie? Tony couldn’t tell them apart– whined. “Bucky, we want to go  _dancing_!”

“Later.” Bucky waved them off and turned to Tony and Steve with a hopeful expression. “There’s a synthetic man! A synthetic man!! Let’s go!”

“A what?” Steve frowned. “A synthe— what, a robotic man?”

“Phineas Horton.” Tony supplied, staring up at the sign for the display. “Phineas Horton’s synthetic man. They said he was– I mean, they  _think_ he will be the person who changes the world with androids.”

“Wow.” one of the girls commented, and suddenly looked quite a bit more interested in Tony. “You sounded smart just then.”

“I  _sounded_ smart just then?” Tony repeated, and tried his hardest not to laugh in her face. “Uh, thanks?”

“You  _do_ sound smart.” Bucky agreed, and Tony liked that compliment much more than the one from the girl. But then– “They let fella’s like you into the colleges back in California?”

“Fella’s like me?” Tony sputtered. “What does  _that_ mean?”

“Means that California boys are pretty but not good for much.” Connie– Bonnie?– chimed in and Tony’s mouth fell open.

“Wh–wh–wh–!”

“Come on girls, let’s find something to do.” Steve herded the girls through the entryway and towards some of the displays, leaving Bucky and Tony eyeing each other from across several yards.

“You got something against California boys?” Tony asked, his voice soft and teasing and Bucky took a few steps forward as he murmured,

“I’d like to have something against you, Tony.” Then he let his gaze drop below Tony’s waist, wet his lips and added, “Ain’t no little problem  _there_ , huh?”

Tony made a noise that wasn’t quite a squawk but definitely wasn’t a coherent reply and Bucky wrinkled his nose into a grin before trailing after Steve and the girls, leaving Tony staring after him in shock.

_Did he just reference my dick? Did Bucky Barnes just check me out and reference my–_

“Tony!” Steve yelled for him. “Come on!”

“I’m coming!” he called back and made that awkward noise again when Bucky whipped around and wiggled a set of outright devious eyebrows in his direction.

The history books all said Bucky Barnes was a  _charmer_ , not that he was a damn  _lecher_.

 _Sheesh_.

****************

****************

Tony felt nauseous as Bucky finally led them all into the flying car demonstration, but no one noticed. Bucky was too busy telling Steve that the best part of not being enlisted was being “the last eligible man in New York! There’s two million women in this city!”

“I’d settle for one.” Steve scoffed, glancing over at Connie and Bonnie, who were  _oohing_ and  _ahhing_ over another display.

Tony wanted to smile over Bucky’s obvious attempts at cheering Steve up, wanted to say something to Steve about how the right woman for him was– quite literally in this case– only a few weeks away, but he was hardly even breathing, edging towards an anxiety attack the closer they got to the stage. His heart was in his throat, his stomach twisting uncomfortably, and his hands trembled around the bag of popcorn he had snagged.

_He knew this._

Five women in ridiculous costumes, a pretty car, Howard would come jogging up and lay a hell of a kiss on one of the girls as she took his hat…. Christ, he knew all this, had seen the old video reels, had heard the stories–

 _There he was_.

“Ladies and Gentlemen! Howard Stark!”  

_There he was._

“Oh look at him!” “Gosh, he’s so handsome!” “Howard we love you!” girls were screaming at him from the audience, and Howard only flashed that award winning, paparazzi charming smile, which made them scream even more.

“Ladies and gentlemen, what if I told you–” Howard Stark– Dapper. Handsome. Fabulously wealthy. Almost intimidatingly smart. “In just a few short years, your vehicle–”

“–won’t even have to touch the ground.” Tony mouthed the words as Howard said them, staring at the man on the stage that would become his father. The man that had  _been_ his father.

The show girls pulled the tires from the car, and beside him, Tony felt Bucky tense in disbelief as Howard started pushing levers and the car started humming, vibrating, and finally lifted from the stage.

“—Holy cow.” Bucky whispered. “Tony, are you seeing this?”

“Yep.” Tony managed, working to keep his voice level. “Yeah, it’s pretty good.”

The flying car had been a disaster for Stark Industries, never more than a publicity stunt, never meant to do more than hover but  _damn_ did the audience eat it up, excited murmurs and applause from the crowd, appropriately awed expressions from the women on the stage.

Even Steve looked impressed, blue eyes widening as the car lifted even further into the air.

Tony timed it. He knew the Flying Car from the Expo had never hovered longer than ten seconds, and sure enough, right around the seventh second the car started shaking, the engine rumbling, and then it clattered back to the stage.

Tony grinned to himself, forgetting his anxiety for just a second, because Howard looked entirely panicked and instantly annoyed for about two seconds before he turned that mega watt grin back on, adopting an  _aw shucks_  expression as he said, “Well, I did say a few years, right?”

Tony finally relaxed once everyone’s attention was off the stage. Howard slipped back behind the curtains to no doubt rage over the failure like he always did, and the crowd was dispersing.

Tony could breathe again.

He didn’t know why he had been so afraid to see Howard– it wasn’t as if almost-thirty Howard would recognize his almost-thirty son that he hadn’t met yet, right? Tony hadn’t had any intention of going and speaking to Howard, no intention of drawing any attention to himself at all.

But it had been twenty years since he had even seen his dad, and Tony hadn’t realized how much he missed him until right then. It was both a shock to his system and something of a warm comfort to see his dad the way he had been in all the pictures, all the short movies from this time period.

Why had he been so nervous? In retrospect it didn’t seem like a big deal at all, in this timeline Tony was just a random guy watching a random demonstration at a fair and that was it.

That was  _it_ , so Tony took a few deep breaths, closing his eyes to get himself back under control.

“Hey.” Tony opened his eyes to see Steve watching him. “You alright? Starting to look panicky again. Is it the crowds? You got a problem with crowds?” 

“I’m fine.” Tony forced a smile, softening it a little more when Bucky glanced over at him too. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“Do you know you look like him?” Bonnie  leaned over to see him. “Like Howard Stark?”

“Uh–”

“It’s nice.” she continued. “You’re smart  _and_ cute. What a catch.”

Behind the girl, Steve rolled his eyes hard enough that it probably gave him a headache, and Tony tipped his fedora to the girl before reaching out and shoving Steve’s shoulder.

“Don’t look so cranky, blondie. Let’s go find something you want to do, huh?”

“We want to go dancing though! Take us dancing!” Apparently fed up with doing things the boys wanted to do, the girls took off towards the music, grabbing at Bucky’s hand to try and drag him along.

Bucky pulled away with a promise to catch up with them, blowing them a kiss and winking at Connie, because he knew that she wanted a chance to dance with Bonnie, not with him. “We’ll be right there, girls! Save a dance for me!”

“Stevie, what do you want to– Uh, Steve?” he looked around bewildered. “Tony, where did Steve go? He was just here, wasn’t he?”

“I bet I know where he went.” Tony said grimly, and jerked his head towards the Uncle Sam poster. “Yeah?”

“Aw shit.” Bucky took off at a jog through the crowd, Tony close at his heels, and Steve was just where Tony knew he would be–

–standing on the spring form in front of the mirrored picture of soldiers at the entrance of the recruitment center.

The idea was that young men stepped up to the platform, their faces were reflected on the body of a tall, fit soldier, one arm raised in a salute, more troops behind him.

It was Patriotic. Inspiring. Women  _loved_ a guy in uniform. Boys looked like men in that helmet. A recruiting tool that required no words, no flashy slogan. Just a mirror.

And there Steve stood, but unlike the man just before him, Steve’s head barely came up to the picture’s shoulders, only his forehead and eyes reflected in the mirror.

Tony used to laugh when Howard told this story, about how tiny Steve had been, how funny it had been to see him in the helmet, hauling a giant backpack around with the rest of the new recruits in boot camp.

But now it just seemed sad, almost depressing, seeing who Steve  _wanted_ to be superimposed over who he really was, or at least who he was currently.

“Steve.” he motioned for him. “Come on. Let’s just–”

“Steve.” Much less subtle, Bucky pushed Steve right off the spring form. “Missin’ the point of a double date. Come on. Let’s go take the girls dancing.”

“Go ahead.” Steve said quietly, and Tony’s heart sank.  _Oh no_. “I’ll uh– I’ll catch up with you.”

Bucky’s face set in a hard expression and Tony cleared his throat, looking away from what was sure to be a hell of an argument.

“You really doing this again?” Bucky demanded, and Steve nodded miserably, mumbling about  _trying his luck, since it was a fair_.

“Tryin’ your luck as  _who_?” Bucky exploded, throwing his hands in the air. “As Steve from Ohio? Dammit  _Stevie_ , this isn’t a back alley! It’s a war! Why don’t you understand that!?”

“I know it’s a  _war_!” Steve snapped back. “You don’t have to tell me that!”

“Apparently I do!” Bucky raised his voice even louder. “Why do you gotta fight? There are so many important jobs–”

“I’m not gonna sit in a factory! I’m not gonna collect scrap metal in my little red wagon!”

“WHY NOT!”

“Bucky there are men laying down their  _lives_ out there! I got no right to do any less than them! It isn’t about me–!”

“Right.” Bucky laughed bitterly, backing up a few steps. “Right. Cause you got nothin’ to prove, ain’t that right?”

Steve stared at him, jaw set stubbornly, and Bucky stared right back.

Tony looked between the two of them, his heart breaking, hating that he knew that this was  _it_ , that this was the last conversation they would have before–

“Don’t do anything stupid until I get back.” Bucky finally said, sounding much less angry all the sudden. “Yeah?”

“How can I?” Steve retorted. “You’re taking all the stupid with you.”

“Damn it, you’re such a punk.” Bucky closed the distance between them and wrapped Steve in a long hug. “You’re such a  _punk_ , Stevie.”

“Yeah, but you’re a jerk.” Steve said back, his arms right around Bucky’s shoulders, and Tony had to look away again so he wouldn’t tear up.

_They have no idea._

“Don’t win the war until I get there!” Steve called as Bucky moved away, and the Sergeant tossed him a cocky salute before heading off to find the girls.

“Um Tony–”

“Do you want me to go with you?” Tony interrupted, and Steve shrugged awkwardly. “Because I will. I’ll go with you this time.”

“Uh, why don’t you just go find Buck and the girls.” Steve motioned behind him to the center. “I’m gonna do this and then– then I’ll–”

“See us back at the apartment.” Tony finished. “Right? You’ll get back to the apartment tonight?”

“Are you and Bucky going to be there?” Steve asked bluntly. “And by  _be there_ , I mean are you and Bucky going to be–”

Tony cleared his throat loudly and Steve clapped his mouth shut for a minute. “Sorry. I forget sometimes. But really, are you two–”

“I don’t know.” Tony admitted. “I don’t really know about that. We’ll have to see how everything goes.”

“Alright.” Steve looked down the corridor again. “Well either way I guess we will have something to talk about in the morning. Wish me luck?”

“You got it Steve.” Tony said honestly. “You got it, this time they  _will_ take you, I can feel it.”

“Thanks, Tony.” Steve grinned, and Tony felt a pang in his chest, thinking that this was one of the last times he would see  _that_ particular grin on  _this_ particular size Steve. “The morning, then.”

“See you.” Tony saluted, and Steve saluted back, and turned to give it just one more shot, to try just one more time to make it.

Tony waited until Steve had disappeared around a corner before wandering away to track down Bucky and the girls.

Tonight was the night that everything changed for Bucky and Steve, and Tony didn’t know how he felt about it.

******************

******************

“You leave Stevie to it?” Bucky asked when Tony joined him at the edge of the dance floor. “Huh? Another chance to get rejected?”

“He’ll make it this time.” Tony watched the pairs twirl by, smiling when he saw Connie tearing it up with another pretty girl, an appropriate amount of distance between them, but judging by the heated look in Connie’s eyes, the distance wouldn’t be there for long. “Do you think–”

“I don’t want him to make it.” Bucky interrupted and Tony frowned at him. “No, don’t look at me like that, Tony. You don’t know Stevie like I do. He’ll run out there all fired up and ready to kill a bitch and he won’t know when to stop. He won’t know when to  _stop_ , and he’ll get hurt and I–” a deep breath. “I won’t be there to put him back together.”

“You think Steve can’t handle himself?”

“It’s not that. It’s not that.” Bucky folded his arms and  _damn it_  Tony had to look down to where his uniform pulled tight over his biceps. “Stevie can handle himself. He doesn’t need me. Hell, he’d be  _stronger_ than me if he grew a few inches.”

“So what’s the problem? Why do you keep discouraging him?” Tony kept frowning at Bucky, not sure he liked this side of the soldier, not understanding why Bucky Barnes, Cap’s right hand man would be so negative about it all. “He’s your best friend, why don’t you believe in him?”

“I believe in him.” Bucky muttered. “M’just worried war will ruin him.”

 _Oh_.

“Fighting takes everything away, you know?” Bucky held a hand to wave at Connie as she twirled by. “It’ll take his optimism, his smile, ev’rything about Stevie that I love. He believes there’s so much good in everyone, and war will show him that he’s wrong. There’s no good guys or bad guys in war. It’s just men with guns. Stevie thinks in black and white, and nothin’ about this is black and white.”

 **Oh**.

“Bucky–” Tony ran his fingers through his hair, disrupting the perfect strands. “The thing is–”

 _Damn_ how was he supposed to tell Bucky that the war  _did_ ruin Steve? That in a few years Steve wouldn’t be anything like the same kid that was so eager to get his uniform and run out the door? That everything Bucky was afraid of happening was definitely going to happen?

“The thing is–”

“I don’t really want to talk about it.” Bucky smiled a little sadly. “Tell me what was going on with you at the Stark show.”

“I–um. Nothing.”

“You’re a terrible liar, Tony, ya know?” Bucky sent him a sidelong glance. “Tell me what’s going on. C’mon sugar, I was all open and honest with you, be a little real with me, huh?”

“ _Sugar_?” Tony repeated, and beneath the bright lights of the dance floor, Bucky blushed pink. “Careful Sergeant, I’ll start to think you’re soft.”

“Can promise ya I’m not soft, Tony.” Bucky replied, his innocent blush at complete odds with the way he tugged at his pants.

“Oh my god!” Tony burst out laughing and Bucky grinned too. “Sergeant, I can’t figure out if you’re a sweet boy from Brooklyn trying to be cute with me, or a playboy army-man tryin’ to get lucky the night before he ships out.”

“I can’t be both?”

“Oh my god.” Tony covered his mouth so he wasn’t smiling so big. “Bucky Barnes I’m surprised at you.”

“You ain’t surprised at me.” Bucky countered teasingly. “Now. Tell me what happened at the Stark expo.” He shifted his weight just enough to bump Tony’s shoulder before leaning away again. “I saw ya, got all shaky and nervous, what happened? You don’t gotta tell me everything, but don’t tell me nothin’s wrong when something is.”

“Alright.” Tony scratched at his hair again, tried to figure out how to explain it without lying too much. “Alright. Mr. Stark he uh– he reminds me a lot of my old man.”

“Your pops?” Bucky motioned him over to the side so they could get another drink. “What about him?”

“Well he’s not uh–” Tony cleared his throat, then cleared it again. “He wasn’t ever all that good to me. Cold, distant, When he talked to me, it was either to tell me I was doing something wrong, or to tell me how he had done it better. I never liked him, but I had to respect him because of what he accomplished.”

Bucky opened a beer and handed it to Tony, motioning for him to continue.

“It was weird to see someone so like my dad–” Tony made a motion over his face. “– but who  _wasn’t_ my dad, and to just see him as a person and not as someone that used to give me nightmares.”

“Nightmares?” Bucky’s voice dropped low. “About  _what_?”

“Nothing that would require you avenging me.” Tony smirked. “But the  _dangerous_ thing is pretty great. Keep it up.”

“Why’d he give you nightmares, Tony.”

“Because I wasn’t ever able to be the person he wanted. And then he was gone before I even had a chance to prove to him that I could be someone he was proud of.” Tony swallowed back unexpected tears. “He’s been gone for so long, and I was a disappointment to him before then. I have this mental image of him as some sort of giant, some looming  _thing_ that I will never measure up to, and tonight I think I realized that I just never knew him as a  _person_. That maybe the man I knew wasn’t who he really was.” 

Bucky was quiet for a minute, a troubled expression on his face. “Well, I’m sorry he passed before he got to know ya, Tony.”

“Me too.” Tony’s eyes blurred and he looked down at his shoes. “But I think–”

“I think we should start drinking.” Bucky cut in, raising his bottle. “Because this is a fair, and we have been serious for far too long. It’s my last night  before shipping out and we should be laughing and drinking and getting nak—” he took a drink before he finished the sentence, and Tony wrinkled his nose at him before raising his own bottle.

“I can brood about my dad later. Here’s to you, soldier.”

“Cheers, Tony.” Bucky clinked their beers together, and tipped his head back to drain most of his in one go.

“Look at you swallowing that like a champ.” Tony muttered. “Good skill to have.” 

Bucky spit his beer all over the floor when he choked and Tony laughed until he couldn’t breathe as Bucky coughed and tried to clear his nose where he managed to inhale a little bit.

“God  _dammit_ , Tony.”

“Yeah, Brooklyn. You’re not the only who say things like that.”

*****************

*****************

“So. Thinkin’ ‘bout your dad tonight.” Bucky’s words were starting to slur together a little bit as he ripped the top off another beer. “You thinking about anyone else?”

“Anyone else?” Tony repeated, leaning back against the brick wall of the store just down the street from their building. “What do you mean by that?”

Bonnie and Connie had found a few other friends and happily ditched Tony and Bucky for more dancing, and the chance to be kissed since neither of the men were interested. Bucky had wasted no time getting Tony hustled out of the Expo and into a cab heading back towards the apartment.

A quick stop into the local grocer for more to drink, and they were content to walk the rest of the way, sipping at their beer and talking quietly. Here in the dark they were free to bump into each other as they walked, free to let their hands brush, to tease and flirt and laugh out loud without worrying about what anyone would think.

“Well, Stevie said he thinks ya left someone behind in California.” Bucky explained, and Tony’s eyes closed over the memory of  _Pepper_. “Someone you love? Someone that means we can’t–” he motioned between their bodies.

“The way I see it.” Tony looped Bucky’s tie around his knuckles and tugged until the soldier bent to get closer to him. “I’m here in New York now, and barring any spectacular event, I won’t be going back to–”  _to my own time_. “– to California any time soon. Yes, I left some people behind, but that can’t be helped now.”

His fingers trembled at the thought of never seeing Rhodey again, of never seeing Pepper smile again, of never hearing JARVIS’s comforting tones.

_Christ. I really might be stuck here._

“Brooklyn is a whole new reality for me now.” he said then, choosing his words carefully. “I can’t live my day to day as if I’m going back to California the next morning because realistically speaking–”  _Shit_. “– realistically speaking, I’ll probably never go back, you know?”

“So?” Bucky prompted, covering the hand on his tie with his own, dwarfing Tony’s fingers in his palm. “So what’r’ya sayin’ Tony?”

“I’m saying that you’re shipping out tomorrow, soldier.” Tony forced levity into his tone, pushing the rising panic away with a smile. “And we should make the most of your last night here, yeah?”

Bucky’s eyes dropped to Tony’s mouth. “Yeah, yeah I like the sound of that.”

“Come here then.” Tony started pulling on the tie again, and Bucky grinned briefly before bending down to touch their lips together.

Tony stood on his toes to make it happen faster, feeling like he needed some physical contact to keep him level, someone to hold him to keep him from freaking out over the entire situation and also that he  _really_ needed to get his hands on the hard body in front of him–

–”Ow!” Bucky jerked away when their noses collided hard enough to hurt. “Ow,  _shit_!”

“Damn sorry.” Tony touched his own nose to make sure there wasn’t blood. “We didn’t plan that very well, did we? You alright? Didn’t break anything?”

“Damn.” Bucky chuckled, then put a hand at Tony’s waist to bring him closer. “Come here. Let’s try again.”

This time Tony didn’t stand on his toes, letting Bucky close the distance between them, eyes wide as he watched Bucky get closer and closer–

–and then Bucky’s eyes opened and they were just  _staring_ at each other, close enough that Tony’s eyes crossed trying to focus and Bucky burst out laughing, pulling away again to cover his mouth and try to muffle it.

“Tony! Why are your eyes open?!”

“Why are  _your_ eyes open!” Tony shot back, feeling completely ridiculous.

“I was trying to make sure I didn’t bump your nose again!”

“That’s what I was trying to make sure of!!”

Tony had to laugh, he  _had_ to, because this was the most awkward first kiss of his life and Bucky looked just as frustrated.

“Okay, bring it back.” he motioned for Bucky. “Third time’s the charm, yeah? Don’t break my nose, and for the love of  _God_ don’t open your eyes.”

Bucky was still chuckling, but he came back for a third try and this time they didn’t crack noses, neither of their eyes were open, but Tony started to say. “Oh and we should probably–”

–But Bucky was already too close to stop, and when he felt Tony’s mouth open beneath his own, he just shrugged and stuck his tongue as far as he could between Tony’s lips.

If Tony wanted to kiss like that the first time then Bucky was more than okay with–

“Damn it, Bucky!!” Tony shoved him away, wiping the saliva from his lips.“You messy boy! Why are you sticking your tongue down my throat?”

“I thought ya wanted t’use our tongues!” Bucky argued. “Why else would your mouth be open!”

“I was trying to  _talk_!”

“Why are you trying to talk when we are supposed’t’be kissing??”

“Okay, that’s a valid point.”

They stared at each other for a long, fantastically awkward moment before Tony sighed. “Look Bucky, maybe we should–”

Bucky took two steps forward and wrapped his arms around Tony’s waist, backing him up into the wall and pinning him in place with a firm kiss.

Tony sucked in a surprised breath, his hands automatically going to Bucky’s shoulders, then sliding up his neck to tangle into his hair.

“Yeah, sugar.” Bucky muttered, parting just long enough to take a breath, then slipping his tongue out to slide along the seam of Tony’s lips, coaxing him open with little licks and teasing passes of his teeth.

When Tony opened to let him in, Bucky surged forward into his mouth, curling their tongues together and slipping slick through every corner, sucking lightly until Tony was gasping, tugging at his hair, standing on his toes to get their bodies closer together.

When Bucky finally pulled away, Tony was a wreck, lips red and bruised from being kissed so thoroughly, hair mussed, breath coming hard and fast.

“Bucky.  _Damn_.”

“What were you gonna say?” Bucky was breathing just as hard, but the fingers that ran over Tony’s cheek and down to his jawline were whisper soft. “What were you gonna say a minute ago when I tried t’kiss ya?”

Tony didn’t answer, only hooked his fingers in Bucky’s belt loops and dragged him close again, tilting his head for a second, third,  _fourth_ greedy kiss.

“Why don’t we take this upstairs?” he whispered when they broke apart after a few minutes. “Show me how you Brooklyn boys spend a night, huh?”

Another kiss, Bucky’s teeth dragging Tony’s bottom lip almost enough to make it hurt, a big hand possessive low on Tony’s hips. “ _Mmmm_.” he groaned when Tony grabbed at his ass. “Oh sure thing, sweet thing. Let’s go.” 


	6. Chapter 6

The walk through the stairs and halls of the apartment building was made mostly in silence, several feet of distance between the pair just in case anyone saw them, in case anyone thought to look twice at two men who didn’t actually live together heading towards the same rooms so late at night.

But the minute the door was shut and locked behind them, everything changed.

“ _Shit_.” Tony breathed a laugh when Bucky was suddenly all over him, big hands destroying his careful hair style, yanking his shirt out his trousers, fingers scrabbling at his waist to get to skin.

“Think I might die if I don’t get you naked soon.” Bucky mumbled against a kiss, the words slurred with the alcohol, sharpened by the undercurrent of desire moving between them. “Feels like I’ve been waiting forever for you, Tony.”

“We’ve only known each other three days.” Tony tipped his head back when Bucky started trailing hot kisses down his throat, heading for his collar bone. “How could you be waiting forever?”

“You gonna be sassy w’me right now?” Bucky dug his teeth into Tony’s shoulder and Tony shrieked. “Right now when I’m try’na get handsy with ya?”

“I’m just asking.” Tony wove his fingers into Bucky’s thick hair when the soldier started worrying a bruise at the base of his neck. “I’m just– _ah_ – just thinking that since–  _fuck_ – um–”

“Sugar.” Bucky abandoned Tony’s neck to lay a searing kiss on his lips. “I must be doin’ something wrong if you’re still talking.”

“I talk constantly.” Tony countered, pulling Bucky back for a second kiss. “Not much shuts me up, but if you’d like to try gagging me–”

“ _Tony_!”

“–I’m just saying it’s something we could talk about!”

“But if I gag you–” another kiss, Bucky’s hand on the back of Tony’s neck, the other low on his hips. “I can’t kiss you, an’ that might be my favorite.”

“Soldier, if kissing me is your favorite part of all this, you are in for a  _hell_ of a surprise when the clothes come off.”

Bucky laughed out loud and started pulling Tony towards the bedroom, tugging at the buttons on his jacket as he went, loosening his tie and tossing it onto the dresser.

“So tell me.” Tony followed suit, yanking his shirt up and over his shoulders, marveling over not feeling self conscious about any scars for the first time in  _years_. “If you’re this good at this sort of thing why was our first kiss so spectacularly terrible?”

He ripped his belt off and flung it towards the corner, pausing with his hands at his zip fly while he waited for Bucky to answer.

“I uh–” Bucky was half undressed as well, his button down hanging open and loose over his shoulders, pants riding low on his hips and doing a  _terrible_ job of disguising just how badly he wanted Tony. “I uh– I was nervous.” he said a little sheepishly.

“Why?” Tony peeled his zipper down, smirking when Bucky’s blue eyes dropped to watch. “Why would you be nervous when I was practically a sure thing?”

“A sure thing?” Bucky bit at his lip, which was completely adorable and also hilariously shy considering how  _hard_ he was straining at his pants. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, Bucky bear.” Tony kicked his shoes then his socks off. “Apparently all it takes to get me in bed is a pair of baby blues and a killer smile. So why were you nervous?”

“Tony, I–” Bucky blew out a deep breath. “Being like me– or or like you? Means I gotta hide a lot, you know? I gotta be careful that no one sees me, and I gotta take whatever I can get and that means I have to settle for –” a vague motion. “– for a few minutes here and there, for being with someone and seeing them out with their girl the next morning, for bringing someone to bed and knowing they’ll be sneaking out in the middle of the night.”

Tony frowned, but he didn’t say anything, nodding for Bucky to continue.

“Th’chance to be sweet with ya, and flirt and kiss like this?” Bucky shrugged. “I don’t ever get that Tony. I don’t get to spend a whole evening with a fella I like, I don’t get to wake up in the morning and see them and hold them close again. But with you, I might actually get it, so I’m nervous.”

“But I might not be here in the morning.” Tony argued and Bucky’s eyes widened, flashing with hurt.

“Tony–”

“Cause if your big ass snores, I’m gonna sleep out on that couch, you hear?”

“Well.” Obviously relieved, Bucky reached out to snatch Tony close, bringing him right up against his body. “Good thing I don’t snore then, huh?”

“I do though.” Tony grinned. “Sorry in advance.”

“Sweet thing, I’m not sorry at all.” Bucky cupped Tony’s face between both of his hands and lay a tiny, chaste kiss on his nose. “You can snore all you want and I won’t kick you out of bed.”

“You were warned.” Tony said snarkily and this time the kiss between them was much less chaste. “So why don’t you take my pants and off and – _ooph_!”

He huffed in surprise when Bucky lifted him right off the ground, right into his arms, and lay him out across the bed, wasting no time in shucking his pants and clambering up the mattress to stretch over on top of Tony.

“Well, hello there.” Tony grinned and opened his legs so Bucky was laying harder against him. “Bout time we ended up here.  _Damn_ , you feel good, Buck.”

“Tony.” Bucky’s breath was hot in his ear, his lips whisper soft down his neck. “What do you mean about time? I thought we’ve only known each other for three days.”

“Are you going to throw everything I say back at me!” Tony laughed when Bucky tickled lightly over his ribs. “I had a valid point!”

“A valid point?” Bucky sat onto his knees just long enough to pull Tony’s pants down to his knees and off his ankles. “I’m try’na be sweet and tell ya it feels like I’ve been waiting a long time for you and you tell me that can’t be true ‘cause we’ve only known each other a few days?”

“All I meant was–” Then Tony’s back arched, hands digging into the sheets when Bucky ran a confident hand up his cock, palming the length through his briefs. “Ah fuck– _fuck_ –”

“C’mere and touch me, honey.” Bucky pleaded, voice rough and desperate. “ _Please_.”

Tony jerked up to crush their mouths together, reaching low to get his fingers around as much of Bucky as he could, letting the thick cock jump and pulse in his hand, and Bucky seemed to sag a little, leaning into the touch as best he could without stopping his own exploration of Tony’s body.

He wasn’t ready to let Tony’s mouth go, nibbling and licking across beer soaked lips, laughing quietly every time their noses bumped, moaning when Tony pulled at his hair with one hand, the other still working over his cock.

“I love kissing you.” Tony muttered and Bucky grinned and tried to push even closer, coaxing Tony to lay back down so they were lined up from toes to shoulders, Tony’s fingers digging into his hips to encourage Bucky to move against him.

“How do you want to do this?” Tony finally managed more than a handful of words when Bucky went back to his neck, doing his damnedest to leave bruises and love bites everywhere he could, purposefully marking above the collar so Tony would have no way to hide them.

“Any which way ya want.” Bucky drawled and Tony shivered over that ridiculous Brooklyn accent that somehow was the sexiest thing he had ever heard. “I want ya anyway ya want me, Tony. How do’ya want me, baby doll?”

Well  _shit_ , who would have thought being called  _baby doll_  would be so hot?

Bucky glanced down between their bodies when Tony’s hips lifted helplessly, grinding their cocks together with a quiet gasp.

“You like when I call you baby doll?” he asked with a grin that was nothing short of wicked, and Tony grabbed at Bucky’s ass, grinding against him more purposefully.

“You tell me, soldier. Think it’s pretty obvious how easy I am for that Brooklyn accent.”

“Stevie’s got a bit’a Brooklyn too.” Bucky nipped a sharp bite onto Tony’s ear as he teased, “You gonna fall into bed with him this easy too?”

“Really?” Tony started pushing Bucky’s briefs down his thighs until he could feel how hot Bucky was, could run his fingers through the wiry curls at the base of the thick cock.  . “You gonna ask that, Brooklyn? Shouldn’t your plan to be to wreck me well enough that I can’t even  _imagine_ anyone else in bed with me?”

“That what ya want? Want me to wreck ya, Tony?”

“Holy–” Tony’s eyes snapped shut when Bucky’s hand slid up his thigh, beneath the hem of his underwear, around to squeeze at his ass, heading down the cleft between his cheeks to his entrance. “ _Bucky_ –”

“This what you want, sugar?” Bucky breathed. “Or have I finally figured out a way to shut ya up?”

“Yes.” Tony said over a groan. “ _Yes_ , definitely, but also, no to the second thing because I’m pretty sure I’m going to talk non stop until you–”

Bucky’s fingers found Tony’s entrance, pressing at his hole coaxingly and Tony shut up abruptly.

A long kiss, Bucky obviously laughing over Tony’s sudden silence, Tony making a soft sort of whimper as Bucky’s hand left his cock and traveled up to rest over his heart, then around to his hair to hold him still as they lingered over the embrace.

“Don’t think I can wait long enough to get inside ya, sweet thing.” Bucky whispered. “This time let’s just do it like this, huh?”

“Bold of you to assume  _you’d_ be inside of  _me_.” Tony snarked, but it came out more breathless than he intended as he alternated between thrusting up to rub against Bucky, and shoving back to increase the pressure between his legs. “But I have to agree. We should definitely just–”

He outright  _yelled_ when Bucky’s mouth landed hot and wet over the head of his cock, tonguing at him through his briefs.

“Yeah?” Bucky raised an eyebrow, his hands hooked in Tony’s waist band, waiting for permission before undressing him the rest of the way. “S’alright like this?”

“Oh hell yeah.” Tony licked at his lips. “But um, why don’t you let me go first? Because I’m basically useless after an orgasm, and I would hate to miss out on–” a downward glance. “– all of  _that_.”

“You’re ridiculous, Tony.”

“Are you complaining?”

“Nope.”

“I didn’t think so. Assume the position, Brooklyn.”

*******************

*******************

It was hours later, after Tony had blown Bucky’s mind with his lack of a gag reflex and after Bucky had left Tony a shaking mess with how well he used his tongue, that the door to the apartment creaked as it opened, then shut with a  _bang_.

Tony was the one to wake up, easing out from beneath Bucky’s arm and slipping out of bed, feeling around for his pants before creeping out to the living room.

“Steve?” he whispered, and the blonde looked up from the fridge. “It’s like three am, where have you been?”

“Tony.” Steve took a long drink of his water, eyeing Tony’s shirtless state. “You and Buck–”

“Uh, yep.” Tony scratched at his hair self consciously. “Yep, seems like it. Where have you been, though? I know you weren’t home when we– you know. But you’re just now getting home? What’s going on?”

“I just went for a walk.” Steve shrugged, and when Tony stared at him, he amended, “A  _long_ walk. I was trying to give you guys time and I needed time to process it all.”

“Process it all.” Tony repeated, and finally his brain woke up, everything coming back to him in a rush.

_The Stark Expo is the night Steve gets accepted into the Army._

“They accepted you.” he whispered, and the grin that split Steve’s face was almost too big for his tiny frame. “You made it in?”

Steve only nodded, too overwhelmed to even answer.

“I told you.” Tony didn’t hesitate, reaching out and dragging Steve into a hug. “Damn it, Steve, what did I tell you?”

“They’re gonna give me a chance.” Steve whispered, wrapping both his thin arms around Tony’s waist and squeezing him back. “I can’t even believe it.”

“I knew you’d make it.” Tony swallowed an unexpected burst of emotion. “Steve you’re gonna be awesome. This is going to change your life.”

“Yeah.” Steve finally pulled away, wiping his eyes with a shaking hand. “Yeah. This should be good.”

“Do you want me to wake Bucky up and–”

“No.” The blonde shook his head quickly. “No, I’m not gonna tell Buck.”

“That’s a terrible idea.” Tony said flatly. “You need to tell him.”

“Why? So he can stress about me while he’s off fighting?” Steve took another drink, waiting until his voice steadied before adding. “So he can tell me _I told you_ so when they kick me out of boot camp? When I fail?”

“No. So he can celebrate with you when you make it. Why would you think–”

“ _I_  want to be the one to tell him I made it.” Steve interrupted. “ _I_  want to be able to show him that I can do it, I want him to be surprised. Our whole life, Bucky’s been pushing me to succeed and this is the first thing he’s tried to talk me out of. Don’t tell him, alright? I want to do this without him pushing me through it, you know?”

“Alright.” Tony cracked a grin when Steve flushed in pleasure. “Proud of you, Steve.”

“Thanks Tony.” Steve finished his water and motioned back towards the bedroom. “You guys done or should I stay out here on the couch for a minute?”

“ _Yikes_.” Tony laughed awkwardly. “No, we’re done. We won’t keep you up.”

“G’night Tony.” Steve patted his shoulder and headed towards his room.

Tony waited for the door to close before drinking a glass of water himself and taking a quick trip to the bathroom.

When he got back to the bedroom, Bucky was sitting up in bed staring at him with something careful and  _fragile_ in his eyes.

“You alright?” Tony stopped a few steps from the bed. “Buck?”

“Thought maybe I was snoring.” Bucky said shortly, and he didn’t have to ask  _why’d you leave_ , because it was written all over his face.

“Steve came home.” Tony explained, keeping his voice soft as the tension washed out of Bucky’s body. “You weren’t snoring, Brooklyn. I told you that was the only deal breaker, only reason I wouldn’t be here, yeah?”

“Come back then.” Bucky held out his hand and Tony shimmied out of his pants to crawl back under the covers. “There, that’s better.”

They settled back into bed together, Tony’s head on Bucky’s shoulder, Bucky holding him close.

“How’s Stevie?”

“Said he went for a walk to give us some time.” Tony snorted and Bucky hid his smile in Tony’s hair. “Wanted to know if we were done or if he should sleep on the couch.”

“Just for that we should keep him awake.” Bucky started trailing light fingers down Tony’s stomach. “Huh?”

“Yeah, soldier?” Tony raised an eyebrow. “Down for another round?”

“I wouldn’t say I’m  _down_ for another round.” Bucky lay back in the pillows and rolled Tony on top of him, lifting against him purposefully. “But I’m  _up_ for another one.”

“Brooklyn.” Tony smothered a quiet laugh into a kiss, rolling his hips languidly, just enough to make Bucky’s breath catch. “You have something to make things slippery or do I need to use my mouth again?”

“I’m tempted to make you use your mouth again.” Bucky sucked Tony’s bottom lip between his teeth. “But yeah, I got something for us to use.”

Tony said a silent prayer of thanks that he wasn’t even  _thirty_ in this timeline as his body responded with all the gusto of his younger years when Bucky caught both of them in a suddenly slick palm, stroking them together slowly.

Urging Tony down for a longer kiss, Bucky shifted so Tony was lying between his thighs, so they could thrust and push against each other and into his tight grip.

“S’good, Bucky.” Tony panted, and Bucky closed his eyes, focusing on how good Tony felt above him, against him, how perfectly they moved together in the dark.

“Ah sweet thing, you’re so  _good_ ….”

****************

****************

“What did you mean when you said it felt like you’d been waiting forever for me?” Tony said later, as they lay together and tried to settle down, the combined mess of both their come cooling in between their bodies, Bucky’s hands stroking lazily down Tony’s back to squeeze and knead at his ass before moving back up.

“You gonna make fun’a me again?” Bucky challenged, and Tony buried his face in Bucky’s neck so he wouldn’t let out an entirely un-sexy, completely unmanly giggle.

“Nah, tell me. I’m serious. Been thinking about what you meant for hours now.”

“You ain’t been thinkin’ about it.” Bucky yawned, and despite Tony’s protest over the mess, he pulled him down to lay against his chest. “Or else I was doing something wrong, yeah?”

“You definitely weren’t doing anything wrong.” Tony agreed, lapping a drop of sweat at Bucky’s collarbone, making the soldier shiver beneath him. “But tell me what you meant anyway.”

“I dunno exactly.” Bucky started slowly. “I just felt like when we met, like I already knew you. Like you and I were s’posed to meet right then for some reason. You believe in past lives and all that?”

“…I’ve never really put any thought into it.”

“Me neither.” Bucky shrugged. “But when I met ya it felt like maybe we’d already met. Maybe a past life, maybe you just look like someone I see all the time, I dunno what it is, Tony, but it felt  _right_.”

“It felt like,” he hesitated now, the steady heartbeat picking up beneath Tony’s ear. “Felt like whatever time we needed to get t’know each other, whatever time it would take for us t’like each other… it all just fell away. All that time just fell away and I was ready to be with you.”

_Oh._

_Oh shit._   

“S’that dumb to say?” Bucky frowned when Tony didn’t say anything. “Didn’t mean to make anything awkward, maybe I’m just worked up over leaving, or maybe it’s just—”

Tony silenced him with a sweet kiss, coming back again and again to touch their lips together.

“Feels like time falls away?” he whispered and Bucky nodded. “Yeah, yeah I know what you mean.”

“Tony.” Bucky rolled them, cradling Tony close so they didn’t fall off the bed. “Is it weird to ask you to be my fella after only a few days? Maybe to write me an’ that sort of thing?  I know we can’t be like this out where anyone can see, but it sure would be nice to know you’re waitin’ for me to come home.”

“I can do that.” Tony fit his fingers into Bucky’s hair, letting the dark strands fall over Bucky’s forehead and into his eyes. “I can do that.”

“Yeah?” Bucky pushed their foreheads together. “You can stay here, live in my room, look out for Stevie for me. I’ll send the money home so you won’t need to work or nothing, send it to the bank or something, what do you think?”

“I think I could keep your bed warm.” Tony teased, but the kiss Bucky gave him was anything but teasing, fingers curling possessively into Tony’s side.

“I’m ‘bout gone on you, sweet thing.”

“I’m about gone on you too, soldier.”

**********************

**********************

“Good morning.” Tony was bleary eyed the next morning, and Steve passed with a cup of coffee without commenting on the ridiculous state of Tony’s hair, or the fact that he had tiredly slipped into a pair of Bucky’s pants and not his own.

“Bucky had to leave already.” he said quietly.

“Yeah, I know.” Tony rubbed at his eyes as he slumped in the chair, taking a grateful sip of what would probably be the last cup of caffeinated coffee in the house for a while.

Bucky had kissed him goodbye before he left, looking handsome and put together in his uniform, but the hand on Tony’s cheek had been trembling, Bucky only half as confident about shipping out to war as he pretended to be.

“You alright?” Steve pressed, sipping at his own decaf cup. “I know you two got really close after only a few days so–”

“I’m fine.” Tony waved him off and put his head on the table. “I’m fine. We did get close, but it’s–”

“He really likes you.” Steve interrupted. “This might have just been a hook up for you, but Bucky  _really_ likes you. He told me it seems like he’s known you forever, like he was just waiting to find you. Do you feel anything like that for him?”

“Steve–”

“ _Do you_?”

“Alright, you want to know what I feel?” Tony sat back up, further destroying his already messed up hair with a careless hand. “I feel like a week ago, I never would have thought I’d be friends with you and sort of head over heels for your roommate. A week ago, I figured I would take my relationship with my girlfriend as far as it could go and then try not to be too sad when she inevitably left me–”

“– _she_?!”

“–nope. Don’t do that. That’s a discussion for another time.” Tony shook his head. “A week ago I was pretty positive that my life in– in  _California_ – was spiraling, that  _I_  was spiraling, and I didn’t know how to change it and then all the sudden here I am in Brooklyn and you and I are hanging out, and Bucky and I are–” he cleared his throat. “– whatever we are doing.”

“And regardless of everything that’s happened and how surprised I am by it all.” Tony spread his hands helplessly. “Steve, this might be the happiest I’ve been ever. Ever.  _That’s_ what I feel.”

“Oh.” Steve blinked at him. “I didn’t expect that.”

“I didn’t expect it either.” Tony muttered, rubbing over his chest as his heart started hurting.

It was true.

He missed Rhodey, he missed Pepper enough to make him  _ache_ , but he knew that it made Rhodey sick that Tony wasn’t happy, hadn’t been happy in years. He knew his life with Pepper would end because they already struggled with his long term depression, with his recklessness, with his nightmares and trauma and PTSD from Afghanistan. It was only a matter of time before they ended, whether it was amicably or not.

He knew all that.

And even though Tony knew that his and Bucky’s story wouldn’t have a happily ever after, it was a while away still, they had plenty of time before Bucky fell, time to be happy together, because what would it hurt to be in love before the inevitable happened?

He knew Steve would survive the ice, and he knew that thanks to the nuke, the Avengers had won the battle for New York.

He knew the future would survive without him.

And Tony  _knew_ that if he was given the choice, he would stay right here in the past.

“I’m happy.” he repeated. “And I’m at peace with ending up in Brooklyn and what’s happening with Bucky and I– I’m not going anywhere Steve. Not if I can help it.”

“Good.” Steve finally grinned. “I might not be into you like Bucky is, but it does feel like you fit right in with us, like we’ve always been friends. I’m glad you’re sticking around.”

“Thanks.” Tony grinned right back, internally screaming over  _Captain America_ being happy to be friends with him. “So let’s talk about you, huh?”

“Right.” Steve blew out a deep breath. “I’m supposed to be at boot camp at the end of the week. But uh, I was thinking maybe you could go with me?”

“How the hell would we manage that?” Tony frowned. “I can’t do a push up to save my life, Steve. I’ll stick out worse than you.”

“Thanks for that.” Steve flicked a bread crumb at him. “I dunno how to make it happen, but we should try, huh? I’d like you there for support.”

“Support.” Tony echoed, knowing damn well that Steve would last a week before they pulled him for the super soldier program, that in less than three weeks time, Steve’s life would change completely. “We’ll figure it out, Steve. Even if I’m mopping floors in the mess hall, I’ll figure it out.”

“Appreciate it, Tony.” Steve put his cup in the sink. “I’m heading to get some more sleep.”

“Out walking too late?” Tony called, and Steve tapped the wall as he walked by.

“You and Bucky aren’t as quiet as you think you are!”

“Damn.” Tony chuckled as he finished his coffee. “Cap coming back with the  _sass_.” 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve goes through boot camp! This is from Tony’s POV so it doesn’t follow the movie scene exactly, but I’m pretty happy with how it turned out.

Tony and Steve sat in the admittance office at Fort Lehigh for over two hours before Steve’s name was finally called. **  
**

Every the side door opened, Steve jumped. Every time the receptionist got a phone call and glanced around the room, Steve tensed, until she called for someone else, and then his shoulders would slump again.

“Don’t do that.” Tony said after the third of fourth time listening to Steve sigh as if his world was ending. “Stop that. You were accepted into boot camp, your name is on file, don’t worry. They’re going to call for you.”

“I know.” Steve’s leg was bouncing anxiously, his knuckles white around his admittance papers. “But it’s taking a long time.”

“Yeah, well military time isn’t just used for the clock.” Tony said, stretching his legs out to try and get comfortable. “It’s a whole other speed of doing things. Hurry up and wait, you know?”

“No?” Steve looked at him quizzically. “Why would we hurry up and wait?”

“That’s the question every soldier sitting in an airport waiting for a flight asks himself.”

“ _What_?”

“Never mind.” Tony shook his head. “Never mind, sorry.”

“I know they do things different in California, Tony.” Steve wrinkled his nose at him. “But sometimes you talk real strange.”

“Yep.” Tony folded his arms, trying not to smile. “Sorry about that. I forget you Brooklyn boys might not know my lingo—“

“Your—“

“Slang! My slang!” Tony laughed out loud, earning himself a loud  _shhh_! from the receptionist. “Sheesh. Never mind, it doesn’t matter.”

“Tony can I ask—“

The man at the front desk called Steve’s name and the blonde jumped to his feet, forgetting whatever he was going to say to Tony.

“Here!” He called excitedly. “Steve Rogers!”

The receptionist simply pointed at the door to the left with his pencil.

“Here we go.” Steve said quietly, suddenly sounding much more nervous, and Tony stood as well, putting a comforting arm around Steve’s shoulders– he was never going to get used to being taller than Steve– and squeezed him lightly. “Thanks for coming Tony. For sitting with me so I didn’t drive myself crazy.”

“No problem, Steve.” He brushed a spot of dirt of Steve’s collar. “And don’t worry, I’ll figure out a way to be close while you’re here, yeah? It’s war and this an army base. They must need someone to sweep floors or scrub latrines, right? I can do that.”

“You don’t look like you’ve ever scrubbed a toilet a day in your life.” Steve returned with a wry smile. “At least not with your hair slicked back all fancy like that.”

“Don’t make fun of my hair.” Tony smoothed his fingers through the perfectly styled strands. “I look great.”

Steve’s smile got a little bigger and Tony grinned right back. “Go on, because I’m pretty sure the guy’s going to change his mind about you if you don’t get a move on. I’ll figure something out.”

“Right.” Steve took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a brief second. “This is all I ever wanted, Tony. Why am I so nervous?”

“Everyone’s nervous to go to war.” Tony said quietly. “If you weren’t nervous, I’d be worried about you. You’ll be fine. I bet you’ll be a Captain before you know it.”

“A Captain.” Steve raised his eyebrows. “Slow down, Tony. First I’ve got to figure out how to do a push up.”

“Go on.” A less than gentle shove towards the door on the other side of the room. “The war’s going to be won by the time you get through there if you don’t hurry it up!”

“Bye Tony.” Steve raised his hand in a farewell, then straightened his thin shoulders and marched through a door that looked far too inconspicuous to be the one that would change his life.

Tony remained standing until the door shut behind Steve, then slumped back down into his chair to think, and to wait for his chance to get himself a place on the base so he could stay close like he promised.

It had been a long few days at the apartment without Bucky around to fill the silence, and the two had driven themselves to distraction with it.

Finally Tony had started dragging Steve out for walks around town almost every day, grabbing lunch at which ever little spot Steve pointed out as having decent food. Deciding that he was in fact  _very_ suited to clothing styles of the 40s, Tony spent a fairly ridiculous amount of money on new clothes and several new hats as well as shoes polished to a high enough shine that Tony could almost see his face in them.

“Why the new duds?” Steve had asked, and Tony had only shrugged before exchanging one fedora for another, and answering, “Sometimes clothing acts like body armour, you know? First line of defense?”

“That’s a weird thing to say.” Steve had scoffed and Tony had smiled a little sadly before nodding. “It sounds weird until you start using things like sunglasses as a shield.”

Steve had left it at that, and if he noticed Tony was a little quieter that night, he hadn’t brought it up.

Tony slept in Bucky’s room every night, curled into the blankets and forcing himself to sleep so he wouldn’t lay awake and think about the absolute absurdity of his situation– the blip through time, meeting a surprisingly scrappy pre serum Steve, falling so quickly for Bucky–

And that was– that was–

Was he  _falling_ for Bucky? Was it misplaced affection because of such an unexpected situation? Was he simply swayed by the blue eyes and the Brooklyn accent?

Tony had never shied away from men when he dated– his first real kiss had been with a boy, after all– but he couldn’t say he had loved any of them.

He loved  _Pepper_.

And he… he liked Bucky.  _A lot_.

And how little he was conflicted over it, how ready he was to leave his old life and fully embrace this one was enough to keep Tony tossing and turning at night.

But today Steve and he both had been awake with the sun, drinking their coffee and staring out the window at the street and trying to pretend like they weren’t thinking about exactly this– Steve walking through a door and into a brand new life.

It was surreal, to be living this part of history, and Tony shifted on his seat and pinched himself just to be sure he really awake.

Steve was going to become Captain America in just over a week, and Tony was going to be there to see it.

It would easy to enough to forge a badge granting him clearance to the base. There were no microchips or retinals scans or anything like that, and by the time anyone did the paperwork to see if Tony was  _really_ cleared to be on the base, Steve would have already been accepted to the super soldier program and they wouldn’t be around anymore.

All Tony had to do was get close enough to someone to snatch their security badge, and since Jarvis, in all his wisdom had been happy to teach the young Stark heir the art of not only sleight of hand but also lock picking, if Tony could get a badge, he could definitely get through a door and then he could—

A door he hadn’t noticed at the other side of the room opened with a slam and every man in the lobby jumped in surprise, then got to their feet, removing their caps and offering smiles when a woman marched through carrying a big box of files and clipboards.

But not just any woman.

Not just any woman at all.

“Aunt Peggy.” Tony breathed out, eyes wide, mouth falling out. “ _Holy_ –”

“At ease gentlemen.” Peggy said with a sharp nod of her head, heels clicking as she crossed the tile floor. “No use in all of you standing and doffing your cap when you aren’t going to step forward and a help a lady. Not that I  _need_ help–” she stopped to sign in at the desk, and Tony’s fell open even wider as no less than six heads swiveled to stare at her rear. “–but it would have been bloody polite for you to offer, wouldn’t it have?”

“Uh, ma’am, if you’d let me–” A fresh faced young man who obviously wasn’t old enough to recognize the fairly sarcastic and mildly dangerous tony Peggy was using stepped forward. “I’d love to take that box for you.”

“No no.” Peggy shook her head, a smile too sweet to be real crossing her lips as she thumped the box down on the desk “No, I insist that you don’t put yourself out. I  _insist_.”

“Well, I uh– I mean uh–”

“Speak your words, soldier.” Peggy continued with that same syrupy sweet smile. “You are rapidly losing my interest.”

Well Tony certainly knew  _that_ tone of voice, the one that said  _it’s too late, you’re in trouble_ , and memories of hearing that particular tone of voice shortly before getting chewed out had him leaping out of his seat and skittering across the floor, snatching the box off the desk and holding it up proudly.

“I’ve it for you.” he said quickly. “Uh, Agent Carter. I will carry it for you. You just tell me where to go and I’ll take it.”

“Hm.” Peggy looked him over with a sharp eye and Tony stood up even straighter under the scrutiny, smothering the urge to giggle over seeing his favorite fearsome Aunt in her twenties.

“Ma’am.” Tony waited with a carefully neutral expression as Peggy’s light eyes flitted from his overly gelled hairstyle to his flashy clothing, down to his beautifully polished shoes.

“Mr–” she raised her eyebrow and Tony supplied. “Carbonell.”

“Mr. Carbonell.” Peggy echoed. “Have you heard the saying that a man’s first coat of armor is his clothing?”

“Once or twice in my life, ma’am.”

“Hm.” she looked him over again. “Tell me, Mr. Carbonell. What battle are you so keenly geared for that you feel the need to dress so fancy in a place like this?”

“I’m just trying to make sure I’m prepared for whatever life brings me, ma’am.” Tony was trying hard not to laugh, completely weirded out by having this conversation with his Aunt a full thirty five years before Peggy would have the same conversation with him on his first day at a new school.

“It’s Agent Carter.” she said after another minute of scrutiny. “With me, please.”

Without another word, she turned on her heel and marched away, and Tony followed as close as he could, ignoring the dirty looks from the other men.

They could be angry all they wanted that he had managed to charm the prickly Agent.

It wasn’t Tony’s fault that he knew all the right answers to Peggy’s questions, after all, he had grown up with the woman–uh,  _would_ grow up with the woman–uh–

 _Sheesh_.

_Time travel was hard._

******************

******************

“Recruits!” Peggy’s voice cut across the yard like a thunder clap. “Attention!”

Tony watched with an amused smile as the soldiers scrambled into line, standing at attention even as a few of their eyes widened when they caught sight of Peggy.

“A clipboard to each man please.” She said over her shoulder to Tony, then turning back to the soldiers, “Gentlemen, I am Agent Carter. I supervise all operations for this unit.”

Tony handed a clipboard to Steve and winked when the blonde’s eyes widened. “Shhh.” he held a finger to his lips and kept moving down the line.

“What’s with the accent, Queen Victoria?” A big soldier asked and Tony’s head shot up. _No way. No way he was actually going to see_ — “Thought I was signing up for U.S. Army.”

“What’s your name, soldier.” Peggy’s voice was practically ice.

 _Gilbert fucking Hodge_. Tony supplied mentally. He had heard this story more times than he could count.

“Gilbert Hodge, your Majesty.” the soldier answered, clearly ready to laugh at Peggy.

“Step forward, Hodge.” Peggy said calmly, and when the Hodge stepped forward with a ready smirk, she added, “Right foot forward please.”

“Oooh, we gonna wrassle?” Hodge asked with an exaggerated drawl. “‘Cos I got a few moves I  _know_ you’ll like.”

Peggy barely blinked, and every soldier in the line jumped when she cold clocked Hodge, laying him out with a single punch, leaving him twitching in the dirt.

Tony had never struggled so hard not to react in his entire life.

Seeing his Aunt Peggy, all hundred and twenty pounds of her, cold clock a soldier that stood well over six feet before calmly brushing dust off her skirt was about the funniest thing Tony had ever seen.

“Agent Carter!”

“Colonel Phillips!” Peggy turned with a smile and a salute.

“I see you’re already breaking in the candidates. That’s good.” Colonel Phillips eyeballed Hodge. “Soldier get your ass up outta the dirt and stand in line until someone tells you what to do with yourself.”

“Yes sir.” Hodge got back in line, sniffing the blood from his nose, eyes straight ahead, face a bright, mortified red.

Tony stepped back out of the way as Colonel Phillips started walking the line of men, talking about Patton and how wars were won. When he announced that at the end of the week a man would be chosen for a new program, to be the first of a new breed of soldiers, Tony watched as a few of the men straightened up further, and a few others looked away.

Steve didn’t hesitate though, didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink, his posture never changing in the slightest.

He was the smallest man in boot camp, woefully unprepared to be a soldier, about to be thrown into a challenge that would change his life and shape the future of more people than he could possible know–

–and he wasn’t showing an ounce of fear.

 _Captain America_. Tony thought.  _Damn_.

*******************

*******************

“So, Agent Carter seems to like you.” Steve said as he flopped back onto his less than comfortable bunk that night in the barracks. “How’d ya manage that? Dame like that, ice wouldn’t melt in her mouth.”

“Ice wouldn’t melt–” Tony grinned and sat on the bunk across from him. “Steve that is a  _shockingly_ rude thing to say about a woman that could break you over her knee and be perfectly put together while doing it.” 

“Meh.” Steve shrugged. “After a day like today, I’m not feelin’ real polite.”

“Yeah, I can’t blame you for that.” Tony frowned, thinking about all the times he had seen Steve pushed to the back, shoved out of the way and outright bullied during the drills. “These guys are assholes.”

“Yeah.” Steve snorted and folded his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. “Yeah they are. I know we’re all technically competing for the same spot, but we’re all soldiers, you know? Why would you sabotage anyone who wants to help our country?”

“Because most men go to war for  _glory_ , not for the greater good.”

“You don’t deserve the glory if you earn it by stepping on other people.”

“That’s easy to see if you’re the guy being stepped on.”

“It should be easy to see if you’re the guy doing the stepping.”

Tony smiled and glanced out the window, watching the silhouettes of Peggy and Colonel Phillips in the command center windows.

“Girl like that would give a man a reason to come home from war, you know?” Steve said then, sounding wistful. “Did you see her smile? Never seen something that pretty in all my life.”

“Agent Carter?”

“Yeah.” Steve closed his eyes, a dreamy smile on his face. “Her first name is Margaret. Beautiful.”

“Steve.” Tony raised his eyebrows. “You sweet on Agent Carter? She’s technically your commanding officer. Isn’t that sort of thing frowned on?”

“That’s the sorta girl I’d break a rule for.” Steve yawned and sagged into the mattress. “Tony, tomorrow we should…”

A snore finished his sentence and Tony blinked at him a few times, before sighed and pulling the blanket up over Steve to keep him warm.

“Good night Cap.”

****************

****************

“Here they come now.” Peggy turned from the passenger seat of the Jeep and Tony turned with her to see the recruits jogging up in two lines, Sergeant Duffy yelling at them the entire time.

“What are they going to do?” He asked, even though he already knew, another story he had heard enough times to quote. “What’s with the flagpole?”

“This, Mr. Carbonell, is a test that is deceptively simple and yet fantastically telling.” Peggy watched the soldiers scrabbling to get up the pole, desperate to get the flag. “Any strategist worth his salt would know that it is always easier to cut something  _down_ than it is to scale it. Easier to go  _through_ something than to go up and over or even around. And any good leader knows to listen first, and then act, not to rush blindly into a situation because you only heard what you wanted to hear.”

Tony raised his eyebrows but didn’t comment, having learned from years of loving Aunt Peggy, and the past three days of getting to know  _this_ particular Peggy, that she didn’t need him to fill the silences when she paused.

“Watch. All these boys are going to try and climb the pole, because they think that’s what they were told to do, but it isn’t. They were told to  _retrieve the flag,_ not to climb the pole, and not one of them heard it that way _.”_  Peggy smiled in triumph as the group started to move on, the soldiers frustrated with the impossible task. “What did I tell—”

She stopped talking when she caught sight of Steve calmly taking the pegs out of the bottom of the pole and watching it topple before retrieving the flag. Amidst the stunned and somewhat jealous stares of the other men in the unit, Steve handed the flag to Sergeant Duffy and hopped in the  back of the jeep without even pausing.

“Agent Carter, ma’am.” He nodded to Peggy. “Mr. Carbonell.” a nod to Tony.

“Rogers.” Peggy managed in a strangled sort of tone.

“Steve.” Tony couldn’t keep the smirk off his face, and when Peggy sent him a censuring look, Tony whipped around and put the car in drive. “Apologies ma’am.”

He stole a glimpse in the rear view mirror as they drove, and winked at Steve anyway, who winked back with an exhausted grin.

Peggy was refusing to smile, but she did look mighty impressed.

That night Steve had much more energy, sitting up and sharing a snack with Tony as they talked about the day.

“So Agent Carter is just letting you drive her around?” He asked around a mouthful of jerky. “How did you manage that?”

“She doesn’t like soldiers.” Tony shrugged. “Says she likes me because I have yet to call her  _doll_ and she hasn’t caught me leering at her once, and apparently that’s all it takes to impress her. She likes how I drive, which is frankly shocking, and when I asked to stay in the barracks instead of staying off base her exact words were ‘as long as you don’t think you are sharing quarters with me’. I took that as a yes and look! Now we are roomies!”

“Roomies.” Steve took a long drink of his water, looking around the empty barracks. “No one thinks it’s weird that you and I are the only one sharing this whole place?”

“Nah.” Tony shook his head. “From what I’ve seen, this part of the base is so empty most of the men in the program are only two or three to a room. What’s  _more_ surprising is how no one has blinked over me– an obvious civilian– hanging out with you guys.”

“She doesn’t like soldiers?” Steve asked then. “Agent Carter doesn’t?”

“Were you listening to anything I said?!” Tony laughed at him. “Or are you still stuck on Agent Carter? What the hell, Steve! Don’t you know bros before–” he coughed. “–  uh, friends before dames?”

Steve didn’t answer, staring out the window towards the command center.

“She doesn’t like  _most_ soldiers.” Tony finally said, when Steve showed no sign of paying attention. “She doesn’t like most soldiers, but she was impressed with you today.”

“I highly doubt that.”

“Yeah, well you didn’t hear her asking Erskine for more information about you later, did you?” he shot back. “After watching you tackle that whole pole thing, she asked all sorts of questions about you until Dr. Erskine suggested that she ask you herself, and then she shut up about it!”

“Nah.” Steve blushed to the tips of his ears. “Agent Carter wouldn’t be interested in a fella like me. She’s pretty and sweet–”

“ _Sweet_?!”

“– you can tell in her eyes.” If possible, Steve blushed even harder. “Plus, she’s bout the only dame who  _will_ look me in the eyes. Most of them just look right over my head. Nice to be seen for once, you know what I mean?”

“I…” Tony hesitated, thinking about his life before New York. “I do know what you mean, Steve. Sometimes I feel like people see me, and then don’t actually see  _me_ , you know?”

“Probably cause your clothes are so flashy they can’t see past them.” Steve shoved at him and Tony shoved him right back. “How we supposed to see  _you_ when all the light is reflectin’ off your tie pin?”

“Jerk.” Tony grinned. “I can’t help it I have style.”

“Oh is that what you call it?” Steve started getting undressed for the night, stripping down to his boxers and climbing under the covers. “We only got a few more days, right? Until they decide who gets in the program?”

“Should be tomorrow or the day after.” Tony agreed, getting in to his own bed. “I’m sure they’ve already decided who’s in it, Steve. Just a matter of finishing out the week like they promised.”

“Think they’ll send me to regular boot camp after? Let me finish up my last five weeks of training so I can ship out?” 

“After?” Tony sat back up. “You don’t think they will take you in the program?”

“You’re kidding, right?” Steve rolled his eyes at Tony and settled onto his side. “Why would they pick me when they have men like Hodge and the others?”

“Dr. Erskine wouldn’t have selected you if he didn’t want you, Steve.”

“Maybe.” Steve shrugged, his eyes falling closed as the day caught up with him. “But I dunno, maybe he just felt sorry for me. Everyone seems to be laughing at me for this, you know, but I don’t care. I just want to be a soldier, Tony. Want to save lives. I don’t need to be super for that.”

“Hm.” Tony stayed awake long after Steve had fallen asleep, staring at the man that would be Captain America in just a few short days.

Never once in all those stories, in all the news reels, in the displays in the museum did it mention that Steve fully planned on not going through with the program, that he hadn’t thought he even had a chance to be picked.

No, all the pictures of steel jawed, all American,  _confident_ Steve Rogers showed no trace of shakiness or fear.

Maybe that was why Tony had always hated Steve, just a little bit. Howard had thrown it in his face whenever he faltered– Steve Rogers  _willingly_ went through with the serum,  _willingly_ left his easy career as a show man to land behind enemy lines and charge through to bring the 107th home. Steve Rogers had never  _hesitated_ , had never  _wavered_ , had never  _faltered_ –

–Tony faltered, he second guessed himself, he failed over and over and over and Captain America, Steve, never had. Never  _ever_ had.

But Steve was hesitating now. He was faltering, he was second guessing, he wasn’t confident at all– he was  _human_ , more than he had ever been in all those stories.

That night, whatever that last little bit of resentment Tony held towards Steve, whatever anger was left over from all those years of never measuring up to the man, the myth, the  _legend_ that had become Captain America, filtered away in the quiet dorms.

Tony bent over Steve’s sleeping form and lay the tiniest, tiniest kiss on his forehead, the way Pepper had kissed him long before they had dated, the way Rhodey still did when Tony had a bad day, or just too  _long_ of a day and fell asleep at his desk.

Getting to know Steve, to really know Steve, might be the best thing that had ever happened to him.  

*****************

*****************

It had been a grenade the clinched it in the end, that convinced everyone that Steve was the right man for the job,  just like Tony knew it would be.

Colonel Phillips had argued with Dr. Erskine, watching the men do push ups, watching them do jumping jacks, his direct gaze zeroing in on Steve in his too big helmet and baggy clothes, thin arms flailing wildly.

Tony had been leaning against the Jeep he used to drive Peggy around when the grenade had landed in the middle of the recruits, and he was fairly certain that he was the only man that hadn’t jumped and screamed.

Because even  _Steve_ jumped and screamed, but he jumped onto the grenade like a damn fool, screaming for everyone else to get away, to get back to safety.

Tony had the supreme pleasure of seeing Colonel Phillips jaw nearly hit the ground, Dr. Erskine’s expression just on this side of entirely too smug, before the Colonel pulled himself back together, snorted something about Steve still being too skinny, and stalked away.

There were tears in Peggy’s eyes when she realized the grenade was a dud, and Tony watched her closely, because Aunt Peggy had always laughed over this story, but right now she looked the closest to fainting he had ever seen.

And Steve, fearless  _ridiculous_ Steve– “Is this another test?”

Now Tony sat outside the dorms that had served as his and Steve’s room for the last week, listening to the quiet voices inside.

Dr. Erskine had very politely asked him to vacate the room so he could have a few minutes with Steve, and Tony had left without a word. He knew what they were saying anyway. Knew that Steve would learn all about Johann Schmidt, about the super soldier serum. That Erskine would tell him that Steve was chosen because a weak man knows the value of strength and compassion.

 _Physically_ weak. Tony mentally amended, because there was nothing weak about Steve’s strength of character at all.

After Dr. Erskine left, Tony crept back into the dorms, sitting across from Steve and reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder.

“Alright?” he asked, because Steve was shaking, his eyes shut tight. “Steve?”

“I’m scared.” Steve whispered. “Tony, I am  _terrified_ of this. Dr. Erskine said the last man to do this couldn’t handle it. That the serum brought out everything bad in him and ruined him and–”

“But you’re a good man.” Tony interrupted. “The bad things about you could fit in a thimble. What happened to Joh– to that other guy isn’t going to happen to you.”

“What if it does, though? What if the formula is wrong again? What if it takes me and twists me into something–” Steve shuddered. “Damn, I wish I would have taken that drink he offered.”

“I’ve always wanted to be friends with a super villain.” Tony mused. “It might not be the worst thing if you turned into–”

“TONY!”

“Sorry, sorry, I was only joking.” He said apologetically. “Sorry. My way of dealing with stress is to make terrible jokes about it.”

Steve only shook his head in exasperation, and then– “Any other time I’ve been this scared Bucky would’a just climbed into bed and slept next to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Ever since we were kids. He was there for everything– every fight, every thing I accomplished, losing my parents.” Steve’s gaze was a little vacant. “This is the biggest and most likely the worst decision of my life, and not only is he not here, but he doesn’t even know about it. What am I  _doing_ , Tony?”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Tony moved to sit on Steve’s bed, linking their fingers and tugging until they were close enough for their shoulders to bump. “Listen–”

“Tony.” Steve was staring down at their hands. “What are you–”

“I’m not Bucky.” Tony pointed out. “And we are on a military base so I definitely can’t sleep next to you to calm you down, so this is going to have to work, yeah? Everything’s going to be fine, Steve. You have the greatest minds from several countries working on this, and you know they wouldn’t test it on a soldier without knowing it was safe.” Tony wasn’t about to tell Steve about all the things the government  _did_ test on soldiers, so he just smiled and squeezed Steve’s hand tighter.

“And you know what? Worst case scenario it doesn’t work and–”

“–and I’m a failure at another thing I try?”

“– and you and I go back to Brooklyn, get a job, cause general shenanigans around the neighborhood and wait for Bucky to get home, right?” Tony ignored what Steve had said, shaken by the resignation in the deep voice. “Worst case scenario we just go home.”

“Alright.” Steve’s voice was whisper soft, and they fell into silence, each lost in their own thoughts.

A piece of Tony thought maybe he should be saying more to help Steve, a smaller piece of him thought he should be saying less.

Steve was going to go through with it, because he had to, because Tony was just living history, watching as it happened around him and everyone  _knew_ that Steve went through with the serum injection. He couldn’t imagine that there was anything he could say that would change how Steve felt about it, so maybe he should just keep his mouth shut and–

“This helps, Tony.” In that same whisper, Steve’s thin hand tightening in Tony’s palm. “Thank you.”

“Uh– yup.” Tony nodded a few times. “Sure thing, Steve.”

Silence again, Tony lost in his thoughts about tomorrow– seeing his dad up close again, watching this Steve transform into the Steve he knew, the death of Dr. Erskine–

And Steve kept staring down at his hand in Tony’s, wondering if his heart was beating so fast because he was nervous–

–or if it was something else all together.


	8. Chapter 8

“You writing to Bucky?” Steve asked peeking over Tony’s shoulder and making a face when he was shoved away. “He’s only been gone a few weeks, Tony. Don’t be so clingy.” **  
**

“But it will be a few more weeks before he actually gets the letter, so by the time he reads it, he will have been gone two months, now won’t he?” Tony pushed Steve further away. “And I’m not… _clingy_. He  _asked_ me to write to him. Very nicely I might add. How could I say no?” 

“He asked you to–” Steve shook his head. “He  _asked_ you to write to him? Like you’re his girl or something?”

“I’m fairly certain Bucky knows I’m not a  _girl_.” Tony deadpanned. “But he asked me to be his fella, yeah. I have to admit, no one has ever asked me out quite like that before. It was… charming.” 

“Charming.” Steve sat back in the seat, thin arms folded. “And you said… yes. To being Bucky’s fella.” 

“Yeah, I did.” Tony signed the short letter with a quick flourish. “Have you ever had that guy ask you anything? One look at those baby blues and I’d give him a new car.” 

Tony paused, fully expecting Steve to laugh, but the blonde stayed silent. “Um, should I have asked you for you blessing first?” he asked curiously. “You’re sort of scowling at me like I’m sneaking around with your sister when she’s supposed to be at the convent.” 

“Am not.” Steve scrunched his nose in irritation. “I got no problem with it. You two wanna be together, then–””

“No, really, you’re looking at me like I’m trying to get under Sister Margaret’s habit.” Tony stuffed the letter into an envelope and turned back to Steve. “What’s going on with you? I thought you didn’t have a problem with me and Bucky?” 

“I don’t have a problem.” Steve insisted. “I was just– I was just wondering. Is it always that easy?”

“Is  _what_ always that easy?”

“What you and Bucky have!” Steve’s voice rose a little and Tony frowned at him in confusion. “You make it look so easy! Is it always like that? You know, you meet someone, think they’re real fine lookin’? Flirt a little, fall into bed and then you’re in love? Is it that easy?”

“Uh–” Tony cleared his throat. “Uh, Steve, Bucky and I aren’t–I mean, I don’t think we are–Um– I mean, yeah its worked out really well for us since we only knew each other a week, but I wouldn’t say we are–”

“Just don’t seem fair is all.” A disappointed shrug, Steve not even listening to Tony’s stammered speech. “Bucky don’t even like girls, has to hide who he is all the time cos people kinda hate people like him, and he  _still_ finds love before me?”

“Oh. That– that wasn’t what I was expecting you to say.” Tony looked a little closer at Steve, noting the tired lines around his eyes, the weariness in the sloop of his shoulder. “Steve, are you–”

“Will you help me talk to Agent Carter?” Steve interrupted. “She’s so pretty, and I like her alot and today’s going to be the first time I’m spending time with her alone, and I’m nervous about it. You have any advice?” 

“You want my advice on how to talk to Agent Carter.” Tony repeated, covering his mouth with his hand so Steve wouldn’t know he wanted to laugh. “What makes you think I know how to talk to girls? All you’ve seen is me flirt with Bucky and honestly, it hasn’t been that smooth. I know you think its been easy, but considering–” Tony closed his eyes briefly, thinking about how close to a mental breakdown he’d been the first few days. “Considering everything that has been going on, its fairly amazing anything happened at all between me and Bucky.”

“But you love him.” Steve said matter of factly. “So obviously something is right about you two.” 

“I–” Tony started to deny that he loved Bucky, but Steve looked so sure about it all, that the words sort of died on his tongue. “You’re right. There is something…  _right_ about Bucky and I.” 

“There’s something right about Agent Carter too.” Steve said wistfully. “I don’t know what it is, Tony. We’ve only talked a handful of times, but I want to know her. Can you help me with that?” 

“I think you’re doing just fine with her by yourself.” Tony patted his shoulder. “She likes you, Steve, trust me.” 

“I don’t mean to call you a liar, Tony, but–” Steve motioned down his body. “I need all the help I can get, and that means more than my friend reassuring me, you know?” 

“Alright.” Tony jumped to his feet and motioned for Steve to stand up too. “I’m going to give you the same advice my Honeybear–” a blank look, and Tony explained, “–my best friend. I’m going to give you the same advice my best friend gave me when I started dating.”

“Yeah?” Steve stood up slowly, wiping his hands down his slacks. “Was it good advice?”

“Um…” Tony pursed his lips. “Um, okay so the thing about my Honeybear is that he  _thinks_ he has great advice, and maybe it  _is_ great advice when you’re as good looking as he is, but for those of us that have to work at being cute–”

“You sweet on your… honeybear… too?”

“What?” Tony stopped in surprise and Steve raised his eyebrows in question. “Oh, because I called him good looking?” A quick shake of his head. “Uh no, not sweet on him. Don’t get me wrong, Rhodey is a snack but–”

“A  _what_?”

“I’m getting off topic.” Tony grinned and cleared his throat. “Alright, Steve, the first dating advice Rhodey ever gave me was exactly this:: Stand up straight,  _never_ ask how they are doing,  _always_ compliment their shoes.”

“Stand up straight.” Steve squared his shoulders, tilting his chin up. “Never ask how they are – Wait, why wouldn’t I ask how Agent Carter is doing? That’s just being polite, what’s wrong with that?” 

“Because  _you_ might think you are just asking how she’s doing.” Tony fussed with Steve’s tie. “But you come out sounding like a total Joey.”

“I don’t understand that reference.”

“Of course you don’t.” Tony backed up a few steps, folded his arms over his chest, looked Steve over from top to toe, and then smirked and asked, “How  _you_ doing?”

“Don’t do that.” Steve scowled at him. “That is  _awful_ , why would you say it like that? Why do you sound so…”

“Creepy?” Tony finished. “Yep, it sounds  _creepy_ , that’s why we don’t ask how she is doing. Instead, you could smile and ask how her day is going. It lets her know that you are interested in her activities, but also is a generic enough question that she can reply  _fine_ and leave without being rude. If she wants to keep talking to you, she can. If she doesn’t want to, she isn’t trapped into a conversation that she feels obligated to continue, you know?” 

“That’s fair.” Steve nodded thoughtfully. “So I ask her how her days is going, and then I compliment her shoes?”

“Yep.”

“Why her shoes?”

“Because if you’re going to check her out, you should at least say something nice and every woman likes to talk about her shoes.”

“Tony, I’m not going to check her–”

Tony just  _looked_ at him, and Steve sighed and looked away.

“Yep, that’s what I thought. Stand up straight, ask how her day is, say something nice about her shoes. Fool proof.”

“Yeah? It’s worked for you the first time?” Steve reached for his khaki shirt, buttoning it up before tucking his tie in. “Fool proof?”

“It worked like a champ.” Tony promised, running his fingers over the pleats in Steve’s hat before handing it over. “Right up until my date for the evening realized I was too young to buy her a drink, and then I struck out  _spectacularly_ , but you don’t have to worry about either of those things because you are old enough to buy Agent Carter a beer,  _and_ she already likes you.”

He leaned away to look over Steve’s outfit critically. “And after they give you this top secret serum, you’ll be a snack too so–”

“A  _snack_?”

“Yep.” Tony grinned and clapped a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “Everyone in the room will want to take a bite out of you.”

“….thanks?”

“You are very welcome.” 

**********************

**********************

“Remind me again why it was necessary for Mr. Carbonell to join us on our little expedition?” Peggy asked as she marched down the long hallway, Steve almost jogging to catch up, Tony trailing a step behind, fully content to smirk at the back of his friends head.

“Tony is one of my best friends.” Steve shot Tony a look over his shoulder. “And I thought I was allowed someone in there with me for support.”

“I thought you would bring a priest.” Peggy took a file from someone and signed her name quickly before handing it back, never missing a step. “Or your  _bookie_. Not my driver. I wasn’t even aware the two of you were friends.”

“Apparently best friends.” Tony said with a pleased grin. “And I am happy to pray over Steve if he needs it.” 

“I won’t need prayers, Tony, thank you. And also, I don’t gamble, ma’am.” Steve was quick to assure Peggy, and with another uncertain glance back at Tony, he added, “I like your shoes, ma’am.”

“I beg your pardon?” Peggy stopped so quickly that Tony almost smacked into her. “I must have misheard you?”

“No, ma’am.” Steve shook his head. “I simply noticed you had new shoes, thought to comment on them.”

“You are about to undergo an extremely experimental, entirely life altering procedure, and you wanted to take the time to talk about my  _shoes_?”

“I would also like to take the time to ask how your day is.” Steve straightened his lean frame, eyebrows raised invitingly. “Or if you had done anything interesting.”

Peggy narrowed her eyes at him, and Tony made an impressed noise when Steve didn’t so much as flinch, keeping the same open expression and easy smile.

“Well,” she began slowly. “I am very tense today as you can imagine, since my particular branch of the armed forces is responsible for everything that happens in the next few hours. I spent a short and yet rather informative drive sitting across from a the most stubborn soldier I’ve ever met–” her gaze met his meaningfully, and then flicked to Tony. “–and his consistently overdressed friend, so  _yes_ , you could say I’ve had an interesting day so far.”

“I see.” Steve cleared his throat. “And–and your shoes?”

“My shoes are new.” Peggy gave him a brief smile. “Very sweet of you to notice, also very  _surprising_ that you noticed.” 

“If I can be bold?” Steve cleared his throat. “I notice just about everything about you, Agent Carter.” 

“Oh.” Peggy’s eyes flickered, her hand going to her hair to adjust a curl that didn’t need to be adjusted at all, and Tony hid his smile. 

Seems like Aunt Peggy had developed that little nervous tic of hers  _decades_ before Tony picked up on it.

“Right, well gentlemen, we are going to be late if we dilly dally and longer. Shall we?” 

“Right. Right of course.” Steve started walking again when Peggy did, and when he looked back again, Tony shot him a thumbs up and an exaggerated wink.

Rhodey’s advice was fool proof. _Get ‘em Cap._

Bolstered by the positive response from Peggy, Steve was just opening his mouth to say something else that maybe slightly resembled flirting, but Peggy pushed through a huge set of double doors and suddenly they were in a lab big enough to even bring  _Tony_ to a surprised halt.

“Well I’ll be a son of a bit–”

“Ah- ah. Language Mr. Carbonell.” Peggy said at the same time Steve said, “Tony!  _Language_!”

Tony looked between the two of them with an amused smile, and Peggy tinged the slightest bit pink when Steve grinned at her. “Imagine that, I’m friends with  _two_ people who don’t approve of my language.”

“I wonder how many other things we have in common, Agent Carter.” Steve added, closing one blue eyes in a rather bold wink.

“Well then.” Peggy cleared her throat and touched her hair again. “They are waiting for you down below, Rogers. Mr. Carbonell, you are welcome to come down to the floor with us, but please maintain a respectful distance. It is very kind of you to accompany Mr. Rogers for emotional support, but I still can’t have you down on the floor and in the way, so say your goodbye now?” 

“Of course.” Tony stepped back and Steve moved with him, standing close enough that Tony could grab his hand. “Go on and meet your destiny, blondie. This is going be amazing.” 

“Thanks for coming with me.” Steve muttered, tightening his hold on Tony’s fingers. “Means a lot.” 

“Don’t even worry about it. I’ll be here when everything is over too, alright?” Over Steve’s head, Peggy was tapping her foot a little impatiently and Tony nodded that he saw. “You have to go though, here comes Dr. Erskine.”

“Um, Tony—“ Steve looked a little panicked, but he didn’t have time to finish his thought as Dr Erskine came up to shake his hand.

“I’m right here.” Tony mouthed and flashed Steve a double thumbs up. “You got it, Steve. You got it.”

“Um–” Steve kept looking back over his shoulder as Dr. Erskine led him onto the platform, and Tony was struck all over again by how vulnerable this Steve was, and how well he hid it behind that stubborn jaw.

“You got it.” he repeated quietly, and tried to smile, relieved when Steve finally smiled back at him.

“Sheesh, someone get that kid a sandwich.” Someone muttered behind Tony, and he turned around to snark back but stopped mid motion when he saw Steve climb up onto the table, looking paler, skinnier without his shirt, and the  _enormity_ of the situation hit him all at once.

Tony  _knew_ the serum worked of course, he knew that it was painful and that they had blacked out half of Brooklyn with the surge, and that Steve fell out of that chamber a shocking six foot two and two hundred plus pounds of All American beefcake.

Tony knew  _all_ of that.

But that knowledge didn’t stop him from leaning over the rail and watching closely, straining to see every emotion that crossed Steve’s face, the tiny twitches and the way his breathing picked up, fidgeting with his fingers, starting to bit at his bottom lip and then stopping himself.

_Captain America is scared to death._

“Can I go down there with him?” Tony blurted before he could stop himself. “Agent Carter, can I go down there with him? He shouldn’t be alone right now, look at him! He needs someone there with him!” 

“Mr. Carbonell, if they kicked me off the operating room floor, I have very little doubt they will demand you leave as well.” Peggy’s voice was regretful. “I wish i could stand next to him too, but this is something he has to do alone.” 

“Right.” Tony cursed under his breath. “ _Right_.” 

“It is good of you to want to be there for your friend, though.” she added after a few seconds. “How long have you two known each other?”

“…years.” Tony answered quietly. “I’ve known him for  _years_ but it’s only been the last little while that we’ve gotten closer.”

“You’re lucky to have each other.”

“…yeah.” he nodded slowly. “Yeah we are.”

********************

********************

“Are you comfortable?” Dr. Erskine asked, touching the straps around Steve’s midsection. “I’m afraid this is the tightest they go.”

Steve licked his lips before answering, “It’s a little big.” When Dr. Erskine laughed, Steve added, “Did you save me any of the schnapps?”

“Not as much as I should have.” the scientist patted his arm and chuckled again, and turned to start making a speech to the military personnel gathered in the room.

Steve tuned out most of it, the words only a buzz in his ears as he stared around at the bright lights and machinery that was powering up across from him.

Mr. Stark approached him, hooking leads up to his chest and Steve smiled a little thinking about how excited Bucky would have been to be meeting  _Howard Stark_  of all people, then frowned a few seconds later because he knew Bucky would hate this.

He would  _hate_ it.

Steve started trembling thinking about his best friend, his heart pounding as he thought first about how upset Bucky would be, and then how good it would be to go on to fight side by side with him. How good it would be to put on that uniform and run out side by side. It was all he wanted. All he had  _ever_ wanted and now it was so close he could almost–

Howard glanced up from all the dials and levers in front of him to lay a reassuring hand on Steve’s arm when his rising heart rate made the machine start beeping. “Don’t worry, soldier.” he said with an easy wink. “The doc told me you were at the Expo? I can promise that this all works much better than my flying car.”

“I uh– I thought your car worked pretty well.” Steve said lamely. “Sure seemed like it would be alright, maybe.” 

“Huh.” Howard went back to adjusting the levers or dials or  _whatever_ it all was. “You must have seen a different demonstration, because I’m pretty sure mine was terrible.” He smiled and Steve couldn’t help smiling back. “You have bigger things to worry about than flying cars though. I’d like to say this is all roses, but it’s going to give you a hell of a headache and probably growing pains so–”

“ _Growing pains_?”

“Uh yep.” Howard studied Steve for a minute. “I bet this little jolt in the ass will put almost a foot of height on you. More than a hundred pounds definitely. You’ll be able to catch the eye of whoever you want.” he cracked a grin that was so surprisingly  _familiar_ that all Steve could do was blink in surprise. “Mostly because you’ll be too big for them to ignore, huh? Huh?” 

“That was a terrible joke.” Steve laughed and Howard shrugged it off. 

“Yeah, I make jokes whenever I’m uncomfortable.” 

“I know other people who do that.” Steve squinted through the lights until he could make out Peggy standing straight and tall at the top of the stairs, and then he looked next to here to what was definitely Tony, fedora sat at a ridiculous angle, leaning over the railing and staring down at Steve.

 _Huh_.

“Ready?” Dr. Erskine was back, and Steve forced his eyes back to the doctor.

“Is it too late to go to the bathroom?”

“We’re ready.” Erskine smiled once more at Steve and then motioned to Mr. Stark. “Shall we?”

*******************

*******************

From the stories, Tony had thought it would take  _ages_.

Howard always talked about this part as if it had dragged on for days– the machines powering up, the brightening light, the way Steve screamed and then refused to let them shut it down even though everyone was scrambling to pull the plug. Howard shouting the percentages, Peggy with both hands over her mouth, the gathered generals and senators murmuring uncertainly. The heart stopping moment where everything hit a  _hundred_ and then started winding down, the pod opening with a hiss and Steve nearly falling out of it, staggering on his new legs and dragging in deep breaths.

Howard had always talked about it as if it had dragged on for days, but it was over in a matter of minutes, and Tony didn’t take his eyes off the pod once.

Everyone was talking, shouting in surprise and amazement when Steve straightened to his newly impressive height. Peggy pushed her way through the crowd to get up close and personal with Steve and Tony wanted to laugh when he saw her reach out to touch a more than defined pec, pulling her hand away at the last minute and touching her hair nervously.

Steve was grinning, staring down at himself, looking around at all the people he was suddenly towering over, finally looking up and meeting Tony’s eyes across the space.

Tony offered a wave and a little smile, hoping Steve’s vision hadn’t sharpened enough to see the sadness he couldn’t quite hide.

Howard had always talked about it as if it had dragged on for days, but it had been barely one breath to the next, and the Steve Tony had just barely gotten to know was was gone, Captain America standing in his place.

It all happened so much faster than Howard had said.

Everything else happened in record time, though.

Tony was just starting to walk down the stairs when the explosion rocked the lab and people started screaming.

Too caught up in the moment, Tony had forgotten about this, had forgotten about the HYDRA agent that had been in the same room. 

The bomb knocked threw him into the wall, and Tony was just getting to his feet again, palms scraped, nose bleeding, when gun shots sounded and the agent came running up the stairs past him. 

Tony reached out to stop him, grabbed onto the a trouser leg to try and slow him down, but a swift kick to his ribs had him rolling further down the stairs, wheezing and holding on to his sides.

Peggy and Steve went flying past him just like they were supposed to, Peggy with her gun already drawn, Steve stumbling over his feet as he tried to get used to his new height, and when he skittered to a stop to try and check on Tony, Tony only waved him on.

He was fine. He knew Steve had to get out the door and after that HYDRA agent because waiting even a  _minute_ would mean that Steve would be too late to swim after the submarine, and the man would escape, and it would ruin everything. 

History couldn’t stop, not even for Tony’s most likely broken ribs.

“Are you alright?” Tony’s eyes shot open wide when Howard leaned over to offer him a hand up. “That was quite a fall you took. You dead, dying or-”

“–bleeding.” Tony interrupted, pulling his hand from his nose to show Howard the blood. “No. Not dead or dying, but I am bleeding so–”

Howard stared at him in confusion, and Tony realized belatedly that he had finished his dad’s sentence, and that that was  _weird_.

“Ah, sorry. My dad always said the same thing to me.” Wow it was…  _different_ …to lie to his dad and not really be lying at all. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you.”

Time travel.  _Sheesh_.

“Civilian, huh?” Howard pulled Tony to his feet, trying not to jostle his ribs. “How did you manage to be invited to this sort of thing? This is supposed to be military brass and Capitol Hill employees only.”

“I’m Agent Carter’s driver.” Tony said blandly and Howard’s eyebrows shot up. “And um, Steve’s friend?” Another unimpressed look. “Also, I know a lot about this sort of thing.” he motioned around the room. “So. Several reasons to be here.”

“You know a lot about this sort of thing?” Howard repeated. “ _Really_? Because I built these machines by hand. The blueprints don’t even exist outside of my head. What exactly do you think you know about this sort of thing?” 

And there it was– that condescending, caustic tone that Howard had perfected by the time Tony was old enough to argue with him. A mocking, usually rhetorical question delivered with a cutting smile and a faux interested expression. 

Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, Tony wasn’t a ten year old kid looking for his dad’s approval anymore, so he stared Howard down for a long minute before cocking his head and turning to look over at the only machine still running in the nearly destroyed lab. 

All the needles in the displays were edging towards red as the huge server began to overheat, a terrible whining noise coming from the overworked fans as they ran non stop trying to force the machine to cool before things started melting or possibly exploding. 

“What do I know about this sort of thing?” Tony repeated and limped over to the machine, dropping to his knees and rolling onto his back before scooting underneath it. “You don’t mind if I fix this do you? Nah, you don’t mind.” 

“What the hell are you doing!” Howard cried. “That machine is worth more than your–” 

“Shush.” Tony held a finger out and crawled deeper beneath it, groaning as his ribs pulled. “Give me a sec. I’m not used to such low tech but I should be able to–” 

“LOW TECH! I’ll have you know–!” 

“ _Shush_!” Tony said louder, and with a little maneuvering, managed to separate the wires that were crossed beneath the baseboard, rerouting one of them into a different server, shocking himself terribly, but grinning when the machine finally fell silent, the fans slowing to a more manageable pace as the unit started regulating its own temperature again.

“How’s that?” A pained grunt as he stood back up and fixed Howard with a smug look. “Now at least that annoying noise isn’t happening anymore.”

“I–I–” Howard was speechless, and Tony was about as happy as he had ever been, finally getting a chance to show his father up. “Um, what did you say you did again?”

“Agent Carter’s driver.” Tony supplied. “But I dabble in mechanics too. More of a hobby than anything.” 

“Hm.” Howard narrowed his eyes and Tony straightened under the suspicious gaze, waiting for the accusations of spying in Howard’s work, of cutting corners, for there to be no way that Tony knew how to do that, so he must be cheating–

“Smart ass.” Howard finally said, and when Tony only blinked at him, Howard laughed. “I like it. Seems to me like your wasted driving Agent. Carter around but hey, I’d do it if it gave me a chance to be close to her too.”

“Uh–”

“Well, while they are tracking down Nazi’s–” Howard motioned out the door to where Peggy and Steve had chased the HYDRA agent. “And they are…mourning.” a flicker of sadness as he looked over to where Dr. Erskine was lying covered in a sheet. “I have machinery to fix. Do you want to help, or do you have something else going on?”

“Nope.” Tony shook his head, already rolling up his sleeves. “Let’s fix some things.”

“Yeah?” Howard grinned and Tony grinned right back, his heart aching a little seeing a smile that he had  _rarely_ seen growing up. “This isn’t too low tech for you?” 

“I’m sure I’ll manage.” 

“Well, grab a wrench, then.” 

*******************

*******************

That night, Tony found Steve standing on the balcony of his hotel room, staring out across the city with a forlorn expression, his arms folded tight across his chest.

“Steve.” Tony reached up–  _ugh_ , he hated that– to put a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I’m sorry about Dr. Erskine.”

Steve didn’t answer, and Tony joined him at the rail. “How are you feeling? Any weird side effects?”

“I had a headache for about three minutes.” he said shortly. “Legs hurt. Arms hurt from growing so much.” he dragged in a deep breath. “Ribs don’t hurt though. Feel like I can breathe for the first time in my life. Heartbeats steady. It’s nice.” 

“That’s…good.” Tony murmured, and fell silent, waiting for Steve to say whatever else was on his mind.

It took a full ten minutes of silence between them but Steve finally said, “They want me to go on tour with a USO show. Encourage people to buy bonds and volunteer for the cause and all that. Say that a big guy like me in a red white and blue outfit would be the perfect patriotic symbol.”

“Alright?”

“They gave me a promotion.” Steve continued. “ _Captain America_ they want to call me. Yesterday I was plain old Steve Rogers, now I’m a  _Captain_. Bucky would be so proud.” 

“Steve–”

“I’m supposed to be a  _soldier_ , Tony. I went through with this whole thing so I could go and fight Nazi’s, so I could save people, and now I’ll be the equivalent of a circus animal. Dressed up, trotted out, paraded around for money while pretty girls sing. It’s– it’s humiliating.”

“Steve–”

“I should have stayed home and collected scrap metal.” He said bitterly. “Would be making just as much of a difference huh? Dr. Erskine died for this, for  _me_ , and I can’t even live up to what he expected from me. He said I was special, said I was good, that the serum would amplify all of that but–”

“You  _are_ special, Steve.” Tony started helplessly. “I mean, you are–”

“Everything special about me came out of a test tube!” Steve shouted, and Tony backed up a step in surprise, his hand going to his chest as it started hurting, remembering another conversation between the two of them that had gone much the same way.

Except  _Tony_ had been saying those words, and had been too angry to register the hurt in Steve’s eyes– the hurt he could see so plainly right now.

“There’s nothing special about me.” Steve repeated. “Sure, I can lift a motorcycle now. I can run faster than most cars, I can– I mean, I caught a  _submarine_ Tony. Caught it and ripped the top off. Last week I couldn’t make it up the stairs to our apartment without coughing. Today, I jumped an eight foot fence without blinking. But it’s all the serum. And even  _with_ the serum I’m still someone that can’t go to war, someone who is being told he can’t fight, someone who isn’t good enough.”

“I’m not good enough, Tony.” He was whispering now, big shoulders slumped in resignation. “Even after all this. I’m  _still not good enough_.”

“I–” Tony didn’t know what to say, didn’t even know where to start. “Um, Steve–”

“How did you like Howard?” Steve changed the subject and Tony blinked a few times in surprise.

“He’s a prick.” he said slowly. “But brilliant. Probably a good guy to keep around. Why do you ask?” 

“I think Peggy likes him.” Steve made a fist, staring down at his hand. “They do this weird thing where they look at each other and don’t say anything and then smile and I don’t know what to do with that.”

“I’m fairly certain Peggy has no interest in Mr. Stark.” Tony denied instantly, shuddering over the thought of his aunt and his father hooking up. “I wouldn’t worry about that.”

“It doesn’t matter anyway.” Steve pushed away from the railing, moving back into his room. “She’s going to go off to war, and I’m going to head to a stage with a line of dancing girls. No sense pining over someone I can’t have.”

He slumped onto the bed, and after a few seconds of hesitation, Tony climbed right onto the bed next to him, close enough that their shoulders bumped.

“It won’t be all bad.” he said carefully and Steve closed his eyes with a muffled groan. “No, I’m serious.” Tony nudged him playfully. “I mean, with that new booty, you will look  _great_ in tights.”

A long, tense moment, and Steve finally started to smile, then he was chuckling and when Tony started grinning, it turned into full fledged laughter until both of them were gasping for breath wiping tears from their eyes.

“Tony– Tony this has been the craziest day of my life.” Steve admitted, reaching for a glass of water. “Who I was this morning and who I am now, everything that’s happened–”

“You’re the same person tonight that you were this morning.” Tony said firmly. “Just you know, taller.”

“So am I a  _snack_ now, Tony?”

“A whole damn  _meal_ , Captain America.” Tony shoved at him. “Just be careful, there’s a whole world of women out there who would love to experience that meal first hand.

“Oh good Christ, don’t call me Captain America.” Steve slid further down in the sheets, closing his eyes and yawning loudly. “That sounds awful. I hate that.” 

“I bet you’ll learn to like it.” Tony started to get off the bed. “And don’t think I didn’t notice that you didn’t comment on how terrible it will be to have all those pretty women trying to take a bite out of you. I’m on to you Rogers.”

“You don’t know anything, Tony.” 

“I know more than you think, Spangles. Like that your giant ass needs to sleep.” Tony flipped a few lights off. “I hear show business is a demanding life, all the make up and the glitter and the costumes and the–”

A pillow was winged at him and Tony  _acked_! as he went down beneath it.

“Oh shit!” Steve leapt from the bed and helped Tony back up. “Sorry about that, Tony, I forgot to check my strength. Still getting used to it all. Didn’t mean to flatten you like that.” 

“ _Captain America_.” Tony huffed and grabbed his hat off the ground. “You are setting a terrible example for children across the country by starting unprovoked pillow fights with civilians.  _Honestly_.”

“Sorry.” Completely unrepentant, Steve only grinned before flopping back on the bed. “Good night, Tony.”

“Good night, Steve.”

Tony closed the door and crossed the room to the one that had been provided for him by Steve’s new boss, Senator Brandt.

It hadn’t taken much convincing at all to encourage the Senator that Tony was Steve’s manager, the one to be handling his finances because the Senator wouldn’t  _dream_ of using Steve as an employee of the United States, putting him through all the physical strain of performing and traveling without cutting him a paycheck, wasn’t that right? Steve was patriotic, but  _no one_  was that patriotic.

The Senator had smiled a wonderfully fake smile, shaken Tony’s hand and proclaimed him part of the project and now here they were, set for a rehearsal by the end of the week, a first show by the end of next.

The Star Spangled Man with a Plan was about to take America by storm, inspire comics and cartoons and movies and all of that sort of thing, and Tony was going to be right next to him for it all.

Tony checked the date on the calender on the wall, his hand a bit unsteady as he touched the page.

Steve was Captain America now, which was the first big step to start everything else off. 

It was only a matter of time before they ended up over seas, performing for the 107th, finding Bucky,  _losing_ Bucky—

It was only a matter of time, and as Tony stretched out on the hotel bed, he stared up at the ceiling and started counting down the days until the end.


	9. Chapter 9

_Three months_

_******************_

Tony sat in the very back row of an empty theater, watching Steve fumble through his lines about war bonds, watching the rows of girls trip over their feet or not so subtly push each other out of the way to be closer to the man in the red white and blue outfit.

Tony couldn’t help his laughter, grateful that the music covered this round of it, because the  _first_ time Steve had stepped onto the stage in booty shorts and tights, Tony had laughed so loud that the music had stopped until he had managed to collect himself.

Steve had sent him a furious glare and when the Senator had whipped around and swiped his hand through the air in a  _cease_ motion, Tony had left the auditorium until he had gotten himself back under control.

Oh god, there Steve went with that cheesy grin and All American speech and one hand on his hip.

It was terrible. It was  _wonderful_. Tony loved it. Not only did Steve look unsurprisingly great in tights, but the spectacle kept Tony from thinking too much about how fast time was passing.

Three months it had been now, or not quite three but close to three, since he had fallen through that damn wormhole and landed in the trash in front of Bucky and Steve.

Close to three months since he had been stunned speechless by the scrappiest ninety four pound blonde he had ever met, and swept off his feet by one James Buchanan Barnes– and yes, he was fully admitting being swept off his feet these days, because the last letter Bucky had sent was sweet enough to make Tony blush and that was… that was something.

Anyway, close to three months now and Tony was more and more comfortable every day, picking up the lingo, adjusting his own speech so he didn’t sound so weird when he spoke.

The clothes,  _wow_ Tony loved the clothes, and the food took some getting used to but thanks to Steve’s new salary, they ate well anyway. Now that Steve didn’t have any allergies, he drank milk by the gallon and peanut butter sandwiches by the stack, and anything laced with sugar by the handful and had a fondness for Rocky Road ice cream that bordered on an obsession. More nights than not, Tony flopped onto the bed of whatever hotel they were staying it and split a Captain America sized serving of the ice cream with Steve as they talked about the day.

Three months in, and things were easy for Tony, easier than he thought it would be, easier than it should have been considering how badly he missed Pepper and how he kept wanting to pick up the phone and call Rhodey.

He hadn’t been lying when he told Steve he was at peace with staying here. He was settling into this new life, this new role of his, and other than an occasional twinge of regret, he was  _happy_.

Getting to be friends with Steve was… well surreal wasn’t even the right word for it. Watching him turn into Captain America was both hilarious and a little bitter sweet, but Tony took it day by day and tried not to be overwhelmed. 

And re-reading the letter from Bucky until it was creased and worn, all the while smiling like a damn fool– it hadn’t been very often in his life that Tony felt swept away by his feelings for someone. Even Pepper had been more safe and warm and  _good for him_  and not quite as blush inducing, and wet dream inspiring and  _whoo_ who knew Tony would be so easy for a Brooklyn accent and a killer smile? 

It still felt a little like cheating on Pepper, he supposed, thinking of himself as Bucky’s fella, but after three months it was starting to bother him less and as he drafted out another quick note to the soldier, all he could do was smile thinking about how happy Bucky would be to get it. 

On stage one of the girls high kicked and slipped and fell, and the noise dragged Tony out of his thoughts. He looked up just in time to see Steve stop practicing his line and bend over to help her up, smiling down at her the entire time. 

Tony’s eyebrows rose when the woman’s hand lingered entirely too long on Steve’s bicep, and his eyebrows all but flew off his face when Steve grinned and flexed beneath her fingers and she giggled. 

 _Well then_. Looked like Cap was settling in to this new life just fine as well.

_****************_

_Four Months_

_****************_

“Where you goin?” Tony paused halfway through Steve’s door, holding up the bowl of ice cream. “Captain America, are you standing me up for our date? Because that’s just rude.” 

“Wasn’t aware that ice cream in bed counted as a date, Tony.” Steve chuckled, smoothing his hands down the rather fitted long sleeve he was wearing before shoving a few dollars in his pocket. “Don’t wait up, huh?”

“Wait wait wait.” Tony set the ice cream down and followed Steve into the bathroom, watching him fix his hair in the mirror. “First of all, sharing a bowl of ice cream while in the same bed is very romantic, don’t take that away from me. And what do you mean, don’t wait up? Where are you going?”

“A couple of the girls are going out and I’m going to escort them.”

“You are escorting them?” Tony made an impressed noise. “That’s gentlemanly of you.”

“Right.” Steve dropped one eye in a wink. “ _Gentlemanly_.”

Tony straightened up against the doorjamb. “Steve. You…. you are being  _gentlemanly_ right? I mean you aren’t… you aren’t?” He cocked his head. “You aren’t  _sleeping_ with them, right? The women from the show?”

“Why do you say that like it’s an issue?” Steve frowned at him and ran some pomade through his hair. “Just having some fun, you know?”

“ _What_!” Tony couldn’t help how high pitched his voice got. “What about Peggy? Agent Carter? I thought you said something about her was right for you?”

“Something about her  _is_ right.” Steve agreed, pushing past Tony to get to his jacket. “But that was back when I thought I was going to be a soldier. Now that I’m just a performer, what’s the harm in mingling with the other performers, huh?”

“WHAT’S THE HARM!?” Tony was yelling now and couldn’t seem to make himself stop. “Steve! You shouldn’t be fraternizing with the women! Captain America stands for more than that! You stand for–”

“Nowhere on that poster–” Steve jabbed a finger at the new posters that had been delivered to be signed just earlier that afternoon. “–  _no where_  does it say that Captain America is supposed to be a paragon of virtue, Tony. I pretend to punch Nazi’s and con people into buying war bonds. No one cares what I do once the curtain falls!”

“ _I_  care!”

“Why’s that?” Steve took a big bite of the ice cream and sent Tony a disgruntled look. “Why do you care what I do? Half the time I’m with you anyway, why can’t I have a little fun while you’re busy day dreaming about Bucky? Are you the only one allowed to be with someone?” 

“Um–um–” Tony was at a complete loss, staring at Steve in shock. “I don’t know, Steve. I guess I assumed you were a good ol’ boy, you know? Not one to toy with a woman’s emotions? Not one to engage in casual sex, especially not with  _coworkers_? I mean what if one of them get’s pregnant?”

“Tony.” Steve rolled his eyes, took another bite of ice cream. “Condoms, you know? I’m being careful.”

“…I just thought you weren’t like that.” Tony said quietly, sitting on the bed slowly, completely floored by the idea of Captain America having casual, no string attached sex.

Peggy and Howard had always acted as if Steve was a virgin until the day he had gone in the ice, blushing and saying things like  _aw shucks_  whenever Peggy had so much as smiled at him, and Tony didn’t know what to think about Cap apparently being kind of a… horn dog.

“You’re upset with me?” Steve sat next to him, just tearing into the ice cream now and not bothering to hide it. “I wouldn’t think you’d care about something like that, Tony. You were falling into bed with Bucky after a few days, you were the one to tell me how to talk to girls. I’ve known most of these girls for weeks. Traveled with them, performed with them, held some of them in the air– what’s the problem? It’s not like we’re strangers.” 

Tony stayed silent, and Steve elbowed him teasingly. “I was a virgin because no one wanted to sleep with me, Tony, not because I wasn’t interested.”

“I guess that’s fair.” Tony finally smiled and picked up the other spoon to try and get a bite of the dessert before Steve ate it all. “Sorry for being so weird about it, I just didn’t really think about… that. Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Steve looked down at the rapidly disappearing ice cream. “Guess we got our ice cream date, anyway, huh?”

“Guess we did.” Tony agreed, and scooped the last bite. “Good ice cream date. I feel just like one of the girls.” Steve snorted a laugh and Tony added, “Even though, if you want me to wear one of those outfits so I  _look_ like one of the girls we will need to have a  _totally_ different discussion.”

“You won’t wear a short skirt and a sparkly top for me Tony?” Steve’s eyes sparked playfully. “Come on, I’d treat ya real nice, take a pretty girl out on the town, show you off a little.” 

“Uhh—” Tony pretended to think about it for a minute. “I might have been known to wear lacy underthings every once in a while but I’m pretty sure sequins give me a rash so–”

“WHAT!?” Steve shouted, and burst out laughing, unable to play that particular game when Tony looked so serious about it. “Tony! Come on! You haven’t worn…  _those_ … right? Not  _lady_ things, right? I was teasing about the skirt, but you haven’t really….?” 

“California is a crazy place, Cap.” Tony shoved at an immovable shoulder and hopped off the bed, dumping the bowl in the kitchenette sink as he headed to the door. “Have a good night out, I’ll see you in the morning?”

“Yeah, Tony.” Steve lifted a hand in a wave, and then– “Tony?”

“Yep?”

“What’s your favorite color?”

“My favorite color?” Tony repeated, and had to smother a laugh when Steve’s eyes dropped down to his pants, specifically his ass. “Oh you mean when I would wear  _lady_ things? Why Cap, how terribly forward of you.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want–” Steve started to backpedal, his hands up high in apology, face turning bright red. “I shouldn’t have even asked, I don’t why I even brought it up again. We were just teasing and–” 

“Steve.” Tony waited until Steve had stopped stammering. “Red.”

“Red?”

“Fire engine red. Hot rod red. Brick house red.  _Red_. That’s my favorite color.”  

“Right.” Steve cleared his throat and looked away. “Right.  _Red_.”

“Have a good night Cap.”

Tony laughed all the way down the hall to his own room. Steve might not be the good ol’ boy the stories made him out to be, but he sure did blush like a prude. 

_**************_

_Six Months_

_**************_

Tony had stayed up late reading the last letter from Bucky and trying to scribble out an answer to mail before they left  in the morning, so he was understandably cranky when he was unceremoniously shoved over in his bed when Steve climbed in some time after 2am.

“Steve, what the–”

“Move over.” Steve mumbled. “Bed hog.”

“This is my bed!” Tony cried and grabbed at the blankets as Steve tried to kick them off. “Steve, what the fuck–!”

“Language.” Steve admonished over a yawn. “And give me a pillow.”

“Oh my god.” Tony huffed and walloped Steve in the face with a pillow. “Don’t you have our own room?”

“Brandi’s in my bed.” Steve was nearly asleep already, a big arm thrown over his eyes. “And I didn’t want to sleep next to her so–”

“Why not?” Tony tried to get comfortable in a third of the space he had before Steve had taken over. “Isn’t that the whole point? Get a girl into your bed? Casual sexy times? Steven Grant, I swear to God if you don’t move the hell over–”

“She was drunk.” Steve interrupted. “So I put her to sleep in my bed but now I need a place to sleep and you’re my best friend and have this big bed–”

“ _BIG BED_?!”

“–SO YOU SHOULD SHARE!”

“Alright, I’m obviously going to lose this argument.” Tony groaned. “I can’t push you out of bed, and I’m sure as hell not going upstairs to sleep next to  _Brandi_ , so just a head’s up? I’m a cuddler. If you don’t want your personal space aggressively invaded, stay the hell over there.” 

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Steve said blandly, without moving a damn inch. “Good night Tony.” 

Tony kicked out at Steve’s foot again. “At least stay on your side of the bed, alright? You’re like a damn heater, stupid hot bodied super–”

“Did you just call me hot bodied, Tony?”

“It wasn’t a compliment.” Tony snipped, and rolled over on his side grumpily. “You’re buying breakfast tomorrow, alright? Interrupting my sleep like this.”

“I’ll buy you breakfast, honey.” Steve yawned again and promptly dropped off, while Tony’s brain slammed to a complete stop.

 _Honey_? That was… that was both new and confusing.

It got even more confusing about an hour later when Steve rolled over and wrapped both arms around Tony, bringing him right up against his chest and burying his nose in Tony’s hair.

“Uh… uh Steve? Cap?” Tony patted at Steve’s arm. “Hey big guy. You aren’t dreaming about  _Brandi_ , are you? Because this could get real awkward real fast if you don’t remember whose bed you’re in.” 

“ _Mmmph_.” An unintelligible noise. “ _Mmblergh_.”

Tony sighed. “Good talk. Alright. Just don’t roll over and squish me, huh?” Another indecipherable noise. “Cuddling with Captain America.” Tony muttered. “Who knew?”

*******************

“You were right about me.” Just as the sun was coming up, Steve spoke, tightening his arms briefly around Tony’s waist. “About just sleeping with the girls.”

“Was I?” Tony had hardly slept all night and managed to put an impressive amount of sarcasm into the two words. “How’s that?”

“I’m not the type of guy to just be with a girl like that. Like I’ve been doing. Would much rather be in love.”

“…yeah?” Tony frowned. “What brought this up?” 

“Being with them just makes me forget about how awful my life is, you know?”

 _Yikes_.

“Your life isn’t–” Tony started to protest. “Steve, your life isn’t awful, why would you say that?” 

“I’m wearing tights on stage, Tony. Reading a script about war bonds, pretending to knock out Hitler, lifting a motorcycle over my head while fire works go off. I’m supposed to be saving lives and fighting  _real_ Nazi’s out there alongside Bucky and all the other’s but instead I’m sleeping in fancy hotels and getting drunk with the girls–”

“Getting drunk?”

“ _Trying_ to get drunk. Just trying to forget that the woman I’m pretty sure I love is off being more of a man than I am.” Tony stayed quiet, and Steve jostled him. “I know you want to laugh at that Tony, it’s fine. I’m used to your sense of humour.”

“Not laughing, Steve.” Tony denied, keeping his voice soft. “Just a little surprised I guess.”

“That I love Peggy?”

“To be fair, you are snuggling me pretty tight to be pining over Agent Carter–”

“Yeah, I don’t really know how to explain this.” Steve chuckled a little but didn’t let go of Tony at all. “I’m just mixed up, Tony. I hate all this so much, I can’t even tell you. I hate the show, the costumes, how fake it all is. I hate that no one takes me seriously. Even if I ever get to be a soldier, no one’s going to believe in me. I’m always going to be the Star Spangled Man with a Plan and that is so depressing I could just–”

Steve was shaking now, and Tony threaded their fingers together without even thinking about it. “Is this what I’m going to be until the war’s over, Tony? And then what? I just go home, work in a factory when I’m supposed to be a super soldier? Marry a nice girl and hope I don’t break her in half if I squeeze too hard when I hug her? Tony, my life is–”  

“Hey hey hey.” Tony wiggled and squirmed until he could roll over and peer through the semi darkness to see Steve. “Don’t think like that. You won’t be doing this forever.”

“I might be.” Steve said bitterly. “I got my hands on some of Dr Erskine’s research. The super serum is supposed to give me an extended life span. I could live to be two hundred Tony. I’m going to live long enough to see Bucky die, to have to say good bye to you, to watch all the girls grow old and leave children behind. I could live through another five wars, I could live through–”

“Stop.” Tony clamped his hand over Steve’s mouth. “ _Stop_. What is going on with you? Why are you thinking this way?”

“I don’t know.” Steve pulled away to flop onto the pillows, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t  _know_ , Tony. All I can think about lately is how this serum was wasted on me. How I’m over here campaigning for war bonds, basically invincible, and men who can bleed and  _die_ are out there doing exactly that.  _Dying_. I can’t stop thinking about it, Tony. Can’t eat because I’m sick to my stomach half the time. Don’t want to do nothing but sleep but I can’t sleep without someone here so I end up sleeping with Brandi or Molly or Sasha or Bev or—“ s shaky sigh. “I don’t really want to be sleeping next to them, but I can’t sleep alone, so what am I supposed to do?” 

His voice trailed off, and he punched at a pillow in frustration. “I’d rather be pre serum Steve than be post serum and useless. That’s what they call me, do you know?  _Pre serum Stev_ e, as if before I got injected with all this I wasn’t even worth– wasn’t even worth–”

“Stop!” Tony jerked up in the bed, horror running through him at the obvious fragility of Steve’s mental state, the dark wash of  _depression_ in his words. “Steve. _No one_ thinks that you were worthless before the serum. No one thinks you are worthless now. It’s been six months.  _Six_. Things could change tomorrow, they could change next week– don’t do–” he hesitated. “- don’t do  _this_ because you’re having a bad day. One bad day doesn’t mean that–” 

“A bad day.” Steve repeated. “Tony, these last six months have been a  _nightmare_. Dressing up every day to reciting lines? Kissing babies and shaking hands? Spending time with the girls to keep myself distracted? It’s awful. The best part about this whole thing is eating ice cream with you at the end of the day, but then I gotta look in the mirror the next morning and know I’m making a mockery of Dr Erskine’s work, that I’m wasting away here? I was useless before the serum and apparently I’m useless after too.” 

_Steve. Tony closed his eyes against the heart break. He had known Steve was struggling, but he hadn’t known it was this bad, hadn’t known how much Steve was struggling and he felt guilty over it._

“I’m sorry that I haven’t been there for you.” He whispered. “I didn’t know you were feeling so bad.” 

“Yeah well, Bucky’s not here to force me to talk about my feelings.” Steve muttered in return. “And we already agreed that you and I are the worst at talking things out and the best at hiding them away until they explode. How were you supposed to know?” 

“We’ve sat on the same bed and eaten ice cream together almost every night for almost six months.” Tony pointed out. “I should have picked up on something.” 

“How I’m feeling isn’t your fault.” Steve shook his head stubbornly, and then added quieter, “But being around you helps with it all.” 

Tony didn’t say anything to that, but he lay back down and threaded their fingers together, lining their palms up and squeezing lightly until the tension started seeping from Steve’s body.

“How mad do you think they would be if I just ran away?” Steve said after a minute. “If I just didn’t show up tomorrow and jumped a ship and went to the front lines?”

“Well, I dunno how mad the Senator would be,” Tony shrugged carelessly, “but  _boy howdy_  can you imagine how pissed Bucky would be if you showed up all reckless and tall?”

“Reckless and tall?” Steve finally smiled and Tony breathed a sigh of relief. “Yeah. Yeah Buck would be mad.”

“Plus, he’d be mad at me too.” Tony continued. “I’ve been writing him letters and having to talk about what you and I are doing without mentioning the words  _super soldier_  and  _tall_ and _touring with the USO_. I am skating a VERY thin line between covering your All American ass and lying to my fella and I don’t really love it.”

“Your fella.” Steve smiled again. “Bucky would about combust if he heard you call him that. Those few days you two were together was about the happiest I ever saw him.”

“Jealous?” Tony mocked, and then wanted to kick himself. “I didn’t mean that, Steve, I have a terrible sense of humour. I’m not trying to make light of everything you just–”

“I am jealous.” Steve put his arm back over his eyes and Tony couldn’t read his expression. “Just not really sure what I’m jealous about.”

… _Oh_.

_****************_

_Eight Months_

_****************_

_Tony,_

_All is well on the front, or as well as it can be I suppose. Wet and cold, lonely as hell, but at least all the other men are in the same boat._

_Tell Steve I said hello, and please for the love of god, keep him out of trouble._

_James Buchanan Barnes_

Tony held the short letter in his hands for a minute before crossing the hotel room to the lamp and waving the paper over the light bulb, waiting for the additional letters to appear.

_Tony,_

_We are moving out today, and I don’t know where we are headed, so I hope this letter makes it out to you in time. I’ll miss getting one from you but as soon as I am back near the city I’ll write you again with a return address._

_I hope you and Stevie are gettin’ by alright. Tell him I miss him, tell him to stay outta trouble._

_I miss you, too, sugar. Different than how I miss Stevie. Always used to hear that absence makes the heart grow fonder and I never knew what that meant until now. Used to think it would be weird to call you my fella, but now when I think about you it makes perfect sense. Always sad we didn’t get more than a few days together, but when I get home we’ll spends days together, weeks together, I don’t even care how much time we have, I just want to spend it with you._

_Been dreaming about you lately, almost every night now it seems, bout your smile and your laugh and the way you look when I kiss ya. Damn Tony I can’t wait to kiss ya again. More than that too, can’t wait to do so much more than that. Not real good with words, specially not in a letter, but honey, I’m gonna treat you right when I get home, I promise._

_Sweet dreams, sweet thing. I’ll write you again soon._

_Yours,_

_Bucky._

“Is that from Bucky?”

Tony jumped when Steve walked through the door, and hastily folded the letter into his back pocket. “Uh yeah. Yeah. He says hi and that you need to stay out of trouble.”

“Right.” Steve laughed over that. “He still using invisible ink?”

“Yeah, just to be safe.” Tony cleared his throat awkwardly. “You know? Can’t have anyone opening it and reading this sort of thing.”

“What, is he writing you filth?” A frown, Steve wrinkling his nose at Tony. “Tony that seems inappropriate.”

“Inappropriate?” Tony tossed back. “You had Molly up against a wall with your hand up her–”

“ _TONY_!”

“Nope. Nope.” he waggled his finger at Steve. “No no, Captain America sir. You don’t get to call  _me_ inappropriate when you are out there carrying on like that. Bucky is writing me sweetly suggestive letters.  _You_ are groping show girls. I thought you weren’t gonna do that anymore.” 

“Make me sound like a creep when you say it like that.” Steve groused. “And we were just kissing, Tony. Can’t help her skirts so short. Not like I took her back to the room or anything, I haven’t done that in weeks. Plus, the way you complain, I’d think you were  _jealous_.”

“When it comes to the ladies, I prefer redheads.” Tony snarked, and it was then, with a sudden pang, he realized that it was the first time he had thought about one particular redhead in  _weeks_.

 _Pepper_. 

It didn’t hurt as bad to think about her as it used to and Tony sort of hated that. 

“Anyway.” Steve lounged back into the couch cushions when Tony didn’t say anything else. “We are heading out in the morning, North Carolina this time. You ever been?” 

“I can’t say I have.” Tony poured himself a drink, the first he had had in several months. Steve didn’t see the point in drinking very often if he couldn’t get drunk, and Tony didn’t crave it like he used to, but the realization that he didn’t miss Pepper anymore made him  _ache_ , and alcohol was a sure way to take care that. 

“You going to go paint the town red before we leave?” he forced a note of levity into his voice. “Take the girls out and cause some trouble? Even if you don’t being any of them back to the hotel, they’ll need as escort right? And Captain America with his Arms of Justice is a perfect escort.” 

“Thanks for that.” Steve grinned, and then wet his lips a little nervously. “Actually, I thought I would stay in.” a pause. “With  _you_ , if you wanted.”

“Yeah? Want to play a game or something? We could go get a drink?” Tony drained his glass in one go. “Or catch a film? What did you want to do?” 

“We could just stay in.” Steve relaxed further, stretching his arm out over the back of the in a clear invitation. “Yeah?”

 _Oh_.

_Oh shit._

“Steve–” Tony blew out a deep breath. “Steve, look–” 

“I know you’re Bucky’s fella.” Steve interrupted. “But I’d still rather spend the night sitting close to you than sitting close to one’a the girls.”

“Since  _when_?”

“I dunno.” Steve’s cheeks tinged pink. “Something I’ve been thinking about lately. Never mind. Forget I said anything.”

 _Right, because_ that  _was going to happen._

“Listen,” Steve continued. “I’ve been thinking about some of the stuff we talked about and I don’t want to waste time with the girls anymore. I’ve been trying to find Agent Carter’s address for a few weeks now, and I finally got it so I thought I’d sit and write to her like you do to Bucky, you know? Maybe she and I could be something real when this is all said and done and if I want that, I should start trying now, right?” 

“Sure.” Relieved that Steve hadn’t suggested what Tony thought he was suggesting, and dying of curiosity over what Steve had been thinking about lately, Tony asked, “So you want to stay in and write a letter to Peggy? I feel like you don’t need me for that.” 

“I thought maybe you could help me write it.” Steve suggested. “Like you helped me talk to her?” 

“Oh. Yeah I can help you with that, no problem.” Tony grabbed a notebook and plopped onto the couch next to Steve. “We can do that. Tell you what, you tell me what you want to say, and I will translate it into something smooth.”

“I can be smooth!”

“Like a bulldozer.”

“HEY!”

“Spangles, do you want my help or not?”

“ _Spangles_?”

“It’s either that or I call you Stars and Gripes. Take your pick.”

“You could just call me my name.” Steve reached over and slid his hand through Tony’s, lining their palms and fingertips up. “Right?”

“Yep.” Tony looked down at their linked hands. “Yep, I sure could. But Spangles is much better.”

Steve only smiled, and squeezed Tony’s hand the slightest bit as they started tossing around ideas for his letter.

This was  _much_ better than going out with the girls again.

_******************_

_Eleven Months_

_******************_

“They want to send me overseas.” Steve mumbled from the bed, and Tony glanced up from scribbling a letter to Bucky at his desk. “To visit the troops. How am I supposed to visit the troops dressed like this, asking them if they want to help me sock ol’ Adolf on the jaw? They are out there fighting Nazi’s and I’m going to dance in front of them singing about war bonds.”

“I’m sure you will dazzle them.”

“ _I’m_  sure they’ll throw fruit at me.”

“I’m pretty sure of that too.” Tony grinned and Steve groaned out loud at him as he shoveled yet another bite of ice cream into his mouth. “I’m  _also_ sure that if you don’t stop inhaling ice cream you won’t fit into that little romper of yours and that would be a damn shame.”

“Why do you do that?” Steve asked around a bite.

“You’ll have to be more specific.” Tony signed the letter with a flourish. “I’ve heard I have just a lists of undesirable qualities so–”

“That’s not true, who tells you that?”

“–literally everyone. So you will have to specify exactly what it is that I do?” Tony put the letter with the other outgoing mail and turned back to Steve. “Hm?”

“Why do you say things about my outfit like you’re flirting with me, when you  _aren’t_ flirting with me?” Steve clarified. “How you talk about me when I wear tights, or spandex or–”

“Who says I’m not flirting with you?” Tony climbed onto the bed next to Steve and took the ice cream from him. “I could be flirting with you.”

“You’re Bucky’s fella, though.”

“Yeah, yeah I am. But we can be friends like this–” Tony budged closer so their thighs brushed. “And I can be Bucky’s fella and you can be sweet on Agent Carter and it’s fine. This is how me and my Honeybear always were. Nearly sitting on each other, sharing our food, flirting and teasing– it never was more than that. Not every comment has to mean something, Steve. Just like holding hands or kissing doesn’t have to mean anything either. But you should know that-” another bite. “–since you gave me the same song and dance when you started slutting your way through–”

“TONY!”

“Oh don’t act horrified Rogers, we’ve been friends for almost a year now, you aren’t shocked by anything I say. You know damn well–”

“So this is alright between us?” Steve hooked his arm around Tony’s waist. “And I can sleep here again?” 

“You’re asking me if you can sleep in my bed after like, six months of just bullying your way in and stealing my pillows?” Tony rolled his eyes. “Yes, yes its fine. It doesn’t have to mean anything, Steve. Sometimes you just want to be close to someone, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Steve’s blue eyes lingered over Tony’s profile, and he shifted closer on the bed. “Yeah, Tony, sometimes I just want to be close to someone.” 

“It’s not a big deal.” Tony picked up a book and settled a little tighter against Steve’s shoulder. “Plus, its freezing outside and you are like a personal heater, so just for tonight, I don’t think I’ll complain.” 

“Alright, then.” Steve didn’t look away. “Um Tony–” 

“You keep staring at me like that and I’m going to think I have something wrong with my face.” Tony elbowed him. “Cut it out.” 

“Tony–” 

“Steve.” Tony shook his head. “Don’t think too hard about this. I don’t want to be responsible for your big gay crisis, so lets just–” 

“My  _what_?!” 

“I didn’t stutter.” Tony was laughing now. “You heard me. If you need to figure something out, you need to not figure it out with me.”

“I was going to ask if you missed California.” Steve insisted, tucking away the other thing he wanted to ask for another time. “I was going to ask if you still think you want to stick around, especially if we are going over seas. It’s been almost a year since you left California and if you were going to go back, now would be the time. Do you miss it at all?” 

“…no.” Tony waited for the tears, for the ache in his chest that came on when he thought about  _home_ , but nothing happened. “No.” he said again, a little quieter, a little sadder. “I don’t miss it.” 

_**********_

_Azzano_

_**********_

“Tony!” Steve came running into the tent, scrambling for a sturdier pair of boots and Tony watched him with an odd sort of detachment. “Tony, this is the 107th. They said that most of the unit didn’t come home, and I’m going to fly over with Agent Carter and save the rest. I have to go, I can’t just sit here and–”

“I know.” Tony said calmly. “I know. I’ll see you when you bring those boys back, huh?”

“Why are you so calm?” Steve’s eyes were wild as he laced up his boots as fast as he could. “Tony, Bucky is over there. He was captured and I don’t even know if he’s alive. Why aren’t you  _scared_?”

“Because I have all the faith in the world that Captain America will make it back home.” Tony told him, and it wasn’t a lie. He knew damn well Steve would make it over the lines and back again with Bucky at his side.

Tony had known it when they arrived in Azzano that morning and set the stage up. He had watched the soldiers, the weariness on their face, the hopelessness in their posture. He had seen the fruit thrown, had watched Peggy telling Steve what had happened to the rest of the 107th—

He  _knew_ this part of the story.

“You’ll be fine.” Tony pushed away all his anxiety, all the nervousness, all the  _knowing_ that this was just another step closer to the end, that this mission and the forming of the Howling Commandos would be the starting point of everything  _else_.

“Bring Bucky back for me.” Tony forced a smile to his face. “Alright?”

“I will.” Steve jammed his helmet on his head and picked up that ridiculous fake shield. “See you soon, Tony. Don’t wait up for me.”

“Don’t be late then.” Tony saluted him playfully, and Steve sent him a wink and a smile before jogging away again.

He knew Steve would come back just fine, the men safe and sound, but it didn’t mean that Tony wasn’t worried.

This moment, more than all the others, was feeling like the beginning of the end.


	10. Chapter 10

Steve put a beer down in front of Bucky and sat on the stool next to him, smiling a little self consciously when Bucky kept staring wide eyed at him. **  
**

“You’re looking at me like you’ve never seen me before.” he joked and shoved at Bucky’s shoulder. “Stop that.”

“Well  _gee_ , Stevie, I wonder why I’m doing it.” Bucky retorted, never taking his eyes off Steve. “I mean,  _what the fuck_ , I go off to war and you’re one size and then you show up behind enemy lines, which is a whole  _other_ problem, and you’re– you’re–” Bucky made a vague motion over Steve’s body. “Tall? And you know… tall. What the  _hell_ Stevie.”

He finally grabbed the beer, draining it almost in one go and wiping his mouth before adding, “And that’s not even mentioning that you have super strength or something? You leap around like a goddamn rabbit? And what’s with the costume? You look like you belong dancing on a stage! And why do ya talk all proper now? Talkin’ like you went to college.” 

“Well.” Steve chewed at his lips for a minute. “You’re not wrong about the whole stage thing, and they uh– I guess my Brooklyn speech had to be phased out a little bit for the show so–”

Bucky’s mouth fell open, and then he started shaking his head. “I don’t even know how you’re going to explain all this, but you better  _start_ explaining. Sick an’ tired of leaving you alone for a little bit’a time and you go and do the most reckless thing you can think of!”

“It wasn’t  _that_ reckless.” Steve began lamely. “I mean, there was science involved and doctors and–”

“Stop.” Bucky put his hand up. “ _Don’t_. I’ve heard all sorta excuses from you over the years, but this is just–”

“And you weren’t gone for a _little bit of time_!” Steve continued, raising his voice. “You’ve been gone almost a year Buck, and you could have died behind enemy lines! What if you would have never come home?”

“At least I could’a looked down from heaven and seen  _normal_ Steve, not this– this–” Bucky squinted at him. “Are you taller than  _me_ now?”

“Six foot, two inches.” Steve said proudly and Bucky rolled his eyes. “It is  _crazy_ to be this tall. How do you do it all the time?”

“What the fuck.” Bucky groaned for about the hundredth time since Azzano. “Damn it, Steve.” 

“Buck.” Steve pushed Bucky almost hard enough to send him off the stool. “Maybe you  _stop_ yelling at me and just talk to me, because I still can’t believe I found you alive. I could have lost you, Bucky, lost my best friend and that– that–” he blew out a deep breath. “Colonel Phillips had already addressed the letter home to tell your ma that you were gone. You think I could have handled that? Think I could have gone home and seen your ma and sisters and been alright?” 

“Damn.” Bucky motioned to the bar tender for another beer, looking much more troubled than he had just a few seconds ago. “Damn. I dunno what to say to that. I didn’t really think about my ma finding out.”

“Did they hurt you?” Steve asked softly, and Bucky’s hands tightened around his mug. “I mean, I found you all strapped down and you were so confused. Saying your id number and all. Did they hurt you?”

“Stevie.” Bucky’s face went very pale, a tremble starting in his left hand. “I can’t talk about it.”

“But–”

“Let it go.”

“Bucky–!”

“ _Let it go_!” He snapped, banging his fist on the table loud enough to make Steve jump, muttering an apology and looking away. 

“Damn it.” Bucky put his head down on the bar and dragged in a harsh breath. “Damn it, I’m sorry but just don’t– don’t. I can’t talk about it.”

“Tell me something, then.” Steve put his hand on Bucky’s knee under the bar, long enough for Bucky to to squeeze his hand back. “Just tell me one thing, and I’ll never ask again.”

Bucky swallowed hard but nodded.

“When I found you, I thought you were dead.” Steve whispered. “Bucky were you–I mean, you’re not– you didn’t–”

“I think I did.” Bucky mumbled. “I think they killed me. At least once, maybe more, I don’t know. I don’t know Stevie. I blacked out a lot. Don’t know what they did to me, but Stevie I–I–” he gripped Steve’s hand harder. “I think when you found me I wasn’t all the way back yet. Feels like there’s something hanging around me. Noise in my head maybe, something at the edges. I’m cold, feel like I’m shaking all the time. I hate it. Can’t get rid of it. Don’t know how to make it stop.” 

“Damn it, Buck.” Steve had to force the words past the lump in his throat. “You back all the way now? All the–the noise and all that aside. Are you back with me? Huh?”

“Back enough to consider kicking your ass.” Bucky threatened, but there was no heat in the words.“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, ya understand? I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Yeah. Yeah, I understand.”

“Stevie, I’m serious. All those times I told ya to open up or you’d explode? You don’t get to use that against me with this. You need to leave it be.” 

“I got it, Bucky.” Steve promised, something curling tight and  _painful_ around his chest thinking about what Bucky had been through, thinking about the darkness still lurking around his friend. 

They were quiet for a minute and Bucky sniffed before changing the subject to ask, “So what, you asked those idiots over there to be part of your new super squad?”

“Yep.” Steve patted at Bucky’s thigh once more before pulling away. “I’m a Captain now, haven’t you heard? Captain needs a troop.”

“Right.” Bucky snorted. “A captain. If you think I’m saluting ya, ya got another thing comin’. Not salutin’ your punk ass.”

“I don’t expect any of these soldiers to salute me.” Steve waved him off with an annoyed expression, and then added, “But you’re coming along too, right? Joining my super squad? Ready to follow Captain America into the jaws of death? I don’t want to do this without you, Buck.”

“Hell no.” Bucky took the new beer and started sipping at it. “I’m not following Captain America. But that kid from Brooklyn who never knew when to keep his mouth shut? I’d follow him anywhere, ya hear? End of the line, Stevie. Just like we always said.” 

“End of the line.” Steve repeated. “That’s right, Buck. But you’re not gone anymore, so the end of the line isn’t gonna be anytime soon.” 

“You got that right.” Bucky finished his drink and wiped at his mouth. “Can you- can you tell me about Tony? How he’s doing?” 

“Tony?” Steve feigned casualness, folding his arms and shrugging. “Now why would you want to hear about him?”

“Steve.” Bucky muttered with an embarrassed smile and a dull flush. “Come on. You said he’s been around. Is he traveling with you? Is he back in the city? Been over a month since I heard from him at all and—“

“And?” Steve waggled his eyebrows, relieved to see Bucky smiling again. “And what?”

“You gonna make me beg for this?” Bucky scoffed. “After all the time I tried to set you up with pretty dames, and all the times I said good things ‘bout ya and all the–”

“And all the times you ended up with the girls fawning over you and leaving me behind?” Steve finished. “Yeah, I definitely remember all of that.”

“Damn Stevie, don’t gotta hold a grudge.” Bucky was trying not to laugh but Steve looked positively gleeful at finally having a reason to tease him about something romantic. “Just tell me. I just want to know how he is. That’s all. Does he– does he miss me?”

“Didn’t you two write letters talking about that sort of–”

“STEVE!”

“Bucky–!” Steve started laughing. “I’m not gonna tell you all that sweet sappy shit that Tony says about you! Not at all!” 

“God dammit, Steve–”

Whistles broke out over the bar, cutting into their argument, and both Steve and Bucky swiveled to see who was causing the commotion, and even Bucky’s mouth fell open when they caught sight of Peggy walking through the door in an unbelievable dress.

“What a dame.” Bucky breathed. “Is that Agent Carter? Who knew she looked like that under her uniform?”

“Uh-Uh-Uh—“ Steve couldn’t have formed a word, much less a sentence, if his life depended on it. “I–I–I–”

“Good to know that serum didn’t change everything about you.” Bucky snorted and flashed a winning smile at Peggy as she approached them. “You might be tall but you’re still a dumbass.”

“Um—”

“Captain Rogers.” Peggy said cooly and Bucky elbowed Steve sharply so he would stop staring and actually reply.

“Um, Agent Carter. Hello. Good evening. How are you– um–ow!” he jumped when Bucky elbowed him again. “Agent Carter.” he tried again. “Hello.”

“If you can drag yourself away from this party–” a dismissive glance at the rest of the men singing bawdily in the background. “Howard has some equipment he would like you to try out, but perhaps we should save it for the morning?”

“I can be there in the morning.” Steve blurted and Bucky tried and failed to hide a smirk. “Will you be there as well?”

“I’m sure I’ll be around.” Peggy agreed non committedly, looking around the bar again. “Tell me, this is how your top squad prepares for duty?”  

“What?” Bucky frowned at her, not sure how he felt about the cold mannered woman. “You don’t like music?”

“Oh I do.” Peggy assured him, and with a pointed look that had Steve nearly wheezing, she added, “And after all this, I might even find the time to go dancing. I do love to dance.”

“Who needs to wait?” Bucky elbowed Steve again to prompt him. “I mean, what’s wrong with dancing right now?”

“I suppose I’m waiting for the right partner.” Peggy never took her eyes off of Steve as she spoke, and Bucky ran a hand over his face in disbelief when Steve only stammered something vague about dancing as well.

“Stevie.” he muttered. “For the love of god ask her to–”

“Agent Carter.” A new voice interrupted their conversation and it was Bucky’s turn to freeze, turning slowly to look at the newcomer. “I have to say London  _agrees_ with you.”

“Stevie–” Bucky sounded like he might be choking. “What–” 

“Oh, did I not mention Tony was in London?” Steve kept blinking at Peggy even as he gave Bucky grief. “Must have slipped my mind.” 

“You punk.” 

“ _Jerk_.” 

“Mr. Carbonell.” Peggy finally broke her staring contest with Steve, raising an eyebrow at their whispered conversation, to turn and smile at Tony. “How nice of you to join us. I would say London agrees with you, but I feel as if you always dress this way–” a glance down Tony’s always neatly pressed clothes, what was obviously a new shirt, his hair slicked back. “– so I suppose I won’t waste the words.”

“Tell me, Agent Carter.” Tony returned the look, raising his eyebrows as he took in the red dress, a little uncomfortable with having to see first hand how hot his Aunt had been in her twenties. “What battle are you so armored for?”

“ _Armor_?” Steve whispered and Bucky shrugged in confusion.

“No battle in particular.” Peggy replied, touching her hair nervously. “How does the evening find you?”

“Very,  _very_ well.” Tony tipped his head up, meeting Bucky’s eyes steadily. “And yours?”

“Looking for a dance partner.” She cleared her throat meaningfully, and Tony’s eyes flew up towards his forehead. “But since none have offered–”

“Would you like to take a walk, Agent Carter?” Steve finally blurted, and usually Bucky would have made a smart comment, but he was too busy staring at Tony to say anything at all.

“Why Captain Rogers.” Peggy touched her hair again and Tony tried not to smirk. “I  _could_ use an escort back to my hotel, if you were walking that particular way?”

“Absolutely.” Steve pushed Bucky right out of the way in his hurry to offer his arm to Peggy. “I am absolutely walking that particular way.”

“What a fortunate coincidence, how very kind of you to offer.” Peggy murmured, and let Steve walk her to the door, leaving Tony and Bucky standing across from each other by the bar.

“All that practice with those USO girls and he’s still a goofy gooberson when it comes to Agent Carter.” Tony shook his head dramatically. “What a shame.”

“Tony.” Bucky’s voice was careful,  _fragile_. “Hi.”

“Well heya Buck.” Tony cleared his throat and took a step closer so they weren’t talking across so much distance. “How does it feel to be back in Allied territory?”

“What are you– what are you doing here?” Bucky looked around them to make sure no one was listening, crossing his arms as if to keep himself from reaching out. “How are you in London? Why are you here? I don’t understand how you got here from Brooklyn?”

“I uh– I hired myself as Steve’s stage manager.” Tony offered. “Has he talked to you about the show? Yeah? Anyway, I decided I was his manager and now I get paid to travel around with him, and when he was sent overseas I came along and–”

“You came along?” Bucky’s eyebrows rose. “To Europe? Were you– were you with him in Azzano?”

“I was.” Tony hesitated when Bucky started looking upset. “And I didn’t come to you then because Steve said you might need some time, that you were captured and I didn’t want to impose or make you feel ill at ease of–”

“You wouldn’t have imposin’, Tony.” Bucky said hoarsely, a little desperately. “I would have  _loved_ to see you. Would’a made all those questions they asked me a lot easier if I knew you were waitin’ outside for me.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there then.” Tony folded his arms too, mirroring Bucky’s posture. “Look, Bucky there is just…. Just lots of things we need to talk about, the least of which being how I ended up here but I’d much rather talk about–”

“You busy tonight? Got somewhere important to be or papers to fill out or–?” Bucky spread his hands uncertainly. “Something to do with managing Steve’s show or–?”

“No. Since Steve sort of went off the rails and decided to play real soldier and not stage-soldier the USO show is on hold and I don’t know if Captain America’s manager is a real thing in war so as of right now I’m probably jobless.” Tony joked, but when Bucky just looked at him, he added, “And I’m definitely free tonight.” 

“You wanna go for a walk, sugar?”

“Yep. Yep I do.”

*************************

*************************

“So all those times I said to make sure you were takin’ care’a Stevie, and you promised me you were–” Bucky pushed at Tony’s hip lightly, just enough to help him side track a puddle. “– you couldn’t have mentioned that you were takin’ care’a him by making sure his uniform was pressed and he had champagne waiting in his hotel room after a show?”

“What do you think managers do, Buck?” Tony grinned up at him. “No, I wasn’t  _pressing his uniform_. I was telling someone else to do it. And I wasn’t putting champagne in his room. Tall bastard can’t get drunk any more anyway. More like stocking it with his favorite ice cream–”

“– he can eat ice cream now?”

“– by the truckful. Plus, I was making sure the good ol’ American government actually paid him instead of playing on his patriotism and letting him do it all for free. That’s important.”

“He’s getting  _paid_? To wear  _tights_?”

“It is  _shocking_ how much they are paying him to wear tights.” Tony turned a corner, heading back towards the hotel they had put him up in. “And uh, I had all of our mail from the apartment saved so every time we were back in New York I could pick it up. Been storing it all in a bank account for you, been putting Steve’s in another one– you guys will be set once the war is over.”

“Damn, Tony.” Bucky gave a bewildered little laugh. “You just got this all figured out, don’t ya? Managed not to mention any’a this in your letters.”

“Sorry about that.” Tony winced. “I hope you don’t feel like I was lying to you. Steve asked me to keep it a secret–”

“–because he didn’t want me being mad about him being a damn fool and running off like this?”

“That  _and_ he said he wanted to be able to tell you when he was standing in front of you as a soldier.” Tony finished. “He wanted to prove he could do it without your help. Something about how you’ve always helped him with everything, he wanted to do this by himself.”

“But he  _didn’t_ do it by himself.” Bucky pointed out uncertainly. “You were there through everything. Helping with boot camp and the serum, and all the after stuff. Been with him for a whole year traveling together and staying together and–”

“And what, soldier?” Tony stopped beneath a street light, squinting up at Bucky. “And  _what_?”

“And I dunno.” Bucky finished quietly. “I haven’t heard from ya in almost two months now, and your last letter was real short and I thought maybe you and Stevie– maybe you two got sweet on each other.”

“I’m not sweet on Steve.” Tony was trying not to smile, not wanting Bucky to feel like he was laughing at him. “We’ve gotten closer, yeah, but Steve’s been busy getting really well acquainted with the girls from his troop.  _Really_ well.” he emphasized when Bucky looked like he didn’t believe him. “Trust me. Steve and I aren’t– nope. Nope.”

“Well then, why ya standin’ so far away from me?” Bucky whispered. “Huh? It’s dark out here and no one knows us and I’m just  _achin_ ’ to kiss ya, Tony.”

“It’s–” Tony wet his lips nervously. “It’s just– it’s one thing to write like we did, right? Say sweet things and talk about seeing each other again. But actually being face to face–”

“You didn’t mean what you wrote?”  _God_ , Bucky’s eyes went wide and  _hurt_ , and Tony felt it like a punch to the gut. “Tony why would you lie to me like that? Your letters were all I had to keep me going and now you’re saying–”

“I’m not saying that.” Tony put a hand over Bucky’s mouth to shut him up. “I’m not saying  _anything_ like that. I’m trying to say, that when I was writing you it all felt very real and now that I’m seeing you again it feels unreal. I knew I would see you again, especially once we got to Azzano but it’s still– weird. It’s been so long between us and I don’t really know how to deal with all of the changes and distance and time and–”

“It doesn’t seem all that long to me.” Bucky interrupted. “What’s a year, Tony? It’s barely nothing, ‘specially when we’ve been writing. Feels like I just saw you yesterday.”

“Does it feel like yesterday?” Tony ran his fingers through his hair and closed his eyes. “It seems a hell of a lot longer to me.”

“Yeah?” Bucky started backing up, pulling Tony into a side alley, one with no lights and no outward facing windows. “Why don’t I see if I can remind ya of how it was between us then, huh?”

******************

******************

“ _Tony_.” Barely audible into Tony’s ear, Bucky’s breath hot against his skin and Tony couldn’t stop the shiver down his spine when a big hand landed at his waist, the other carding through his hair lightly.

“Tony, honey, I’ve missed you so much.” A feather light kiss on his jaw, a nose dragging down his neck and breathing in deep, the fingers in his hair tightening until Tony gasped and dropped his head back against the wall and Bucky could seal his lips over his pulse. “Been dreaming about this, dreaming bout  _you_ damn near every night now.”

“ _Babydoll_.” The word was rough, packed full of longing and Tony gripped at Bucky’s biceps in anticipation of a kiss, pursing his lips and closing his eyes.

Bucky groaned unintelligible before crushing their mouths together, thumbing over Tony’s bottom lip so he would open for him, shoving their tongues together and stealing both Tony’s breath and his ability to think in one fell swoop.

Bucky pushed Tony further into the wall, wrapping his arm around him to keep him close, sucking at his tongue and nibbling along his lips, swallowing every little noise Tony made, all the gasps and moans, thrilling to his  _core_ when Tony threw both arms around his neck and kissed him right back.

“Shit, I’ve missed you.” Tony started yanking at Bucky’s jacket, pushing it down off his shoulders. “I’ve missed you, so glad you’re back and  _safe_ and–”

“Shhh, we don’t need words right now.” Bucky grinned but ripped Tony’s shirt out from his waist band and thrust both hands beneath it so he could touch skin, skipping over Tony’s ribs and rubbing at his soft stomach, slipping around to palm at his ass,  _hmmming_ encouragingly when Tony stood on his toes and kissed him even harder.

“You’re only saying that cause the last time I talked while we were kissing–” Tony left a sharp bite on Bucky’s neck and laughed over the unsexy and yet somehow appealing squeak Bucky made. “–you tried to shove your tongue in my mouth and it was embarrassing.”

“Gonna use my tongue on you whether your mouth is open or not.” Bucky threatened and it was Tony’s turn to squeak, knowing exactly what Bucky meant by  _that_. “Yeah that’s right, sugar.” Bucky sounded impossibly smug, and patted at Tony’s rear playfully. “Now come here.”

He got a hand down the back of Tony’s pants to squeeze at his ass, working at his belt and Tony started shaking his head, mumbling something Bucky didn’t quite catch.

“What was that, baby?” Bucky yanked Tony’s collar aside and dug his teeth into his shoulder, worrying a dark bruise onto the smooth skin, making sure he left it somewhere Tony could hide, moaning over the way Tony arched against him and tried to pull him closer. “What’r’ya tryin’ to tell me?”

“I’m trying to tell me that you  _aren’t_ going to fuck me up against a wall because I have a perfectly good hotel room waiting just down the street that has a perfectly good bed and a perfectly good–oh oh oh  _fuck_ –”

He bit his tongue hard enough to bleed when Bucky rubbed against him, the hard line of his cock digging into his thigh, a breathless, needy moan from the soldier as he pressed the heel of his palm into Tony’s zipper.

“Sweet thing–”

The nickname crooned in a rolling accent, Bucky laying the Brooklyn on thick because he knew Tony couldn’t resist, just about killed Tony, his knees going weak as he giggled a little deliriously. “No really. Hotel. Come on, lets go. Bed. Sheets.  _Lights_. Top floor, corner room, Steve’s in the room next to me, but we all know he’s getting familiar with Agent Carter so we have no neighbors. Come on.”

“Lights, huh?” Tony could tell just from his voice that Bucky was smiling that ridiculous, trouser melting smile. “Gotta say I’m a fan of that, Tony.”

“Come on soldier.” Tony leaned up and kissed Bucky hungrily. “Been dreaming about you an awful lot to. Let’s see if you’re as good as I remember.”

********************

********************

“I can’t believe you’re actually here.” Bucky said later,  _hours_ later, after he and Tony had fallen onto the bed together, stumbled into a shower after they were done, and then managed to let the water run cold as they kissed and touched and worked each other up all over again until they were exhausted. 

“I told you, I’ve been traveling with Steve.” Tony stretched out on the bed and and yawned. “Where-ever he goes, I go.”

“Right.” Bucky pushed Tony’s hair off his forehead, dropped a little kiss on his brow. “About that whole thing–” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” Tony cut in. “I’m sorry about lying. I am. I just didn’t want to go behind Steve’s back, and I didn’t really know how to explain that Steve was now part of a USO show without getting into the serum thing– it was a  _mess_. I didn’t want to tell Steve’s secret and I didn’t want you to worry so.” He shrugged. “But you know now, and I don’t have to worry about accidentally saying anything, and we’re  _together_ , aren’t we? No harm done.” 

“No harm done.” Bucky kissed him again, on his nose this time and Tony scrunched it at him. “And I sure am happy we’re together now, sugar. Even though uh–” he blushed sweetly. “Sorry I was such a –uh– quick draw earlier. Been a long time since I even had time to take care’a myself, and you were the last person I was with so–” 

“Quick draw.” Tony tried not to laugh, but knew he failed when Bucky poked at him exasperatedly. “It’s alright, Brooklyn. You made up for it the second time. Made up for it perfectly. And you– you are the last person I was with too. So you know, no worries there.” 

Bucky sank onto the bed next to him, a little more relieved than he wanted to admit over Tony still being only his, and pulled his boyfriend onto his chest for a cuddle, letting the welcome weight and warmth settle into his bones, soothing the anxiousness, the darkness that had been hovering on the edge of his peripheral ever since Steve had pulled him off that chair.

“Steve’s gonna put together some hero squad.” He said after a minute, forcing the words past the lump in his throat. “Did you hear?”

“I sure did.” Tony said, well  _lied_ really, because he hadn’t been told about it yet, but it was another story he just knew. “You gonna go with him?”

“Of course. Can’t let him run off unchaperoned. His punk ass will end up doing something really ridiculous.” Bucky’s arms tightened around Tony. “You going to find a way to come with us?”

“I’m sure I’ll think of some bullshit title that means I can hang out with you.” Tony yawned, sinking deeper into Bucky’s chest. “You guys need a mechanic, I can ask Agent Carter for a reference as an excellent driver, I’ve been doing pretty good handling Steve’s money, maybe I can be the official accountant, I could always coordinate the press or–”

“Alright alright.” Bucky grinned and kissed his head again. “You have lots of ideas. But what about California?”

“What about California?” Tony asked over another yawn.

“What about when you want to go back?” Bucky’s heart twinged uncomfortably. “You’ll want to go back eventually, right?” 

“Don’t want to go back.” Tony started feeling around for the blankets, pulling them up over his shoulders. “Don’t even miss it anymore.”

“That’s real good, sugar.” A pause, and then. “We’ll have to be careful, doing this. Won’t be able to share hotel rooms once we deploy. Won’t even be able to kiss a whole lot, you know?”

“We will make it work.” Tony said firmly, and closed his eyes tight. “We’ll make it work.”

He hadn’t been real sure about all this before tonight, nearly sick to his stomach with anxiety in Azzano, staying away even when Steve had come back with the troops because he just wasn’t ready to face it all. It had been one thing to think he was falling in love with Bucky when they were just writing. A whole other thing to think he was in love when Bucky was standing in front of him, eyes hopeful and vulnerable.

Tony hadn’t ever done a long distance relationship, if  _that_ was what they could call it. Waiting weeks for a letter had nearly driven him mad since he was the type of person who hated waiting minutes for a text message. He didn’t know how many letters he had written and then torn up and started over, thinking they were too obvious, that anyone reading them would know that he and Bucky were together.

He wasn’t used to having to hide his relationships– whether they were one night stands or ones that lasted weeks. The tabloids knew all about them anyway, and if the press didn’t catch wind of the relationship while it was happening, they found out after the break up when the girl was willing to sell her information for a paycheck.

Having to hide, having to wait for communications, having to deal with feelings that grew over the course of months and had to wait almost a year to be confirmed–

Tony didn’t know what to think of all that.

He had been nervous to see Bucky again, worried that everything he  _thought_ he felt was false, that everything Bucky had said in the letters maybe was less true face to face. Not to mention, Tony knew their time was limited, the days and weeks he would have with Bucky shorter than he wanted to think about.

But all of that had disappeared when he saw Bucky in the bar– handsome and whole and so happy to see him.

All of those insecurities, all the worry and uncertainty had all just–

“Time falls away.” he whispered.

“What’s that, honey?” Bucky was yawning now, cuddling Tony as tight as he could and snuggling under the blankets.

“Time falls away.” Tony said clearer. “That’s what you said the first night we were together. Like even though it should have taken a while for us to get close, seemed like the time just fell away and we were able to be–”

“Yeah, I remember. What made you think of it?”

“Does it feel like that this time? Even though it’s been a year, does it feel like there’s no time between us?”

“No time at all, Tony.” Bucky urged him up for a long kiss. “Now let me sleep, this is one of the only times I’ll get to hold you all night, you know?”

“I know.” Tony kissed him back, then rolled over so Bucky was spooning behind him. “I’ll be here in the morning.”

“Mmmm.” Bucky sighed. “You’re my fella, right Tony?” 

“You’re right about that, soldier.” Tony whispered, and a few minutes later, Bucky was passed out asleep, his arm heavy around Tony’s waist. 

 _No time between us at all_. Tony thought, and smiled to himself in the dark of their hotel room. 

He was alright with that.


	11. Chapter 11

Tony heard the laughter from clear down the hall, and when he pushed open the door to his hotel room, it was to the sight of Bucky losing his mind over the various posters spread out across the table, and Steve who was not  _nearly_ as amused, sitting on the bed with his arms crossed.

“What’s going on, guys?” Tony asked, hanging up his jacket and carrying a file over to the table. “Buck? Find something interesting?”

“Heya sweet thing.” Bucky tipped his head up for a kiss and Tony gave it willingly, leaning down to linger over the embrace, sighing when Bucky reached up to cup his face with both hands. “I missed ya.”

“You just saw him last night.” Steve said flatly. “ _All_ of last night.  _Repeatedly_ last night, and I know this for sure because the walls of this hotel aren’t as thick as I’d like them to be.”

“Cranky.” Tony muttered, kissing Bucky one more time. “What’s his deal?”

“Apparently when Agent Carter asked for an escort back to her rooms, she only meant an escort, and Stevie was left havin’ta listen to us last night.”

“Struck out?” Tony  _tsked_ sympathetically. “Sorry, Steve.”

“It happens. Wouldn’t expect a classy dame like Agent Carter to be as forward as the USO girls anyway.” Steve shrugged it off before narrowing his eyes at Tony. “I am a little  _more_ upset about you showing Buck all my posters, though. I feel like that was unnecessary.” 

“I resent that.” Tony said mildly, crawling up the bed to sit next to the big blonde. “I didn’t  _show_ them to him, at lest not on purpose. When I left to meet Howard this morning, I simply left my suit case open and if Bucky stumbled onto something he shouldn’t see while trying to find clean socks– I mean, I can’t really be blamed for that, can I?”

“Stevie, just tell me one thing–” Bucky tilted his head back over the chair so he could see them. “Are the booty shorts mandatory? Or do ya just like how your thighs look in them sheer little tights?” 

“I’m going to kill him.” Steve vaulted off the bed and over to the table, taking Bucky out with a well timed tackle and knocking him, the posters, and the chairs all to the ground, Bucky’s startled yelp lost behind Tony’s laughter as he watched them wrestle.

While they were doing their very best to strangle each other– Bucky surprisingly holding his own against Steve– Tony started flipping through the file Howard had given him this morning. 

It was lists upon lists of tech and equipment, names of the men who needed it, which gun would go to which soldier, the material needed to create what would become those iconic uniforms that were sitting in the Smithsonian in 2012. Tony raised an impressed eyebrow when he realized that blue jacket that Bucky wore in all the picture– the one he hadn’t been given yet– was lined with an early version of  _Kevlar_.

Apparently Howard hadn’t just been responsible for making Steve that iconic shield, he had created full on  _body armor_  for all the Commandos.

That had been a story Tony had never heard, and he wondered why Howard hadn’t bragged about it as much as he had bragged about the weapons.

_Anyway._

The note had come early this morning, scrawled in Howard’s terrible hand writing, asking if “the mechanic” needed a real job now that Captain America was going to do more than shake and shimmy on stage, and if that was the case, he should meet Howard on base no later than ten am.

Purely out of spite, Tony had very seriously considered sending the courier back with a politely worded _Fuck You_ , but had ultimately decided against it. He needed a legitimate reason to stay close to Steve and to be able to see Bucky, and working alongside Howard would give him one that no one could argue with. He would even be able to collect a paycheck as a civilian employed by the military, and even though Tony hated the thought of having to survive by himself after Steve and Bucky were gone, it was a reality that he couldn’t ignore. 

A legitmate job and paycheck it was. 

The meeting with Howard had been full of snark and sarcasm, thinly veiled insults and insinuations about each other’s knowledge, rolled eyes and a handful of rude gestures and Tony– Tony had  _enjoyed_ it.

He had never been on equal footing with his father growing up– not age wise, of course, and despite what Tony had attempted to prove over and over, Howard had remained convinced Tony would  _never_ be an equal when it came to his genius. But here in this time, with Tony having the advantage of knowing everything already, and Howard having no reason to see Tony as competition–

–well, it had been hilarious.

Howard had shocked himself badly when he touched the glowing pellet they had extracted from the Hydra weapons Steve and the others had brought back, the pulse of energy enough to send them all flying and to leave Howard’s hair spiked for two and a half hours.

Tony had barely managed to quell his laughter enough to keep a conversation going, having to muffle a giggle into his palm every time he even looked in Howard’s direction.

Howard had retaliated by asking Tony about a thousand questions in the span of about three minutes just to make him stammer and had cackled about how stupid Tony looked right thenl.

Later, Tony childishly told Howard he had something on his face just to watch him swipe grease across his cheeks, and Howard had chucked a wrench that Tony barely caught, stumbling over his feet as he tried to get his hands on it.

They had shoved going through the same door, Howard had taken the last seat at the table with Agent Carter and Colonel Phillips, Tony had drank the last cup of coffee while staring at Howard balefully over the rim of the cup.

It had been light hearted and unexpected and it made Tony  _ache_ , made him miss his father– or rather,  _this_ side of his father that he had only glimpsed once in a while.

Despite the snark and general mishaps, Howard had ended what had apparently been an impromptu interview by handing Tony a thick file and telling him, “Shut your mouth and do some reading and maybe you can do something more than wrangle the Man in Tights his dinner.”

Tony had scratched his nose with his middle finger, not stopping until Howard had throw up his hands in irritation and stomped away. 

 _Hilarious_.

And now Tony was flipping through page after page of things he had never known, like how Howard had developed  _Kevlar_ almost thirty years before it became the norm, how the guns issued to the Commandos had been altered to increase their firing power, Bucky’s rifle scope specifically changed to make him deadlier from further away. 

On and on the information went, official tech specs and less official scribbled ideas, measurements for the men so new uniforms could be made, information about their preferences for colors– who knew Uncle Dum Dum had preferred his shirts to be  _that_ particular shade of green?– and Tony was struck by just how much Howard had known about the Commandos, and the lengths he went to making sure they had everything they needed.

It was almost humbling, in a way, and Tony–

“ _Damn it_!” A yell brought him back to the moment, and he looked up in time to see Steve kick Bucky off of him, sending Bucky into the wall.

“Steve!” he shouted, hopping off the bed and running to Bucky, helping him  shake the plaster out of his hair. “What the hell! Check your strength!”

“Check  _my_ strength?” Steve was wheezing, a hand to his chest as he tried to breathe and Tony blinked at him in confusion. “Bucky punched me in the chest and about broke one of my ribs!”

“Oh shaddup you serum jacked asshole.” Bucky scoffed, picking himself up from the floor. “I barely tapped ya. You’re just mad that even with all that juice pumpin’ through you, you still can’t beat me in a wrestlin’ match.”

“The hell I can’t.” Steve coughed again before straightening up. “You shouldn’a hit me like that, ain’t fair to sucker punch me.” 

“Aw look at that.” Bucky teased, purposefully letting his drawl coming through  _thick_. “Get’ya ass kicked an’ you’re all Brooklyn again huh? Can’t train that outta ya no matter how many high kicks ya do in those tights–”

Steve charged at him and Bucky  _oophed_ as he went down, the match starting all over again.

Tony sighed and went back to reading, ignoring the grunts and groans as the soldiers traded blows, the curses from Bucky and admonishments of  _language_! from Steve.

Neither he nor Steve put any second thought into the punch from Bucky that had left Steve so breathless a moment before, but after the sparring match was over and Steve was guzzling water, Tony still studying whatever was in his file, Bucky flexed his hand slowly, staring down at his fingers.

_What the hell was that?_

“Bucky bear?” Tony stood on his toes and kissed Bucky’s cheek, smiling when the soldier wound an arm automatically around his waist, holding him close. “Are you alright? You got all quiet on me.”

“Sorry, sugar.” Bucky tipped Tony’s chin up and kissed him again, longer this time, humming quietly when Tony hugged him tight. “Just thinkin’ is all.”

“About what?”

“About whether or not Stevie’s gonna keep that cute little uniform of his.” Bucky was lying, but he grinned when Tony started laughing. “I’d follow  _that_ into battle anywhere.”

“Gonna beat your ass, Bucky.” Steve growled, but the two brunettes only laughed harder. “ _Punks_.”

**********************

**********************

“Welcome to your first mission as the Howling Commandos.” Peggy greeted the team as they filed into the briefing room. “Those of you who don’t know me, my name is Agent Margaret Carter, yes I am from Britain, yes I am a woman, and yes, I definitely outrank you. You man refer to me as  _Agent_ or  _Agent Carter,_  or simply salute and say _ma’am._  To my left is Mr. Howard Stark, a name I’m sure you are all familiar with. He will be designing your tech, your weapons, and generally keeping you boys rolling the way you need to be.”

Howard lifted his drink in a salute and the Commandos all mumbled greetings.

“This is Tony Carbonell.” Peggy motioned to Tony. “He will be assisting Mr. Stark in all things science and mechanical related. Mr. Carbonell, you are familiar with Captain Rogers and Sergeant Barnes, allow me to introduce you to the rest of the team.”

“Sure.” Tony squashed a little jolt of excitement, and a wash of affection over seeing the men he had grown up calling  _Uncle_.

“This is Mr. Timothy Dugan, weapons enthusiast and–”

“Ms. Carter, you can just call me Dum-Dum.” he interrupted, and Peggy didn’t even skip a beat as she continued–

“–It’s  _Agent_ Carter, not  _Ms_. Carter, Mr. Dugan, thank you very much. Moving on, here to his right is James Morita–” Jim nodded to Tony, who grinned back at the man who had taught him how to gamble. “Gabriel Jones–” who made the best chicken Tony had ever had in his entire life. “Jacques Dernier, who I’m afraid only speaks French–”

“ _il ressemble à un faible_.” Jacques muttered and Tony snarked right back, “ _et vous ressemblez à un idiot_.” which shut good ol’ Uncle Jack Jack right up, much to the surprise of Gabriel, who also spoke French, and about laughed himself out of his chair. 

“If you two are done insulting each other?” Peggy raised her eyebrows and Tony held up a hand apologetically, winking at Bucky and Steve who had turned to look at him in surprise. “Thank you, let’s get back to the briefing.”

Tony zoned out for most of the meeting, too distracted by seeing the Commandos quite literally larger than life, stepping from his memories and sitting right in front of him, Howard standing beside him.

All he needed was a poker table and it would be a scene out of his dining room growing up.

 _Surreal_.

The meeting ended before Tony even noticed, and when Howard elbowed him and called for the Commandos to follow him to get their fear, he forced himself to concentrate.

“Alright, Tony?” Steve asked quietly, hanging back to talk with him. “You’ve been real quiet, got a real weird look on your face right now.”

“It’s nothing.” Tony shook his head quickly, absentmindedly reaching out for Steve’s hand and squeezing lightly. “Just you know, back in– in  _California_ , I never would have thought I’d be watching the formation of some elite group of soldiers, hanging out with Captain America… none of that. It’s a little mind boggling.”

“Well don’t be too boggled.” Steve teased him. “We need you to keep Stark in line. He’s something of a wild card.”

“You don’t like him?” Tony raised his eyebrows in mock surprise. “Why-ever not?”

“He’s cocky. Arrogant. Has a mouth on him.” Steve was doing a poor job of hiding the disgust in his voice. “Thinks everything’s a joke, always has something to say. I can’t stand him.”

“Easy, Cap, that sounds an awful lot like my list of characteristics too!” Tony joked, a twinge in his chest over the  _annoyance_ in Steve’s eyes, even after a year in the past the memory of their fight aboard the SHIELD carrier fresh enough to sting.

“You’re none of those things, Tony.” Steve assured him, and now he held Tony’s hand a little tighter. “Well, you’re  _all_ of those things, but you’re also my best friend. I can excuse them because I see all the good in you.”

“Easy Cap.” Tony repeated, quieter this time. “Now you’re sounding like you might be sweet on me and I think that would make Agent Carter awful sore at you.”

“You’re starting to talk like Bucky.” Steve grinned and dropped Tony’s hand, shoving his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket as they headed to find the others. “I don’t know if that’s funny or terrifying.”

“Nice side step of my mention of Peggy.” Tony side- eyed him as they walked. “Everything alright there? I thought you saw her this morning?”

“Yeah, I saw her alright.” Steve bit out through clenched teeth, and Tony forced himself not to react. He knew  _very well_  what had happened this morning, but he still wanted to hear it from Steve after so many times of hearing Peggy’s version.

“So what happened?” he asked as innocently as he possibly could. “Even if she turned you down for romantic times last night, surely you made a good impression today?”

“Ah. Not so much.” Steve ran his fingers through his hair and groaned. “She came around the corner as I was kissing Lorraine and–”

“STEVE ROGERS YOU DOG!” Tony burst out laughing and shoved at Steve’s shoulder. “ _Lorraine_? She kisses everyone!”

“She called me a hero!”

“She called ME a hero yesterday!” Tony cackled. “I can’t believe you fell for that line!”

“ANYWAY!” Steve raised his voice, frowning down at Tony. “Anyway, Peggy came around the corner and saw us and said something about me apparently already finding a dance partner and walked away! Then when I tried to show her my shield later? She tried to shoot me!”

“Well let’s all be glad she missed.” Tony said blandly and Steve huffed at him. “So. How are you going to get back in Peggy’s good graces?”

“I have no idea.”

“Do you want some advice?”

“From you?” Blue eyes narrowed suspiciously at him. “Tony, I don’t think–”

“Buy her flowers.” Tony interrupted. “Not roses, wild flowers. Something pretty and a little unorganized. She lives her life regimented and with a bunch of rules, the gifts you give her shouldn’t also be regimented and ruled, huh?”

“That’s… that’s decent advice.” Steve said in surprise. “Thanks, Tony.” 

“Yes.” Tony sighed and pushed him through the door to suit up with the rest of the men. “Yes, I give wonderful advice, Cap.”

******************

******************

“Come back to me, huh soldier?” Tony curled his hands in Bucky’s collar and pulled him down for a long kiss. “Please?”

“Always gonna come back to ya, sugar.” Bucky said roughly, combing his fingers through Tony’s hair before bringing him back again. “Don’t worry about me, it’s Stevie we gotta watch. He might be bulletproof but he’s still a dummy.”

“Well watch out yourself  _and_ for him.” Tony conceded, brushing down the blue jacket, admiring the way it clung to Bucky’s shoulders and nipped in at his waist. “And maybe wear this jacket when you get back?”

“Yeah? You like it?” Bucky waggled his eyebrows and Tony grinned up at him. “Maybe I’ll wear this and nothin’ else.”

“Oh soldier, I think I like that idea.”

“We’re gonna have to be careful from now on.” Bucky whispered, drawing Tony further into their dark little corner, hiding from the lights of the loading dock. “Last few days being able to share a hotel have been ‘mazing, but we can’t do that anymore. I know these men pretty well but somethin’ about a fella bein fancy on another fella brings out the worst in some of the best people.”

“I know.” Tony frowned, pushing his forehead into Bucky’s shoulder. “It won’t be like that forever though. Eventually being like this together will be accepted and even legal and–”

“What books you been reading, baby?” Bucky chuckled, but it was sad. “Can’t imagine nothin’ like that. Ain’t even legal for Gabriel to be with his girl cos she’s white, I can’t believe something like  _us_ will be alright one day.”

“Hey hey hey.” A hand over Bucky’s mouth to shush him. “You and I  _are_ alright. I don’t care what anyone else says. Not going to stop me from wanting to be with you.” 

“When the war’s over we can–” Bucky started, but Tony shook his head.

“You gotta complete this mission before we can start talking about that sort of thing, right? Just go and come back to me and we will take it one day at a time.”

“Alright, honey.” One last kiss, Bucky bringing Tony in close, nuzzling at his neck and whispering soft things into his ear. “Will you be here when I get back?”

“Not going anywhere.”

“See you soon, sweet thing.”

Bucky smiled one last time and stepped out onto the dock, jogging to catch up with the rest of the unit as they boarded the plane that would drop them some where classified, to do something off the books, all in the name of defeating HYDRA and defeating Nazi’s.

Tony knew they all came home this time. This time and the next time and the time after that as well, but it didn’t stop him from worrying.

“Relax, Mr. Carbonell.” Peggy came to stand beside him, arms folded across her chest as she watched the plane taxi down the runway. “They will come home. Captain Rogers, those rough and tumble men he chose as his elite team. Even your Sergeant Barnes.”

“ _My_ Sergeant–”

“Your secret is safe with me, Mr. Carbonell.” Peggy never took her eyes off the runway. “It is difficult to care for a soldier, more difficult when you aren’t  _supposed_ to care for the soldier. Stolen moments are few and far between, and it will never get easier to see him leave, but the moments when he comes home will make it worth it.”

“Are you still talking about me and Bucky?” Tony shot his Aunt an odd look. “Because that seemed like an awful personal statement to make.”

“Do you believe in love at first sight, Mr. Carbonell?”

“…No?”

“Neither do I.” She murmured. “And yet here we both are, watching our men fly off to win a war, hm? Except your soldier is the same as he’s always been, and mine– well I’m afraid I’m still getting used to how mine looks these days. Such a change from before, isn’t it?”

Tony looked down over Peggy’s starched uniform, the highly polished shoes, her hair coiffed stiffly, her lipstick applied perfectly, and felt something settle  _cold_ in his chest, his heart breaking for his Aunt.

“You are looking awfully armored today, Agent Carter.” he said, the words thick with what he suddenly  _knew_. “Any special battle you’re planning to fight?” 

“Sometimes armor is less about preparing for a fight, and more about standing steady when you know the inevitable is coming.” was all she said before turning on her heel and marching away.

Tony waited until the plane had disappeared in the distance before turning and walking away as well.

All those years, all the stories, he had never  _once_ heard Peggy say she loved Steve, that she had ever looked at him with anything more than fondness and admiration. He had thought– along with almost everyone else– that it was more one sided on Steve’s side, especially since Peggy had married happily after he had disappeared.

Aunt Peggy had never once told him that she had fallen for Steve before he was ever Captain America, and now that Tony knew–

–  _god_ , it was going to make the  _inevitable_ so much worse.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is like... scenes from after the Commandos get back from missions, because its the only time Tony would see Bucky or Steve. I hope the format isn't too terribly confusing

“Captain Rogers.” **  
**

Steve stopped in surprise when he saw Peggy in the hall, nothing more than a shadow in the dark of the dorms.

“Uh- Agent Carter. Hello.”

“Welcome back.” She stepped into the weak glow from the overhead light still in her uniform, perfectly polished and put together, and if she hadn’t been twisting her fingers nervously, Steve wouldn’t have thought that anything was wrong at all. “You and your team are late, I thought you’d be back on base hours ago.”

“We got a little held up.” Steve put his shield down, leaning it against the door to the room he shared with Bucky. “Funnily enough, Nazi’s don’t keep to the same schedule we do.”

Peggy smiled, just barely and Steve waited another beat before asking, “Was there something you needed? Or something Howard needed? I’m not trying to be rude, but the last time we spoke you weren’t exactly my biggest fan and now you’re waiting by my room?”

“Contrary to popular belief and whatever  _he_ seems to think ,” Peggy said sharply. “I am not Howard Stark’s messenger in any way, shape or form, and I am not here on an errand for him.”

“Apologies, ma’am.” Steve tried not to shiver over the  _ice_ in her words. “Well, if you don’t need anything—“

“I thought perhaps a drink.” Peggy interrupted. “If you aren’t too tired? I agree, I wasn’t exactly  _charming_ in our last interaction, but you left me those wonderful flowers and I thought perhaps we could try again. Unless you are too tired, of course.” 

“I am definitely not too tired for a drink.” Steve blurted, then bit his tongue when she raised a fairly amused eyebrow. “With you. A drink  _with you_. I mean, if you wanted to. I would love to buy you a drink. I just uh— I just need a shower?”

“A shower.” Peggy made a noise that wasn’t exactly  _un_ interested and Steve felt himself flush. “An hour then?”

“One hour. Yes ma’am.”

Steve waited until she had disappeared down the hall before fumbling to get his own door open, barely remembering to grab his shield.

“Steve!” Tony was stretched out on Bucky’s bunk, but jumped to his feet when the door opened, dropping his book and wrapping Steve in a big hug. “Welcome back!”

“Tony.” Shower momentarily forgotten, Steve hugged him back, gathering the smaller man as close as he could. “Tony. It’s so good to see you.”

“Hey.” Tony was laughing, bussing a quick kiss to Steve’s cheek before pulling away. “Did you see Peggy? She’s been waiting in the hallway and I don’t think she knew I was in here.”

“She wants to go get a drink.” Steve said with an excited smile, and Tony pumped his fist in the air.

“That’s great! I told you those flowers would work!” Tony pushed him to the bathroom. “First go get a shower because wow you stink. We can catch up after your date, yeah? I want to hear everything.”

“You sure you’ll have time to catch up?” Steve was already stripping his shirt off and unhooking his belt. “Or will you be too busy with Bucky to talk to me?”

“Don’t you worry about what me and Bucky are doing.” Tony threw a towel at him. “Just get clean, otherwise Peggy might ditch you and then you’d be stuck listening to me and Bucky being loud.”

“You plannin’ on being loud tonight, sugar?” Bucky asked as he opened the door to the dorm, and whatever Tony said was smothered in a little yell and an excited kiss.

Steve rolled his eyes and got in the shower.

They were  _definitely_ going to be loud, he could only hope they would wait to get naked until he had left the room.

*****************

*****************

Dugan was pouring shots, the team pounding on the table and chanting as the glasses filled and spilled over, adding to the mess from the previous drinks.

Bucky counted down “Three, two, one!!” and each soldier grabbed their glass to drain it, slamming the cups down before throwing back their heads and howling.

“My god, I do believe I have a migraine coming on.” Peggy rubbed her forehead wearily, taking a drink of her water and grimacing at the flat taste. “Do they have to  _howl_? This is a business establishment, not a forest.”

“Where’s your team spirit?” Tony elbowed her lightly, sipping at his own beer. “Didn’t you hear? Steve threw a motorcycle at a Nazi today, and if anything sounds like a valid reason to get drunk, that would be it.”

“I could agree with one drink.” She sighed, listening with a grimace as the chanting and pounding started again. “And maybe two, because a man of Mr. Dugan’s size would need more than one, but at this rate, they will put the bartender out of business.”

“I’m sure he will retire happily knowing he helped the war effort in a very important way.” Tony joked, watching the team put yet another shot back. “Necessary work, making sure these boys can laugh about their day.”

“You have been hanging around with Howard too much.” She said, mild disapproval lacing the words. “He has a way of speaking that sounds so true, so convincing, that you almost forget it’s all a crock of bullshit.”

“A crock of–?” Tony almost choked on his drink. “Agent Carter!”

“No man smiles that often and means it.” Peggy smirked over Tony’s obvious shock at her choice of words. “Howard is always smiling, always laughing over something, always making a joke. One would almost think he was putting on a show for someone, but I can’t imagine who he thinks his audience is.”

“ _I_  smile all the time.” Tony countered. “But that doesn’t mean I’m putting on a show, does it?”

“Doesn’t it?” Peggy met Tony’s eyes steadily, and Tony swallowed against the glint in that gaze, the way she had always cut through his bull shit to get to the heart of the matter.

“And Mr. Carbonell, you don’t smile as often as you think you do. In fact, unless those two soldiers—“ a gesture towards Steve and Bucky. “— are with you, some days you look positively melancholy.”

“Maybe I’m just moody.” Tony said lightly, taking an extra large drink to make up for the one that had nearly killed him just a minute before. “I wouldn’t say I am  _melancholy_.”

“Or maybe  _you_ , like _I_ , am well aware that a smile and a can-do attitude doesn’t change the fact that this is  _war_ , and we are operating on borrowed time.” Peggy said quietly. “They can howl all they want, but it’s just as much a show as your smile, isn’t it?”

 _Oh_.

Shaken by Peggy’s observation, by the  _reminder_ , Tony turned back to the party, his jaw set firmly.

It might be borrowed time, but he fully intended to enjoy every minute of it.

****************

****************

 _“Tonytonytony_ –” Bucky tugged at Tony’s hair hard enough to hurt and Tony pulled away with a  _pop_ , staring up at Bucky from where he was kneeling on the floor.

“Bucky, you gotta be quiet or we’re going to get caught!” he scolded playfully. “You don’t want someone to find us do you?”

“Course I don’t want anyone to find us.” Bucky panted, tightening his grip so Tony would stay still and let him speak. “But sugar, if ya don’t let up I’m gonna scream or somethin’. Your mouth is too good, I can’t be quiet, I just  _can’t_.”

“Well you’re going to have to  _try_ , because everything echoes in the showers.” Tony bit at the inside of his cheek as he stroked over Bucky’s cock, watching the soldier gasping for breath above him. “Either that, or I could stop. Do you want me to stop?”

“Jesus, Tony for the love of God don’t sto–” Bucky bit off a groan as Tony started mouthing over his slit, teasing at the sensitive skin below it with the rough pad of his thumb. “When I’m done, I’m gonna get ya up against this wall and fuck ya with my tongue until you’re screamin’ ya hear? Then we’ll see who has a hard time to staying quiet.”

“Oooh soldier are you threatening me?” Tony laughed a little breathlessly, running his hand firmly up Bucky’s thigh and to his stomach, feeling the muscles bunch and twitch beneath his palm. “ _Kinky_. I like it. But I have a better idea.”

“Oh yeah?” Bucky made an effort to gentle his fingers, carding through Tony’s dark hair instead of pulling at it, smoothing down his jaw to thumb over his bottom lip. “What could be a better idea than this, honey?”

“How about instead of using your tongue and your fingers you just use  _this_?” Tony suggested, making a show of wetting his lips before licking a long stripe up the thick length. “And we skip all the foreplay?”

No more than a minute later Bucky was shaking his head, a hand over his mouth in mortification, apologizing over and over, “Damn it, Tony I’m so sorry! I didn’t expect you to say that and I couldn’t help myself, I’m so sorry!”

Tony sighed a touch dramatically and started cleaning the mess from his face, licking his fingers and rinsing them off in the shower.

“Well now you  _have_ to use your tongue.” he said blandly. “Since it seems like my idea blew up in my face, hm?”

This time it was laughter echoing around the showers, Bucky dragging Tony up his body to smother him in a kiss, turning the water warmer so they could stay as long as they wanted.

“I sure am gone on you, sweet thing.” Bucky whispered into Tony’s ear, caging him in against the shower wall protectively, an arm looped around Tony’s chest and a hand resting over his heart. “Ya know that, yeah?”

“I’m gone on you too, soldier.” Tony tipped his head back onto Bucky’s shoulders, his breath catching when the hand at his heart started traveling lower. “But you already knew that, yeah?”

Bucky’s reply was less a word and more of a moan, and with a whispered, “Remember to stay quiet, babydoll.” he sent to work trying his damnedest to make Tony scream.   

*****************

*****************

Peggy kissed Steve on rainy afternoon after yet another mission, yet another HYDRA faction dismantled, another base set ablaze, the Commando’s pouring off their transport with yells and cheers, shouts for a drink, catcalls and whistles at the few women on the base.

In the midst of the chaos, Steve caught sight of Peggy waiting beneath an umbrella and hurried her way, finally having gotten the courage and the words to ask her for a drink himself, maybe for a walk after, maybe even for a–

Peggy stepped out to meet him, putting both hands on his shield and yanking hard.  When Steve stumbled forward in surprise, Peggy stood up on her toes and pressed a very chaste kiss to his cheek.

Steve didn’t hesitate to set his shield to the side and put an arm around her tiny waist, keeping Peggy up on tip toes to kiss her right on the mouth, sweet and solid and full of  _longing_ , his other hand at the base of her neck, thumb smoothing a gentle line along the curve of her neck.

“Sure am glad you were waiting here for me.” he whispered. “Been wanting to do this sorta thing for about forever.”

“Well why did it take you so long, then?” she whispered back.

Steve couldn’t do much more than smile, and kiss her again.

No one on the team was brave enough to tease Peggy about the not-secret-at-all- kiss that everyone had seen them share in the rain, so even though the word about the kiss spread like wild fire, Peggy never heard a single rumour or caught a single sideways glance from the gossip mongers.

 _Fortunately_ , Steve wasn’t nearly as scary as Peggy and still turned into a stammering goofball if she smiled too long at him, so Tony, Bucky and every other member of the Howling Commandos spent every minute possible giving Steve all sorts of grief about the kiss.

“She had to grab you by the shield to get you to kiss her, huh? Careful mate, that sets a dangerous precedent!”

“Aw leave him alone, Cap’s a shy boy. Ain’t his fault the dame’s gotta make the first move.”

“Did ya whisper sweet nothin’s into her ear? Or was the ice queen the one talkin’ dirty?”

“Oh no! It’s raining! Stevie’s gonna start feelin’ frisky, everyone watch out!”

Steve took it all good naturedly, permanently blushed an endearing shade of pink, using his free time to sketch yet another picture of Peggy, outlining her expressive eyes, her pretty lips, the little curl in her hair.

“It’s adorable.” Tony kissed Steve’s forehead with an indulgent smile. “You two are adorable.”

“Yes we are.” Steve agreed. “Yes we are.”

*****************

*****************

“So then Steve turns to Peggy and asks if we fondue.” Howard mumbled around the pencil in his mouth, staring down at the dismantled rifle in front of him and trying to figure out how to increase the firing speed. “And she just looks at him as if he is the biggest dumb ass in the world, I swear. No one can make a man feel as small as a woman who looks at you like  _that_.”

“You don’t like her?” Tony was taking apart a second rifle, cleaning and laying the pieces out on the table as he went. “I thought you two were friends.”

“It’s more like, she needs me to make all this crap work.” Howard started drawing in his notebook, sketching out a rough re-design for the standard issue weapon. “And I’m terrified of her so you know, it’s a healthy, working relationship.”

Tony did a few measurements on the rifle in front of him. “So, you two have  _never_ fondued? Also, if you’re trying to lengthen the barrel on this thing, your measurements are off.”

“My measurements are  _not_ off, thank you and as far as Peggy and I–.” Howard stopped, mouthing the numbers he had written down, and then scribbled through his design with a disgruntled look at Tony. “As far as Peggy and I? Not ever. Even though I heard she and the Captain were caught getting sweet in the rain. Any truth to that rumour?”

“You don’t know about it?” Tony grabbed a pencil of his own and corrected another mistake in Howard’s math. “Mr. Stark who knows everything, doesn’t know about the hottest gossip on this particular Allied base?”

“To be fair, I heard it from Jacques, and I only believe about half of what he says.” Howard shrugged and Tony raised his eyebrows in silent agreement. Uncle Jack Jack was a world class bull shitter. “So they finally got together, hm? Captain Patriot and Ms. Britain?”

“I would say so.” Tony agreed, thinking back to how he and Bucky had been able to  _utilize_ the table in the dorms last night since Steve had been out with Peggy again. “I don’t know if they’ve reached fondue level yet but–”

Tony jumped a little when Howard burst out laughing, but he joined in after a minute.

_How many times had he actually laughed with his dad?_

******************

******************

Steve was going over details for the upcoming mission, a hand to his forehead to ward off a headache, vision blurring from staring at the map for so long, when Bucky knocked on the door.

“Hey Buck.” he sent his best friend a grateful smile. “Thank god, I really needed a reason to stop looking at all this and couldn’t come up with one to save my life.”

“I’m glad you gotta deal with all that business and not me.” Bucky said with an answering grin. “You wanna take a break, get a drink with me?”

“Always.” Steve shoved back from the desk and grabbed his jacket. “Let’s go.”

He followed Bucky out the door and away from the dorms, heading for the bar they tended to frequent whenever they got home from a mission. He and the rest of the Commandos took up an entire corner of the tavern for most of the night, happy to be back in London, happy to be alive, drowning the parts of their day they didn’t want to talk about in drink after drink.

The owner knew them all by name, always kept a table waiting, and today was no different as he called out to Bucky and Steve and waved them towards a quiet booth near the back.

“Something on your mind, Buck?” Steve finally asked, when he had drank half his beer and Bucky hadn’t touched his at all. “Thought you wanted a drink but you’ve just been peeling at the label. What’s wrong?”

“I’ve been thinking.” Bucky started out slowly. “You an’ Tony, you got real close while I was gone, didn’t you? Real friendly with each other?”

“Um, sure.” Steve kept his voice even, his tone steady while he waited to see where Bucky was taking the conversation. “We were together every day, traveling together and eating and–”

“–sharing ice cream at night, sharing a bed.” Bucky added quietly. “Yeah, Tony told me all that.”

“We never did anything, Bucky.” Steve lowered his voice to a whisper. “Sometimes it was just nice to sleep next to someone cos things were so crazy. That’s all.”

“I know.” Bucky nodded. “Tony told me that too.”

“He’s your fella, Buck.” Steve kept talking, unnerved by Bucky’s short answers. “Tony’s wonderful. Sweet and funny and a real looker but I wouldn’t ever– wouldn’t ever try to get between you and him. You know that, yeah?”

“Yeah, I know.”

Silence again, Bucky staring down at his beer bottle, and Steve staring at Bucky, confused by their vague talk.

“You and Agent Carter.” Bucky spoke again, changing the subject. “Think that’s gonna be the real thing? Come home from the war and settle down with her and all that?”

“I think so.” Steve tried not to smile so big at the thought of Peggy, but he knew he failed when Bucky kicked at him under the table. “I don’t know how she feels about it all, but I’m pretty sure I’ve loved her since I saw her knock Hodge on his country ass. And if the way she kisses is any indication–” Bucky raised his beer in a silent salute and Steve’s smile got even bigger. “What about you and Tony?”

“You know we don’t have that option like you and Peggy do.” Bucky swallowed uncomfortably and Steve felt a familiar twinge of sympathy for his friend finally finding love and not being able to enjoy it the same as everyone else. “But I wanted to ask you something anyway.”

“Whatever you want, Buck. Ask me anything.”

“If something ever happens to me–” Bucky began, his eyes flashing in warning when Steve started shaking his head. “Stevie,  _listen_! Outta all of us, you’re the one who’s closest to guaranteed to come home and–”

“Bucky,  _stop_!”

“LISTEN!” Bucky ordered and Steve shut up, even though he didn’t stop frowning. “Listen. You’re my best friend, Stevie. And if I don’t make it home, you need to make sure that Tony’s alright. I don’t want him to be alone if I’m gone, you know? He doesn’t have any family here and he doesn’t talk much about California, only that he’s got a Honeybear out there and a girl he left behind, but that’s not much. He doesn’t have anyone really. You need to take care of him. For me. Promise.”

“I’m not going to let anything happen to Tony, Buck. He’s my best friend too.” Steve was still scowling at him, upset that Bucky even felt the need to say it at all. “You don’t have to say anything like that. Don’t have to worry about Tony, or you. Nothing’s going to happen. I’m not going to let anything happen to  _either_ of you.”

“Promise me.”

“I promise.” The Captain drained the rest of his beer. “But you’re being stupid. When all this is over we can buy houses next to each other and play cards together on the weekends. It will be fine, you’ll see.”

“That’s your dream, huh?” Bucky finally relaxed a little, slumping back into his chair. “To be neighbors and get t’gether on Sundays after church? Thought you’d want something a little more exciting, now that you’re  _tall_. All you wanted to do was fight, you really think you’re going to settle down and do the family thing?”

“War’s not going to last forever.” Steve said slowly. “Got to have a plan for after, right? My plan includes Peggy, and a white picket fence and a few kids. Real easy to add you and Tony into that plan too.”

“So the end of the line will be when we’re both senile and chasing kids off the lawn from our rocking chair?” Bucky pushed his hair out of his eyes. “Seems a little tame for two soldiers who used to fight bullies in alleys and now are fighting Nazi’s in Europe.”

“If that’s where the line takes us.” Steve motioned for another beer. “Then I’ll sit with your old ass and yell at kids from the porch and be happy about it. Who needs a fight when we can just live, huh?”

“I’ll drink to that.”

*****************

*****************

“Shhh doll, we gotta be real quiet.” Bucky’s breath was hot in Tony’s ear, the words just barely audible as he slipped into the tiny bunk, the mattress dipping beneath his weight.

“Bucky, what are you doing?” Tony hissed. “This is not a good idea.”

“Been missin’ ya real bad lately, Tony.” Bucky fit himself tighter against Tony’s back, nibbled at his ear lobe. “You been missin’ me, too?”

Tony licked his lips before whispering, “Yeah, I miss you, Buck. But we’re visitors on this army base, and I’m sleeping in the general housing dorms with the rest of the civilians. You aren’t supposed to be here and you  _really_ aren’t supposed to be in my bed and if we get caught–”

“Won’t get caught.” Bucky grunted as he shifted in the bed and Tony bit his lip bloody trying not to groan when he felt Bucky’s cock digging into his ass.

“C’mere baby doll.” Bucky crooned. “C’mere and lemme just touch you a little bit.”

This was  _dangerous_ , trying to be together in practically a public place, and if they were caught, Bucky could be in real trouble, maybe even tossed out of the army if the CO was enough of a homophobe, but it didn’t seem to phase the soldier at all.

Bucky went slow and careful, freezing every time anyone in the dorms shifted and rolled in their beds, but eventually he had both sets of sleep pants down around their knees and could fit his length into the tight pocket made by Tony’s thighs, slipping under the curve of that perfect ass and dragging over Tony’s perineum, over his sac, bumping against the base of Tony’s cock.

“Shit.” Tony pushed his face into the pillow to muffle his gasp, and then managed to have a coherent enough thought to quietly fumble for some of the hand cream he had in his toiletry bag on the side table, spreading it as best he could over his thighs so Bucky had a slick space to stroke into.

“S’good, sweetheart.” Bucky murmured, and wrapped one arm under and around Tony’s shoulders to hold him still, his other sliding through the creme and then up Tony’s length. “You good like this?”

“Bucky.” Tony pushed his head back so Bucky could lay hot kisses down his neck. “ _Please_.”

Slowly,  _so slowly_  so the bed wouldn’t squeak or rock too much, Bucky thrust between Tony’s thighs, sighing when Tony crossed his ankles to make everything squeeze tighter, kissing every bit of skin he could reach, all over Tony’s shoulders, all along his jawline, Tony turning as far as he could so their mouths connected.

Their pleasure built slowly, almost lazily, comfortable touches in the dark, exploring each others bodies with no real urgency. After almost two weeks apart it was good to just lie next to each other, to feel each other’s warmth, to feel the arousal sparking and growing with every pass of their fingers, every time their lips met.

Tony wanted to ask a million questions about the mission, and Bucky wanted to turn on the lights so he could see Tony smile, but neither of those could be done, so they were content to just be close– sharing breath when they kissed, Bucky mouthing over Tony’s pulse, Tony reaching down to stroke over Bucky’s cock against his own, Bucky murmuring unintelligible sweet things into Tony’s shoulder.

Neither was in a hurry to finish, but no matter how lazy their touches were, it had been two weeks since they had even stood in the same room together, much less anything like  _this_ and  Bucky was the first to come, his hips stuttering, breath catching, quieting a curse in Tony’s hair as he spilled wet onto Tony’s thighs.

“Shit.” Tony moaned, linking Bucky’s fingers with his own and using their hands to find his own release, arching his back and biting into his clean palm to keep himself from shouting as he came a moment later, shuddering through each jolt of pleasure and finally falling limp against Bucky’s chest.

“Tony.” Bucky wiped his hand on the blanket and wrapped both arms around Tony to hold him tight. “Honey I–”

Tony wriggled on the bed, cursing over the noise, until he was face to face with Bucky and could finally kiss him the right way, crushing their mouths together and swallowing Bucky’s pleased moan.

“I missed you, soldier. Don’t stay away so long next time.”

****************

****************

“Get off.” Steve threw a pillow at Tony and Bucky. “This is my bed and you aren’t about to do  _that_ all over it.”

“Calm down Spangles.” Tony batted the pillow away with one hand, his other hand still stroking through Bucky’s hair. “Bucky’s trying to sleep and we are both fully clothed. Nothing happened on your bed that you need to be worried about.”

“Well thank God for that.” Steve started stripping out of his practice gear. “But I still don’t understand why you’re napping on  _my_ bed.”

“Oh.” Tony smirked. “Because our bed has a big ol’ wet spot and we didn’t want to lay in it.”

Steve squawked something terribly awkward and horrified, and Bucky lifted his head from Tony’s lap long enough to laugh at him.

“I hate you both.” Steve groaned, heading for the shower. “When I come out of the bathroom, there had better be room for me on that bed, you hear?”

“Sir yes sir.” Bucky saluted him mockingly, then leaned up far enough to kiss Tony’s lips before dropping right back down to go back to napping.

When Steve came out of the shower, Bucky and Tony had scooted over towards the other side of the bed and there was a pillow plumped and waiting for him, Tony watching him with a aggravating smile and raised eyebrows.

Steve shot him an aggravated look of his own and flopped on the bed extra hard, damn near bouncing Bucky off the mattress and making Tony shriek when he almost fell off too.

“Damn it, Stevie.” Bucky rearranged himself so his head was back on Tony’s lap, his arms around Tony’s waist so they could snuggle. “Share your bed nice, no reason to be huffy about it!”

“It’s  _my_ bed!” Steve scowled and grabbed another pillow. “Why didn’t you just put a blanket on your bunk?”

“All the blankets are dirty.” Tony explained, his eyes wide and innocent. “It’s been a few weeks since we’ve seen each other again and–”

“Please stop talking.” Steve groaned. “For the love of  _god_. Is the couch safe? Or did you do something terrible on that too?”

“Hush.” Tony leaned over and bussed a kiss onto his cheek. “Cap, you want to nap with us or not? Otherwise, take your bitching somewhere else.”

“Ugh. Yes.” Steve scooted down on the bed and put an arm over his eyes. “Some of us actually did the training with the rest of the Commandos today and need a rest.”

“Shaddup Stevie. I got a workout.” Bucky mumbled. “Jus’ wasn’t the same as yours that’s all.”  

Steve groaned even louder. “I’m getting my own room.”

“The hell you are.” A big yawn from Tony, the bed creaking as he tried to scooch down between the soldiers. “We spent a whole year rooming together and now I hardly ever get to see you. Take a nap, Steve.”

Steve grumbled a little more, but Tony started petting through his hair and within a few minutes, both Bucky and Steve were asleep again, curled up onto Tony as tight as they could be.

Tony was awake only long enough to smile over how cuddly the big bad soldiers were, before he was asleep too.

****************

****************

“Well, we did a spectacular job of missing Christmas, didn’t we?” Peggy sighed over her cup of tea and Steve and Bucky looked at each other in surprise, Tony looking away uncomfortably.

“When was Christmas?” Bucky asked over a sip of his beer, his hand resting on Tony’s knee beneath the table. Peggy had private quarters because of her status in British Intelligence and being one of the only women soldiers, and the four had taken to spending their free evenings in her rooms where Bucky and Tony were free to be openly affectionate with each other, and Peggy and Steve were free to further their own relationship away from disapproving eyes.

“Oh, something around six weeks ago.” Peggy smiled up at Steve when he brought her a fresh cup. “Thank you, Captain.”

“Ma’am.” Steve whispered back and dropped a sweet kiss on her lips.

“My god, you two are cute.” Tony teased them and predictably, Steve blushed and even more predictably, Peggy touched her hair and cleared her throat. “Just adorable.”

“Anyway, the holidays.” Peggy began again, lacing her and Steve’s fingers together and making the Captain blush all over again. “Our rip roaring Commandos were setting fire to a base that used to belong to HYDRA, the war for the foot soldiers certainly doesn’t stop because of a date on the calender, and our dear Mr. Carbonell here didn’t stop working in the lab for an entire week. He might very well give Mr. Stark a run for his money when it comes to longest hours worked, they are very nearly obsessive about their tech.”

“You worked for an entire week?” Bucky frowned and nudged at Tony. “Why, sugar? You didn’t tell me about that.” 

“Just got busy.” Tony said with a pained smile, but when Bucky’s concerned expression didn’t change, Steve and Peggy watching him as well, he sighed. “Um, my parents. My parents passed away right around Christmas, and even before then Christmas wasn’t really a great day in my house, so it’s easier to not celebrate it at all. I’d rather just work through it most years, you know?” 

“Sweet thing.” Bucky murmured and kissed his forehead. “I didn’t know, why didn’t ya say anything?”

“Well Steve and I were touring for last Christmas.” Tony tried to shrug it off, but Bucky simply hugged him closer. “So it wasn’t a big deal then, and you two were gone this year– we could have gone another twelve months without it coming up at all.”

“Tony.” Peggy reached across the table to squeeze him hand. “I’m so sorry for you loss. Had I known I wouldn’t have–”

“Please.” A quick shake of his head. “Don’t worry about it. It’s been a long time now and it’s–it’s fine.”

And it  _had_ been fine, really.

Howard had never been big on Christmas when Tony was growing up, and apparently that habit had started in his twenties, because he had joined Tony in the lab by eight am and they had spent the day tinkering and toying with differing things, setting up experiments and watching the resulting catastrophe, no real plan to their day. 

Around lunch, Howard had broken into a bottle of scotch and by dinner time they were singing drunken Christmas carols and laughing over nothing and it might have been the best Christmas Tony had ever had with his dad.

He had woken up on the 26th of December and cried in the shower, for all the Christmas’s he had missed with his dad, for all the Christmas’s he would never have with his mom in this timeline.

But it had been  _fine_ , and by the time Steve and Bucky had returned to the base, Tony hadn’t been sad anymore– for the first time in years, he had smiled on Christmas, and that was something of a miracle.

“I think we should do something to celebrate.” Peggy was saying, and Tony pulled himself back to the moment. “Not only because we all missed Christmas but because we are in a bit of a holding pattern as far as the teams next movements, and are waiting for word from Berlin before we can move again.”

“What did you have in mind?” Steve asked, feeling under the table until he could grab at Tony’s hand, squeezing it comfortingly. All that time they had spent together, and Tony had never once brought up his parents and it made Steve sad. “We are free to leave base but we shouldn’t go too far–”

“Well there is a fair about half a days journey to the east.” Peggy suggested quickly. “Nothing too large, just a winter festival and a Founders Celebration for the town. We could go and spend the night and if anything happens we can be back at base within a few hours or picked up if need be.”

“A fair could be fun.” Bucky’s eyes lit up. “You like fairs, Tony? I could win ya a prize like all the fella’s back home do for their sweetheart.”

“Yeah?” Tony booped at his nose playfully. “Maybe I’ll win  _you_ a prize. I can throw a baseball, knock a few pins down. Win you a nice big teddy bear with a giant bow, spoil you real nice. How does that sound?” Bucky  _grrr’d_ at him teasingly, his hands held up like claws and Tony laughed before pointing at Steve sternly, “Steve  _you_ can’t play though. All that serum running through you isn’t fair.”

“I resent that.” Steve protested. “I might be enhanced, but I’m not going to cheat! I’ll only use half my skill!”

“Ain’t skill if it came outta a bottle, Stevie.” Bucky complained. “No way, you gotta throw like you used’ta before all of this!”

“I thought he couldn’t throw before.” Tony stage whispered, and Bucky replied, “That’s exactly my point!”

“Don’t worry Captain.” Peggy winked at Steve. “I am perfectly capable of winning my own prizes and several for you as well so you don’t have to feel as if you are  _cheating_ in any way. Shall I see about a hotel then?” she raised her eyebrows before adding, “I think only  _two_ rooms this time, don’t you?”

Steve inhaled an unhealthy amount of his beer, and Bucky and Tony exchanged  _very_ surprised looks.

For all the hold handing and kissing Steve and Peggy had been doing, there had been nothing more than that, Tony was sure of it. Steve had never spent the night in Peggy’s room, they were never out past curfew– and now Peggy wanted to only have two rooms? She knew very well that Steve wouldn’t want to stay in the room with Tony and Bucky which could only mean…

 _My my Aunt Peggy_. Tony thought.  _The things the history books don’t tell us_.

“We should get a room far away from theirs.” Bucky muttered and Tony grinned.

_This was going to be an interesting trip to the fair._


	13. Chapter 13

The fair, or Founders Festival, or whatever it was called, was quite simply the most charming thing Tony had ever seen in his entire life.

The town was nothing less than picturesque, tucked away in a valley spread between rolling hills, the streets still decorated with wreaths and lights that were no doubt left over from the holidays, spruced up so they would be fresh for the fair.

Music played through the crisp air, quartets set up at several corners, street performers with their own instruments roaming around and playing for coins. In the town square, booths were set up with games, contests to win trinkets, vendors selling sweet pies and savory snacks, spun candy and sodas.

Children raced around screaming in excitement, their mothers following after with words of warning. The men were posted up with drinks and cigars to watch the festivities, bundled up against the cool night air. There were several soldiers still in their uniforms, obviously local boys who were home on leave, calling out to their neighbors, waving when the children shouted  _hellos_ at them.

Steve bought Peggy a soda, smiling when her nose wrinkled over the fizz, and bending down to kiss her forehead when she offered him a drink. “This was a great idea, thank you.”

“Captain Rogers.” Peggy’s cheeks pinked, but her tone was lofty as she replied, “I  _always_ have great ideas, thank you very much.”

“What was I thinking?” Steve grinned and took her hand. “Come on, I’ll go win you a prize from one of these things.”

“No cheating, Stevie!” Bucky called as he bought he and Tony sodas as well, offering it to Tony with a rueful smile. “Sorry, Tony. You and I can’t share without people noticing.”

“I didn’t want your spit in my drink anyway.” Tony said calmly, and when Bucky looked affronted, he winked, hooking their pinky fingers for a split second before they started trailing after Peggy and Steve.

“Wish we could do that.” Bucky sounded wistful, watching Steve kiss Peggy again before tucking her closer to his side, Peggy touching her hair self consciously before seeming to relax against him, no space between them at all as they wandered through the festival.

“Come here.” Tony ducked into a side street, heading down the cobblestones until they were far enough away from the festival that the lights didn’t quite reach them.

“Tony, what–” Bucky chuckled when Tony pushed him up against the wall and then snuggled into his chest as tight as he could, pressing his palms against Bucky’s chest so he could feel the soldier’s heartbeat, tucking his nose into Bucky’s neck.

“What’r ya doin’ sugar?” Bucky sounded a little hoarse, but he didn’t hesitate to fit his hand to the back of Tony’s neck, his other arm wrapped securely around Tony’s waist. “You alright?”

“Well yeah.” Tony budged even closer. “I just thought you wanted to cuddle. You sounded all jealous about Steve and Peggy so–”

“I was wishin’ we could do it in  _public_ , honey.” Bucky pressed a kiss to his hair. “That we could share a soda and hold your hand and no one would think anything about it.”

“What’s so important about being able to be  _public_?”

“I just want to be able to show you off.” Another kiss, lingering over Tony’s ear, the soft spot right behind it. “That’s all.”

“I’ve been in several very public relationships.” Tony tilted his head so Bucky would do it again. “I’m kind of enjoying being out of the limelight this time around.”

“You’re sure?” A scrape of teeth over his pulse. “I never want to hide you, Tony. If I could, I’d tell everyone that I lo–” Tony stood on his toes and covered Bucky’s mouth in a hard kiss, stopping him from saying anything else. “Tony, wait–”

“Later.” A hand over Bucky’s mouth to quiet him. “ _Later_ , soldier. We have a hotel room, remember? A big bed, thick walls, lights.” Bucky grinned and Tony added, “A shower? Maybe a bathtub? Let’s save all that for later, yeah?”

“Well, what should we do in the meantime?”

“ _You_ –” Tony squeezed his hand before stepping away. “–are going to go waste money on fair games and win me stuffed animals.  _Then_ you are going to buy me candies and sweets and whatever that thing was that smelled like meat flavored heaven.”

“Then what?” Bucky couldn’t resist tracing Tony’s face with his fingertips, brushing over his cheek lightly. “Hm?”

“Then we will wander around and listen to music, watch Steve make a fool of himself with Peggy– it should be a good night.” Tony turned over and lay a quick kiss on Bucky’s palm. “Right?”

“And then the hotel.” Bucky’s eyes went hot and hazy and Tony swallowed back a squeak. “Right? Bed, thick walls,  _lights_?”

“Lights.” he repeated. “Uh yep.  _Definitely_ lights.  _Lots_ of lights.”

“Come on, baby doll.” Bucky bumped their noses together. “Let’s go find Stevie. If I stand here thinking about  _lights_ for too long I won’t be real decent for the public so–”

Tony looked down to see exactly how  _indecent_ Bucky was and Bucky started laughing, dragging him back towards the street. “It was your idea to wait until later, sugar. Let’s go win a teddy bear.”

They found Steve and Peggy at a strength test machine, the attendant goading Steve to try it, Steve politely trying to turn him down.

“Come on, soldier.” he cajoled. “Surely a big man like you could try, it would impress the pretty lady, win you a prize?” he spread his hands encouragingly. “Huh? I tell you what, I’ll even lighten the resistance! Give you a chance to  _really_ impress her!”

Steve was obviously uncomfortable, not wanting to be rude to the hopeful attendant, but also not about to do a strength test when one well placed swing from him could shatter the game completely. 

“For Pete’s sake, Stevie!” Bucky said loudly, drawing the attention away from Steve and onto him. “I’ll win Peggy a prize if you don’t want to!”

“Oh my hero.” Peggy chuckled, a light hand on Steve’s arm so he would know she didn’t really mean it. “Yes, someone  _please_ win me a prize. I’m afraid Steve’s been much too conservative with his soldier’s pay and I have no trinkets yet!”

“What a shame.” Bucky winked at Peggy before rolling up his sleeves and grabbing the mallet. “But if I win you something, you have to promise me a dance alright?”

“That would only be fair.” she agreed, eyes twinkling. “But first let’s see if you can actually win me anything.”

“Oh sure thing.” Bucky waggled his eyebrows and Peggy giggled and Tony felt a little twinge of happiness in his chest because Bucky hadn’t called her _sweet thing._

 _That’s Bucky’s name just for me_. He thought proudly, and then mentally rolled his eyes at himself for loving something so ridiculous.

Bucky said something snarky to Steve, who responded by kicking rocks in his direction, and when Bucky laughed out loud, Tony felt another little twinge.

 _Yeah. Loving something ridiculous_.

“This is for you, sugar.” Bucky was saying, and Tony looked up in time to see Bucky staring right over Peggy’s head at him. “Prepare to be amazed.”

“I’m fully prepared.” Peggy teased, knowing full well Bucky was talking to Tony, and Steve groaned just to add to the effect, grateful that Bucky had stepped in to take care of the awkward situation. 

“Show us how it’s done, soldier.” Tony bumped into Steve. “Since this one obviously isn’t playing nice tonight.” 

“I think that’s quite enough of that joke.” Steve said dryly, and motioned to Bucky. “Go on. Let’s see what you got.” 

Bucky swung down and hit the spring hard, and the bell at the top rang loudly as the puck crashed into it. 

“Whoo!” Tony cheered, and Peggy clapped her hands as the attendant handed her a large bear. “Look at  _you_ , Sergeant Barnes! No wonder Steve didn’t want to go up against you.” 

“Yea well, I’d do just about anything for a pretty face.” Bucky teased, and when Steve shoved at him, Bucky shoved right back. “And what a coincidence, I hear music, and you definitely owe me a dance, Ms. Carter. Shall we?”

He grabbed Peggy’s hand before she could protest and took off towards the music with her in tow, heading towards the crowd of people dancing and leaving Steve and Tony behind.

“Damn, Spangles, you’re going to let him take off with Peggy like that?” Tony snarked at Steve, jabbing at his ribs. “The rumours on base are that Sergeant Bucky Barnes can charm the pants off of  _anyone_ , you gonna to take that risk with your girl?”

“Tony, if there’s one thing I’m not worried about–” Steve reached around Tony to snag a bag of sweets, pushing a rumpled bill across to the vendor. “– it’s Bucky trying to steal my  _girl_ , yeah?”

“Maybe.” Tony snatched the bag and started picking through it for a piece he wanted. “But dancin’? Everyone falls for the person they are dancing with, don’t matter who they’re into, ya know? Can’t help but love someone when you’re up against them like that.” 

“It’s funny when you talk like Bucky.” Steve said off handedly. “After you two spend a night together you always sound like you grew up in our neighborhood. Different from how you talked when we first met you.”

“Yeah well these days,  _you_ talk like you went through a charm school, so someone has to talk like they’re from Brooklyn.” Tony retorted. “And I don’t really talk like Bucky I just–”

“You do.” Steve took the back bag. “It’s cute, though, don’t worry. And I bet Bucky sure loves it.”

“I’m sure he does.” Steve handed him a candy and Tony popped it in his mouth before adding, “You talk Brooklyn to Peggy when you’re being sweet with her? I bet she just melts for that, British girl like her having a boy say filthy things in a sexy American accent Ooh la la Captain Rogers, I do  _declare_.” 

“I don’t say filthy things to her.” The shade of red Steve turned probably would have stopped his pre-serum heart and Tony laughed long and loud over it. “You don’t gotta laugh at me, Tony.  _Jerk_.”

“ _Punk_!” Tony socked him in the shoulder, still laughing. “I’m sure she loves whatever passes for your version of filthy talk just as much as she loves that All American booty and those pecs of justice.”

He blinked a few times when Steve choked on a hard candy, waiting with an amused expression until Steve spit it out.

“Tony!” Steve cried, wiping at his eyes as they started watering, wheezing, trying to catch his breath. “Why do you say things like that!”

“Oh come off it, Stevie.” Tony handed him a replacement piece to suck on. “You lived with me for a year,  _nothing_ I say should surprise you anymore.

“God you sounded a lot like Bucky right then.” Steve scowled at him. “And you’re right. Nothing you say should surprise me anymore, and yet here I am suffocating on a candy.”

“Suffocating and yet shoving another one in your mouth.” Tony corrected. “It’s almost as if Captain America has gotten reckless since the serum. But recklessness isn’t patriotic so that can’t be the– _ack!_ ” He yelped when Steve shoved him into one of the still decorated pine trees. “Steve!”

“I forgot how mouthy you are.” Steve yanked him back out, brushing the pine needles off his shoulders and jacket sleeves. “How did we ever live together while I was touring?”

“We didn’t  _live_ together.” Tony huffed, shaking his head to clear the rest of the needles from his hair. “I had a separate hotel room that you invaded whenever the hell you wanted to and took over most of my bed and ate my food without asking and stole my blankets and folded the pages down in my book instead of using a goddamn bookmark and–” he stopped mid sentence, cocking his head curiously. “Steve. Why are you looking at me like that?”

“I miss you, Tony.” Steve’s voice was very  _very_ soft, his eyes dark in the fading sunlight. “We never get to do this sort of thing anymore and I miss it. I miss  _you_.”

“What… sort of thing?” A little nervously, “What do you mean?”

“Just this.” Steve motioned between them. “We used to talk about everything and laugh over stupid things and tease and play pranks on each other and now we never do. I never get to talk to you anymore, or spend any time together when its just me and you.” 

“I guess that’s true, but you also used to dance on a stage while I made sure the fridge was stocked with Rocky Road ice cream.” Tony pointed out dryly. “Things have changed  _drastically_ since then. Of course we don’t do all the same things.” 

“But you do it all with Bucky.”

“Well yeah, but Bucky and I–”

“–are in love. I know.” A pause, Steve’s throat moving as he swallowed. “But that doesn’t mean  _I_  don’t miss you. Bucky and I’s friendship is the same as it’s always been, but  _you and I_  aren’t anymore and it… it–” he shrugged. “I miss you. That’s all.” 

“I miss you too, Steve.” Tony glanced around to make sure no one was paying attention before grabbing Steve’s hand for a quick squeeze. “But you wouldn’t go back to the USO just so we could eat ice cream together again, right?”

“Well no, of course not, but–”

“Because you’re  _happy_ now.” Tony kept holding Steve’s hand, angling his body so it wasn’t quite as obvious to any passer-bys. “Right? I mean, I remember all the good parts of last year, too. All the jokes and practices and late night ice cream runs and all that. But I  _also_ remember you going out with a different girl every night so you wouldn’t have to think about how miserable you were. I remember you waking up and showering and never looking at the mirror because you couldn’t handle looking at yourself. I remember you climbing into my bed and not being able to sleep because you were angry over how everything had gone down.”

Steve tightened his fingers around Tony’s and added. “Thinking the serum was wasted on me, that Dr. Erskine had died for nothing.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I remember  _all_ that. So as much as I miss our ice cream dates–” Tony grinned up at him. “–This is better, right?”

“Most parts of it are better.” Steve agreed, but he still sounded… forlorn. Or something. “But Tony don’t you think–” 

“This is better, except for the parts where Bucky is dancing with your girl, right?” Tony prodded him coaxingly. “Right?”

“Right.” Steve took the hint for what it was and changed the subject. “Let’s go find our others, huh?”

“Sounds like a good idea to me, Spangles.”

*******************

*******************

Bucky was tearing up the floor with Peggy, twisting and turning her every which way, laughing as Peggy shrieked and spun, her carefully placed hair pins coming loose and sending her hair tumbling around her shoulders.

“Man, she’s beautiful.” Steve said under his breath. “Look at her move.”

“She is beautiful.” Tony agreed, smiling at Peggy for an entirely different reason than Steve was.

He had never seen his Aunt dance, not once in all the years he had known her, and yet here she was, her skirt flying up around her knees, head tipped back as Bucky dipped her, feet moving just as fast as everyone else’s, obviously happy to be moving to the music.

Tony knew  _why_ she didn’t dance of course. Everyone knew the story of Peggy and Steve’s never-to-come-true date for a dance, the one they had planned over the comms as Steve was putting that damn plane down into the ice. Everyone knew that since that dance hadn’t come true, that Peggy had never really danced at all after that, and maybe she had never danced ever again.

It was a heartbreaking story, one that had made Tony sad when he was old enough to hear it for the first time, and it was  _worse_ now, seeing how much Peggy obviously loved to dance, seeing what she had given up because of a broken heart.

“You mind if I dance with your girl?” he asked Steve then, never taking his eyes of Peggy. “I can guarantee that my hands won’t wander and I definitely won’t whisper filthy things in her ear, no matter how  _Brooklyn_ my speech gets.”

“Go dance with her.” Steve shook his head with a grin. “I’m not worried about you stealing her. Not with Bucky looking at you every three seconds like he’s gonna rip your clothes off. Go on.”

“You want to dance with her first?” Tony offered. “Since Bucky’s been hogging her, and I’ll be hogging her in a minute?”

“I can’t dance, Tony, you know that.”

“I knew the ninety pound version of you couldn’t dance.” Tony corrected. “All that time shaking your money maker–”

“My  _what_!?”

“–You know exactly what I mean. All that time and you still can’t two step?”

“I wasn’t exactly  _dancing_ when I was in the USO, Tony. Not on stage or  _otherwise_ , if you catch my drift.”

It was Tony’s turn to cough a little and Steve cheesed a grin at him, satisfied with shocking Tony speechless.

“I have such a difficult time reconciling this gross, crude blonde with the pretty boy from all those posters.” Tony complained mock-mournfully. “What innocence has been lost to the ravages of war!”

“Don’t sound so upset.” He bumped at Tony’s shoulder. “I enjoyed losing my innocence.”

“Oh my god, I need a drink.” Tony groaned. “When Bucky lets Peggy go, tell her I’m waiting for a dance. You sit here and think about what a heathen you’ve become.”

The dance ended just as Tony was headed away to find a drink, Bucky depositing a laughing but exhausted Peggy back in Steve’s arms. “Oh my.” Peggy attempted to fix her disaster of a hair do, giggling as she pinned her curls back in place. “Sergeant Barnes, you do know how to show a girl a good time, don’t you?”

“Ma’am after a dance like that, I think you can jus’ call me Bucky. Drop them formalities an’ all.” he drawled, slow and easy and completely flirtatious, grinning when Peggy only wrinkled her nose at him. “What, you aren’t swayed by my charm?”

“Not quite swayed.” Peggy maintained, but her eyes were fond when she said. “Bucky.”

“Oh hey, there you are.” Tony reappeared with his beer and grabbed Peggy’s hand. “Can I have the next one?”

“Mr. Carbonell!” Peggy gasped as Tony dragged her back onto the dance floor. “Tony, I–”

“Come on.” Tony turned her in an easy spin, a careful arm around her waist. “I will never get a chance to do this again, not with two soldiers vying for your attention, let me have one dance. I can promise it won’t be quite as energetic as Bucky’s and not as romantic as anything you dance with Steve, so your feet won’t hurt and your virtue won’t be compromised.”

“Tony.” Peggy’s hand tightened on his shoulder as they went through another turn. “I am never one to complain about my feet hurting if it is because of dancing, and I’m not terribly worried about the Captain, because I would think a virtue can only be compromised once, hm? Or is there such a thing as  _re_ -compromising virtue?”

Tony stumbled in shock, damn near taking Peggy down with him, and she burst out laughing. “I was  _teasing_ , Tony. Your concern is very sweet and very charming.”

“My god.” Tony shook his head to attempt and clear the image of Steve Rogers  _compromising_ his Aunt’s virtue from his mind. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”

From the sidelines, Bucky asked, “Do you know your dame ain’t half as sweet as you think? Got a tongue like a viper, that one. Mouth on her too.”

“I know.” Steve raised his eyebrows when Peggy leaned in and said something to Tony that had him stumbling and her laughing over it. “That’s one of my favorite things about her. She is all buttoned up and prim and proper and never says a wrong word to anyone, but when she can relax and let her hair down a little, she is wonderful. Reminds me a lot of Tony, actually. Snarky and quick-witted.”

“Beautiful.” Bucky added.

“Kind-hearted.”

“Mouthy.”

“ _Hilarious_.”

“Great cuddler.”

“I wouldn’t really know.” Steve said with a wry smile. “Peggy and I have spent exactly one night together, and I spent it on the couch–” he rolled his eyes in exasperation when Bucky snorted. “– she’s a proper dame when it comes to that sorta thing, Buck. I’m gonna wait however long she needs.”

“We only rented two rooms for the night, Stevie.” Bucky reminded him, watching his best friend out of the corner of his eye, smirking when Steve turned a wonderfully predictable shade of red.

“Yeah.” Steve nodded, his jaw clenching. “That’s all I’ve been thinking about all evening. But thanks for the reminder, Buck, that’s real swell of you.”

“Don’t tell me your nervous?” he asked incredulously. “Stevie! Tony says you had lots of experience when you were still the Star Spangled Man with a Plan. Why are you  _nervous_?”

Steve watched as Tony and Peggy twirled by talking quietly, a fond smile on Tony’s face as he looked down at Peggy. “First time together when you love someone… always seems more important, you know?”

“Well, we  _all_ know you two love each other.” Bucky asked, knocking their shoulders together. “You gonna tell her tonight? Make it official?” 

“I’m thinking about it.” Steve took a deep breath. “Sure seems like the right time. Having a good night at the fair, leave from work, the war seems real far away tonight. Good a time as any to say that sort of thing, right?”

“Yep.” Bucky nodded slowly as he watched Tony go by again. “Good a time as any to say that sorta thing.”

***************

***************

“Oh a photo booth!” After dancing with Bucky and then Tony, and then once more with Bucky, Peggy had begged off of any more, saying her feet would surely start bleeding if she didn’t get out of her heels for a few minutes.

Now they were wandering around the fair again, Peggy having switched her heels out for a pair of flats that Steve bought her in a little store, snacking on sweet things and counting the stars as they came out above the hills.

“A photo booth.” Steve lowered his brows stubbornly as Peggy started dragging him towards the booth. “Why do we need one of those?”

“So we could have a picture together!” Peggy insisted. “Come on!”

“There are entirely too many pictures of me out in the world right now.” Steve protested. “No one needs more! My face is everywhere!”

“His face, his legs, that stupid cheesy grin.” Tony added. “The tights, the romper, the thumbs up–”

“ _Anyway_!” Peggy interrupted, tugging at Steve again. “I would like a picture of you and I, and perhaps the four of us. Something to remember this time together since we spend so much time apart.” She was pleading, batting her eyelashes and staring up at Steve with her lips pursed, standing close enough to press against his body. “Don’t you think that would be nice?”  

Steve gave in instantly, smiling and hugging Peggy close and herding her towards the photo booth right away. “It’s a wonderful idea, honey, I’m so glad you suggested it.” 

“ _Wow_.” Tony sounded impressed. “I wish  _I_  had feminine wiles to use to get whatever I wanted.”

“Don’t worry, doll.” Bucky winked at him. “You can bat your eyelashes at me and rub against me like that an’ I’ll give ya anything ya want.”

“You keep talking like a Brooklyn boy and I’ll give  _you_ anything you want.” Tony returned and Bucky wet his lips, looking like he wanted to lean down and kiss him and frowning when he remembered– _again_ –that he couldn’t, not in public, and not in front of other people.

“Tony–”

“Later, soldier.” Tony promised, smiling so Bucky would stop looking so sad, pushing him towards the photo booth too. “ _Later_. Let’s take a picture with these two goofs right now and we can see how the rest of the night goes.”

“Get in here guys!” Steve pushed the curtain aside and motioned for them. “Let’s take a couple pictures!”

The four of them crowded into the booth, Peggy sitting on Steve’s lap and Bucky and Tony squeezed in tight, all of them with big smiles as the camera flashed a few times, and then Steve kicked them out so he could get one just with Peggy.

“They are so good together.” Tony murmured when he caught a glimpse of them kissing as the curtain fell back over the door. “I bet Steve’s nervous about tonight, huh? First time sharing a room together?”

“You wanna take a picture together, Tony?” Bucky wasn’t even listening to what Tony was saying, studying the examples of photos on the board outside the booth. “One of just me and you?”

“I–” Tony hesitated. “Aren’t you worried about people seeing it?”

“We could just sit next to each other.” Bucky rushed to say. “Just smilin’ or whatever. Nothin’ that anyone would notice. I’d just like a picture of you to take with me, put it in my uniform.”

Peggy and Steve exited the booth, both looking flushed and happy, completely in their own world as they stared into each others eyes.

“Come on.” Bucky grabbed Tony’s hand and ducked into the booth, drawing the curtain and hooking it through the loops so it stayed shut and no one could peek in. “Come here and sit with me honey, let’s take a couple pictures.”

“Okay fine.” Tony fussed with his hair in the small mirror provided. “But if I look terrible in these we are going to take another set. I’m not letting you carry around a picture of me where I look goofy and your look great.”

“Tony.” Bucky murmured, turning so he could rub his nose in Tony’s hair. “You always look wonderful, don’t worry about it.”

“Smile!” Tony threw his arm around Bucky’s shoulders and grinned as the camera flashed. “How was that? Were you smiling?”

“Come here and let me kiss you real quick.” Fully meaning to get platonic pictures, but unable to resist being close, Bucky tilted Tony’s chin up. “Sweetheart–” 

 _Flash_.

“Bucky–” Tony sucked in a quick breath when Bucky’s hand slid around to the back of his neck, bringing him close for a soft kiss. “I thought we were just taking a picture.”

“I want a picture like this too.” Came the reply, nearly inaudible against his lips, and Tony grabbed onto Bucky’s tie and yanked him close, crushing their mouths together.

 _Flash_.

“Well damn.” Bucky was panting, grinning when they broke apart a minute later, his tie a disaster, his hat pushed off and laying on the floor. “I thought we were just taking a picture!”

Tony snatched the hat from the floor and jammed it on his own head in time for the last flash to go off, Bucky laughing at him, Tony blushing bright red over the whole endeavor.

“There.” Tony gave him back the hat. “At least one of those has to be appropriate, right? I’ll keep the ones that aren’t, as well as throwing away any of them that I deem too goofy. I don’t need goofy pictures of me floating around.” 

“As if anyone as beautiful as you could ever take a goofy picture.” Bucky kissed him one more time, just for good measure. “Let’s go look at them.” 

**{{Photos done by the ever talented[@latelierderiot](https://tmblr.co/mCc7PMpHjJdA_in52-b15Lw)! Visit her page and tell her how much you loved them!}}**

“I love all of them.” Bucky held the strip of photos up for Tony to see. “What do you think?” 

“I think they’re the best pictures I’ve ever taken.” Tony agreed. “We should get back to the hotel though, and act out that third one for a little longer, huh?” 

“Oh sure thing, sweet thing.” Bucky tucked the photos into his pocket. “You don’t gotta tell me twice.”

*****************

*****************

“Should I leave you for the night?” Steve’s heart was in his throat when he paused by the door to Peggy’s room, not daring to cross the threshold until she invited him,  _wanting_ but not going to presume anything at all.

“I only rented two rooms, Captain Rogers.” Peggy said quietly, slipping her shoes off and padding across the carpet in her stocking feet, taking pins from her hair as she did and letting the curls fall around her shoulders. “And I have it on good faith that the other room is  _quite_ full, so it is simply prudent for us to share this one, wouldn’t you think?”

“Prudent.” Steve cleared his throat and stepped into the room, locking the door behind him. “Is that what we are calling this?”

“What would you call it?” Peggy poured a glass of water and took a sip, watching him over the rim. “Hm?”

“What would I call it?” Steve put his hat down on the dresser, loosening his tie as he crossed the small room to stand in front of her, tucking a curl behind her ear and smiling when she blushed over it. “I’d call this a chance to show my best girl how much I love her.”

“How much you love me.” Her eyes went wide. “Captain–”

“Steve.” he corrected, bringing his other hand up to frame her face. “When it’s just you and I, call me–”

“Darling.” Peggy whispered and Steve nearly melted, pressing their foreheads together and wrapping his arms around her waist. “ _Darling_ , I love you too. But you know that, don’t you? You just like to hear me say it.”

“I do like to hear you say it.” Steve agreed, inching closer until they were touching from toes to chest. “Say it again.”

“I love you.” Peggy tilted her head back when Steve’s lips found her throat, murmuring soft things against her pulse. “Steve–”

“I promise I’m never going to get tired of hearing you say my name.” He moved them backwards until Peggy’s knees met the bed. “And I’m always going to love you, Peggy.”

“Don’t make promises you aren’t prepared to keep.” Peggy stood on her toes so Steve could get to the zip on her skirt, shivering over his low moan when it slid down her legs and he could touch her, the calloused tips of his fingers trailing over the tops of her thighs. “Isn’t fair to get a girls hopes up just to let her down.”

“I intend to keep every promise I make to you.” Steve lifted her easily, laying her out on the bed and bending over to kiss her for a long moment. “Every single one of them, starting with this one.”

“What one is that?” Peggy watched the dark blue eyes glaze over with want as button after button came undone on her blouse until it lay open against her chemise. “Which promise do you intend to make right now?”

“I’m gonna treat you good tonight.” Steve swore. “And when this war is all over, I’m gonna treat you good for the rest of my life. You’re  _always_ gonna be my best girl.”

Peggy’s eyes glittered with unshed tears, and when she pulled him down for a kiss it was full of longing and  _love_ and all the things that words couldn’t quite say. 

Steve rolled them over so she was on top, settled over him in just her stockings and nearly sheer chemise. “I love you.” he whispered, running his hands up her legs to smooth over the curve of her hips and up to her waist. “Let me show you how much.”

*******************

*******************

“What do you think Steve is doing?” Tony started undressing, tossing his clothes aside so he could take a shower. “You think Peggy’s making him work for it? Or is going easy on him?” 

“Stevie’s probably having an asthma attack.” Bucky retorted, stripping off his tie and kicking his shoes off as well. “What?” he asked when Tony sent him an incredulous look. “It’s happened before. Girl takes her blouse off, Steve needs his cough medicine. I’m pretty sure the serum didn’t cure  _all_ of that, he’s definitely still dumb around the pretty girls.”

“When it comes to Peggy, probably.” Tony agreed. “But they sure are beautiful together, aren’t they?”

“ _We’re_ beautiful together.” Bucky corrected, and brought Tony in for a slow kiss. “When you get out of the shower I’ll tell you all about it.”

“Tell me all about it?” Tony raised his eyebrows. “You got something special planned for tonight, soldier?”

“You could say that.” Bucky linked their fingers and brushed his lips over Tony’s knuckles. “But you’ll have to wait and see. Have a nice shower.”

“Maybe I’ll skip my shower.” Tony wrinkled his nose. “I want to know what you meant by–”

“Have a nice shower.” Bucky repeated. “A nice, long, slow,  _thorough_ shower.” he added meaningfully. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, alright.  _Thorough_. Definitely.” Tony walked backwards all the way to the shower, and Bucky watched him go with a teasing smile, calling for Tony to “Lock the door!” once he got in there.

As soon as the lock turned, Bucky started moving, drawing the curtains and setting candles up on all the furniture, setting the bed so it would look inviting, dimming the lights, opening the bottle of wine he had gotten from the bar down the street.

Tonight had to be perfect.

Tonight was the night he asked Tony to be  _his_.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um... tissues. 
> 
> There's your warning. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> ( or cry.... lol) (I did)

Tony stepped from the shower and into a room lit only with candlelight, slow music playing from the radio in the corner, Bucky standing in front of him holding a small bouquet of wildflowers. **  
**

“What…” Tony glanced at the locked door, the shut curtains, the wine at the table, then up to meet Bucky’s eyes. “What’s going on, Brooklyn? What’s with the flowers and the–the candles and the wine?”

“Stevie said ya liked wild flowers.” Bucky held out his bouquet shyly. “Or that you admired them? Something about them not having any rules. Anyway, I got you some.”

“When did you get me flowers?” Tony bit at the inside of his cheek, trying not to smile so big as he took the bouquet and breathed in deep. “Just now when I was in the shower? Is that why you told me to be slow and  _thorough_?”

“Well, it ain’t the  _only_ reason.” Bucky’s cheeks were dark pink even in the candle light and Tony  _melted_ over it. “But it worked out, didn’t it? You– you like wild flowers, right? Or did Stevie give me bad advice?”

“I love them.” Tony turned and padded towards the small kitchenette, filling a cup with water and arranging the flowers carefully. “But I feel like I must have missed an anniversary or a birthday for you to be doing all this, and I’m notoriously bad with dates so you gotta fill me in on what– _oh_!”

He startled when Bucky grabbed his hand, pulling him back towards the middle of the room and putting an arm around his waist. “Come and dance with me, baby.”

“You want to dance? Bucky! I’m in a towel!” Tony protested, but it was half hearted at best, a quick re-arrangement of the terry cloth so it wouldn’t fall off his hips. “You don’t have to do all this work to get me into bed you know, I told you– apparently all it takes is baby blues and a killer smile and that ridiculous Brooklyn drawl and I’m  _yours_.”

“I know how easy ya are, sweetheart.” Bucky smoothed a lock of hair away from Tony’s face,  _sproinging_ the loose curl gently. “But tonight isn’t jus’ about getting ya in bed. Otherwise I would’ve just snatched you in the shower, yeah?”

“At least let me put some pants on.” Tony kissed Bucky’s palm, rubbing his nose against the callouses. “Hotel towels aren’t the sexiest or the most practical clothing choice if we’re going to be two-stepping.”

“I’m in bare feet.” Bucky countered. “With my shirt half undone. Ain’t like we’re dancing so anyone can see, Tony, and I wasn’t lookin’ to do anything half as exciting as a two-step. I just want to hold ya, move to the music a little bit.”

“Alright, soldier.” Tony moved closer, putting a hand on Bucky’s shoulder. “But consider yourself warned. Someone wise once said that people always fall for the person they dance with and that can be scary if it’s not what you’re looking for.”

“Did  _you_ say that, Tony?” The hand at Tony’s waist tightened as Bucky started moving, slow stepping to the music, drawing Tony into a circle with him.“Because it sounds an awful lot like something you’d sass at Stevie while I was dancin’ with his girl.”

“I…might have said that.” Tony hedged. “I mean, it sounds like awfully good advice and I have been known to give good advice. You know, like about how certain people like wild flowers?”

“You do give pretty good advice.” Another turn, dancing close enough that their chests brushed. “So, do you believe what you told Steve? That you always fall for the person you’re dancin’ with?”

“You already know the answer to that, Bucky bear.” Tony  _eeped_ a little when Bucky bent him over into a dip, grasping at his towel frantically as it started slipping.

“I do know the answer.” The pale blue eyes were lit mischievously, but something darker, more serious, lay underneath and Tony swallowed hard as his heart started beating faster. “But I sure like hearin’ ya say it.”

“Yeah.” Tony wet his lips and Bucky smiled, slow and knowing, the hand at Tony’s waist inching the towel down a little bit further. “Yeah, I’m falling for you, Buck. Already fell, actually. Just about gone on you.”

“Just about?” Bucky whispered, bringing Tony back up to standing, their noses bumping lightly.

“Completely.” Tony amended. “ _Completely_ gone on you.”

“I’m completely gone on you too, sweet thing.” Bucky closed the distance between them, touching a barely there kiss to Tony’s mouth. “And I can think of about a hundred different ways to show you.”

{{ **[Concept Fan Art! Drawn before the scene was written but still so pretty!](https://not-close-to-straight.tumblr.com/post/176710816283/zuretha-metal-there-is-no-other-reason-for-this)** }}

************

************

“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were trying to get me drunk.” Tony took a drink right from the wine bottle, grinning when Bucky leaned in to lick the drops from his lips. “Is that what’s happening here?”

“I have no idea why you’d think that.” Bucky took a drink of his own, then returned the bottle to the table in favor of putting both his arms back around Tony, not so much dancing now as they were swaying to the music, drunk and giggling and trading longer and longer kisses.

It was hazy and hot in the room, the candles lighting their eyes, softening the lines of their bodies, hiding the corners of their suite until it was just the two of them surrounded by a flickering glow.

The radio was still playing something slow and easy, the music nothing more than a background to the sweet things Bucky was whispering in Tony’s ear, the way Tony laughed and sassed back at him until Bucky kissed him harder just to shut him up.

A moan from Tony as Bucky’s teeth found his pulse, worrying a dark bruise onto the clear skin. Bucky dropping his head to Tony’s chest when his belt came free and Tony reached down to tug at his zipper, palming over the jut of Bucky’s hip bone before moving lower. Nothing more than a shaky sigh when Bucky took a few steps back and fell onto the bed with Tony on top of him, tangling his fingers in Tony’s hair and whispering, “Like this, baby doll, can I have ya like this?”

Clothes came off quickly after that, Tony’s towel whipped off and tossed across a chair, Bucky’s shirt shoved off his shoulders and his pants hanging somewhere off the edge of the bed, both of them gasping at that first press of  _naked_ , always overwhelmed when their bodies lined up, unable to keep from moving against each other as they kissed.

Snark from Tony, “Aren’t you just the over-prepared Boy Scout?” when Bucky drizzled something slick and sweet smelling into his palm before searching low between Tony’s legs, and Bucky, as sweet as ever, putting as much Brooklyn into his words as he could just to make Tony smile, “Jus’ want ya to feel good, baby doll, don’t ever want to hurt ya.”

Tony didn’t think he’d ever get used to being scar-free, to being shirtless and have someone staring without feeling self conscious about the mess that the arc reactor had left on his body, but here in the candle light Bucky stared at him like he was priceless and  _perfect_ and when Tony tossed his head back and groaned over the  _stretch_ , Bucky’s words were almost lost– “God, you’re perfect, Tony. Never seen anything half as beautiful as you.”

“You’re one to talk.” A sharp inhale when Bucky thrust up to meet him, fit as tight as they could be, Tony’s nails scratching down Bucky’s chest as he tried to catch his breath. “Have you  _seen_ you lately? Where did all these muscles come from? If I were you I’d spend hours looking in the mirror.”

“Ain’t got time to look in the mirror.” Bucky ran his hands up Tony’s thighs, ghosting over his cock, squeezing at his waist, skipping up his ribs before one landed over his heart, the other tangling in his thick hair to pull him down for a kiss. “Been too busy looking at you, sugar.”

“Damn it.” Tony groaned when Bucky lifted beneath him, moving his body in a slow roll that had them both seeing stars. “You’d think after all this time I’d be used to you being sappy and romantic but it gets me every time.”

“I hope you never get used’ta it.” Bucky’s voice was rough as he held Tony steady to flip them in the bed. “I hope you never get tired of me bein’ sweet with ya.”

“I won’t–” Tony shivered when Bucky took his wrists in one big hand and pinned them up above his head. “Ah  _fuck_ , I um– I–” a helpless sigh when Bucky started moving inside him again, withdrawing until he could rub the head of his cock against Tony’s hole before stroking back in as far as he could, pressing at Tony until neither of them could even breathe, Tony’s legs tight around Bucky’s waist, leaving kisses across each other’s forehead, dotting across cheeks, down noses, along jaw lines.

Tony kept tugging at his wrists, wanting to be free enough to touch, to  _grab_ , to feel Bucky beneath his palms but Bucky whispered a firm  _no, no baby let me just have you. Let me have this, just for tonight._

Tony went pliant beneath him, and Bucky– “Thank you for trusting me.”

“Of course I trust you.” Tony whispered, tilting his chin up so Bucky would kiss him, nibbling at his bottom lip, sucking on Bucky’s tongue as it slid and curled through his mouth. “Bucky, I–”

“We’ve been saying a lot of things, doll.” Bucky tightened his hold on Tony’s wrists just briefly, long enough that Tony knew to leave them there at the head board, and then he sat back on his heels, his thrusts shallow now, a hand on Tony’s lower stomach to keep him still when Tony writhed over the intense but not  _full enough_ feel.

“We’ve been saying a lot of things.” Bucky repeated, swiping over the head of Tony’s cock and licking the wet from his thumb, loving the way Tony’s eyes dilated over it all. “Sometimes with our words, mostly with our actions and we seem to be better at the action thing, so let me try that way first, yeah?”

“Just…listen.” Bucky bent back over him, snapping his hips forward, and Tony  _wailed_ over being full again,  _so_ full, so  _perfectly_ — “Bucky, Bucky, Bucky–!”

“ _Shhh_.” Bucky ground against him roughly and Tony’s cry ended in a squeak. “Just  _listen_ , sugar, listen to what I’m trying to tell ya, huh? Let me try to say it like this, then I’ll use my words.”

******************

******************

“Tony.” Bucky brushed a curl from Tony’s cheek and kissed him. “You still with me?”

“Barely.” Tony tried to grin, but was too tired, too wine drunk, too  _satisfied_ to even manage that. “How about you?”

“Still somewhere up in the stars, baby doll.” Bucky settled back on the bed and opened his arms, smiling when Tony rolled over nearly on top of him, one long leg thrown carelessly over Bucky’s hips, Tony’s head resting on Bucky’s heart, fingers drawing idle patterns on a flat stomach, sighing happily when Bucky flexed for him.

“That was amazing.” After a long minute, Tony snuggling closer and yawning. “Who knew I could go twice like that?”

“Had to work for the second one, didn’t we?” Bucky combed through Tony’s hair lazily. “First one was easy as hell. You’d think I’d been neglectin’ ya the way you came for me.”

“Maybe you’re just good like that.” Tony yawned and bit down lightly at Bucky’s nipple, laughing when the soldier jumped and cursed. “ _Or_ you could take it as me suffering from neglect, and try to make it up to me for a third time in some spectacular way.”

“The second one wasn’t spectacular?” Bucky shifted onto his side, moving Tony as well so he could spoon up behind him, pulling the blankets up and over their waists. “It  _sounded_ spectacular.”

“How was  _your_ second one?” Tony countered. “There is every chance I was faking so you would feel good about yourself.”

“Tony.” Bucky buried his face in Tony’s hair so his laughter wouldn’t be so loud. “You couldn’t have faked that if you tried. No way.”

“You’re right.” Tony pushed his butt back in an obvious gesture, smiling to himself when he felt the thick cock throb behind him, Bucky still ready and willing to go after two rounds with each other. “I wasn’t faking. It  _was_ spectacular.”

“Oh my god.” A teasing bite on Tony’s neck, another at his ear lobe, and then not teasing at all–“So did you hear what I was tryna tell you?”

Tony closed his eyes, took a deep breath. “Yeah. Yeah, Buck, I heard you loud and clear.”

“Well I’m gonna say it out loud anyway.” Bucky leaned in so he was whispering right in Tony’s ear. “I’m not gonna be a soldier forever, you know? When the war’s over, I’m gonna go back to th’ city and clean out the apartment, buy a little house some place where trees and grass grow, maybe some place upstate by a river or a little lake. Get a dog, a cat, couple apple trees. Something with a front porch where I can see the sun rise in the morning, watch it set at night. A few rooms, small kitchen, just enough room for me– and enough room for  _you_ , if you wanted.” 

Hesitating, “Does that– does that sound like somethin’ you want, Tony? It wouldn’t be nothin’ fancy but it could be  _ours_. We could be together without worryin’ about who’s watching or who’s sayin’ what or–”

“Bucky.” Tony bit into his tongue until it nearly bled, trying not to cry. “Buck that sounds– I mean, I–”

Bucky eased Tony onto his back, staring down at him in the fading light. “Tony, M’not tryna pressure you, or anything like that but you need to know how I feel, and I wanted to make sure you knew before–”

“I love you.” Tony blurted and surged up to crush their mouths together. “Bucky, I  _love_ you.”

“I love you too.” Bucky kissed him back just as hard, clutching at Tony almost desperately, breaking apart only when they had to breathe, then diving right back in together, rolling in the bed until the blankets were twisted around their legs, the pillows scattered around the bed.

“Tony.” Bucky sucked in a deep breath, stilling Tony’s hand where it was headed below his waist. “Tony, darlin’, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Tony’s whiskey warm eyes were soft,  _melting_ with the truth of his words. “Soldier, I–” another kiss, lingering over it together as they tried to calm down again.

“I wanna spend the rest of my life with you.” Bucky mumbled into Tony’s shoulder, sweet kisses over the freckles on his collarbone. “I know we’ve been apart a lot– I was gone for almost a whole year, and even now with the Commandos I’m gone for days at a time,  _weeks_ at a time. I know it’s been real difficult for ya, an’ I miss ya so much when we’re apart. But soon it’ll all be over an’ then I can take you home. All the time apart won’t be anything, Tony. It’ll all just fall away, jus’ like it did the first time, you understand? One day there won’t be nothin’ between us.”

“There’s nothing between us now.” Tony was losing the battle with his tears, and Bucky wiped them away. “Nothing but time, right?”

“Nothing but time b’tween us.” Bucky repeated solemnly. “Soon there won’t even be that. I promise. I  _promise_ ya, sweet thing. You’ll see. I’ll take care of you for the rest of our lives.”

“I’m going to hold you to that, Brooklyn.” Tony managed and tried to pretend his heart wasn’t breaking when Bucky smiled down at him. “You hear?” 

“It’s a promise I’m gonna keep.”

*******************

*******************

“You didn’t want me to say I loved you, when we were at the fair?” The question came from the door to the bathroom, Bucky standing there illuminated by the very last of the candles. “Why not?”

“No real reason.” Tony was putting the bed back together, straightening out the sheets and pillows.

“Tell me why.” Bucky turned the radio off, dumping the rest of the wine before he crawled in the bed. “Don’t get me wrong, m’glad we did it this way, but why?”

“I uh–” Tony chewed at the inside of his cheek before saying all in a rush. “I wanted it to be something that just belonged to  _us_ , you know? I mean, when history looks back at all this, at the war, at the Commandos, at Steve and at Steve’s right hand man– I don’t want everyone to know that at some fair in the middle of no where, Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes kissed a random guy and someone over heard them say  _I love you_.”

“I know you wish we could be public, that we don’t have to hide, that we could kiss and hold hands and no one would think twice about it.” Tony tucked close when Bucky lay back on the pillows. “But I love having the little moments where it’s just you and I. I don’t need anyone to know the way you smile when you say my name, or how you look when you kiss me, or how tight you hold me when we sleep.”

Bucky was quiet, and Tony placed a kiss over the soldier’s heart. “It’s not that I want to hide you, or hide us, or  _anything_ like that. It’s that I’m selfish, and there are some things that I want to just be mine. The first time we say I love you– that’s something I want to hoard away as just mine.”

“Hoard away.” Bucky was smiling, Tony could hear it in his voice. “Alright. I’m alright with that.”

“I’m going to hoard them whether you’re alright with it or not.” Tony leaned up to kiss Bucky’s cheek. “I love you.”

“Tony.” Bucky gathered him close, kissing his head, his cheek, anything he could reach. “I love you so much.”

****************

****************

Tony woke up to the morning sun, and both Steve and Peggy in his room, talking quietly with Bucky.

“Oh well, this isn’t awkward at all.” Tony sat up and stretched, flinching over the  _ache_ low in his core. “Did I forget to lock the door last night? Or do you guys always have early morning pow-wows while I’m still naked in bed?” 

“Oh my.” Peggy cleared her throat and glanced away while Steve rolled his eyes. 

“Sorry to wake you up, baby.” Bucky crossed the room to kiss him good morning, whispering, “Good and sore, huh?” when Tony flinched again. 

“ _So_  good and sore.” Tony mumbled, smiling wickedly when Bucky’s eyes blazed hot. “What’s going on? What’s with the meeting?” 

“I was apologizing to Sergeant Barnes for waking you so early with such bad news.” Peggy cut in. “I didn’t want to cut this trip short any more than you did, but the information we were waiting for came through and the team has to move out quickly.”  

“What?” Tony’s grabbed at the blankets nervously, something  _tight_ constricting in his chest. “What information? Bucky?”

“We found out where Dr. Zola is.” Steve supplied, blue eyes curious as he took in the various love bites on Tony’s neck, the flush from a night with Bucky that hadn’t quite faded yet. “It will take us about a week and a half to get everything in position, but the information says the only time he will really be vulnerable is when he’s on the train heading towards–”

“A train.” Tony repeated, and whatever was tight in his chest sank clear to his toes. “I– I see.”

“We’ve got to move now.” Steve said with a sympathetic glance between the two of them. “I wish we could have a little more time, but we’ve got to be ready as soon as word comes, so for the next few weeks we have to be on high alert.”

“You’re leaving.” Tony whispered and Bucky squeezed at his hand. “But Bucky–”

_I thought we had more time._

_I thought I had a couple more weeks._

_It isn’t time for this part of the story yet._

All last night as they had traded I love you’s and kisses and laughed together Tony had kept telling himself not to cry, that they could pretend the house in Upstate was a reality for a few more weeks. It wasn’t right yet. He knew the exactly day Bucky fell and it wasn’t for weeks and–

_I though we had more time._

“It’s alright, sugar.” Bucky started buttoning up his shirt, Peggy turning away discreetly. “Like Stevie says, it will be a few weeks of jus’ sittin’ around waitin’ but then we’ll go get him, take care of it all, and then I’ll be back.” 

“I don’t want you to go.” Tony whispered, hoping it didn’t come out as desperate as he felt. “Do you have to go?” 

“Tony, the information Dr. Zola can give us will end the war so much sooner.” Steve softened his voice, trying to be comforting since he could see how distraught Tony was. “I mean, he can give us HYDRA strongholds, their weapons, all of that. If the Commandos can strike right at the heart of HYDRA, it will slow down the Nazi’s to a crawl and then the Allies can press the advantage. We can start ending the war with this one mission, do you understand?” 

“Right.” Tony felt numb, dizzy, the words coming slowly. “No, that– that makes perfect sense. I get it.”

_I thought we had more time._

“I’ll give you two a minute.” Steve put his hand on Peggy’s waist and directed her out the door. “Meet you outside, Buck, just don’t be too long.” 

“Thanks, Stevie.”

The second the door closed, Bucky was back on the bed, pulling Tony close and kissing him comfortingly. “Don’t worry about it, Tony. Jus’ gonna catch us a train, drag that bastard Doctor out to face some justice, and before you know it you and I will be picking out a house up north, yeah?”

“Yeah.” Woodenly, Tony burying his face in Bucky’s shirt. “But Bucky–”

“You’ll see.” Bucky kissed his head, hugged him tight. “It’s all gonna be over so quick after this, and all the time we’ve spent apart will fall away– all those days and weeks, it will be gone and then there won’t even be time between us. Not time, not distance and certainly not–” a playful tug at the blankets. “Certainly not  _clothes_.”

“Bucky….”

“Smile for me.” Bucky coaxed, tilting his head up. “Come on, Tony. This is just like any other mission, don’t look so worried.” Tears glittered bright in his eyes, the intensity of their night together making it harder for him to be strong. “I don’t want to leave ya, I promise I don’t, but the sooner I leave, the sooner I can come back, and that’s all that matters.”

“Just make sure you  _do_ come back, Brooklyn.” Tony finally managed a smile, watery and not even half as bright as it usually was, and Bucky shook his head, pressing a firm kiss to Tony’s lips.

“I’ll come back to you, Tony. Don’t worry. You and Agent Carter hold things down here, and when I get back we’ll go out for a real celebration.”

“Okay.” Tony nodded as Bucky got off the bed to search for his shoes. “Yep. Peggy and I will take care of things in London and when–when you get back–”

“Here.” Bucky tore off the last picture on their strip of photos from the fair, handing the top three to Tony. “You hold on to these, I’ll keep this one right here–” tucking it in to the pocket over his heart. “And when this is all over we can match them back up.”

One last glance around the room to make sure he hadn’t forgotten anything, and Bucky leaned down for a parting kiss. “I love you, Tony.”

“I love you too.” Tony clenched his fists so he wouldn’t grab at Bucky’s jacket, forced himself not to beg Bucky to stay, held onto every shred of self control he had to keep himself from crying.

“I’ll see you soon, sweet thing.” Bucky winked and then he was gone, disappearing out the door and calling for Steve as he jogged down the hall.

Tony put his face into the pillow Bucky had slept on, breathing in the last remnants of his soldiers aftershave, the scent of his shampoo.

He knew this part of the story. He knew it so well, knew every word and every date and every line and every second of what was about to play out. 

He  _knew_ this part of the story. 

 _God_ he hated this part of the story.

_I thought we had more time._


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ....this is me apologizing in advance

The streets were silent, the lights dark, nothing but the wind blowing leaves across the cobblestones. **  
**

The bar was destroyed, seats broken to splinters, glass shattered across the floor, tables overturned and left to fall to pieces.

Tony had known that this is were he would find Steve, of course he had, but picking through the rubble to get to the door, ducking under the sign that was somehow still hanging from a peg, crossing the thresh hold to see the destruction– he still wasn’t ready to see Steve sitting there alone at the only table still standing, throwing back drink after drink and staring out at  _nothing_.

“Steve?” he asked, not sure how close he could get, not sure what to even say but knowing he had to say  _something_. “Steve?”

Steve looked up from the table, one hand wrapped around a glass, the other around a mostly empty bottle.

“Tony.”

The stories said that the bar had been bombed, hit in an attack, blown to smithereens and that Steve had sat in the middle of it all and mourned, but at this moment, looking into red rimmed eyes, a jaw clenched tight, Tony wondered if the bar hadn’t been bombed at all.

Maybe Steve had destroyed it.

“Do you want a drink?” Steve shoved the bottle towards Tony, set another chair up so Tony had a place to sit. “You might as well drink it, it isn’t doing anything for me.”

“I don’t want a drink.” Tony sat anyway, taking the bottle from the table and dropping it to the floor to lay with the rest of the debris. “Steve–”

“I can’t even get drunk, you know.” Steve interrupted, still staring out at the crumbling walls, at the darkness and shadows behind it. “The serum– something about my metabolism? Or my cells? I could drink half the bar and not even feel buzzed. That never bothered me before, why would I need to drink? But now, now when I want to be able to drink to maybe forget just a little bit? Have to be sober and deal with all of this.”

“Damn it.” Tony swiped his sleeve over his eyes and tried to clear his throat. “It’s– it’s not your fault, Steve. None of this, what happened? It’s not– not you’re fault.”

“Did you read the report?”

“Well yeah, but–”

“Then you know what happened.” Steve picked the bottle back up and tipped it back, draining the rest of the alcohol in just a few swallows. “And you  _know_ it’s my fault.”

“Bucky is–” something  _awful_ in Tony’s throat, turning the words to dust in his mouth. “Bucky  _was_ –”

“I was right.” Steve’s voice was flat, emotionless. “All those things we used to talk about? I was right bout everything. The serum is wasted on me.”

“Steve–” Tony put his head down on the table. “ _Please_.”

“All this super juice and I wasn’t fast enough to save him. Wasn’t strong enough to hold him. Wasn’t– wasn’t brave enough to jump after him. I should have jumped after him. I would have survived that fall. Bucky– Bucky couldn’t.  _Didn’t_.”

The glass bottle cracked in Steve’s hand as he held it. “Being a super soldier wasn’t enough. _I_ wasn’t enough. I knew that taking the serum meant that saying good bye to you and to Bucky would be inevitable, but I thought I would have more time. And I never thought it would be like this. Not like…not like  _this_.”

Tony was full on sobbing now, the drops tracking down his face and mixing in the dust on the table, down to the floor to be soaked up by the ruined wood.

“I know Bucky was a soldier, that he made his own decision, that I’m probably disrespecting him in some way by saying it’s my fault, taking away his glory or something but I–I–”

“I’m being selfish about this.” Tears from Steve finally, even though his expression never changed, his voice never wavered. “I should be trying to help you, trying to talk you through it but I can’t. There’s a war to be fought still and I should be out there with my men, but I  _can’t_. I can’t stop thinking about him, I can’t stop seeing him fall, I  _can’t_ –”

Silence, awful and  _final_ and the worst sound Tony had ever heard and it seemed to get louder the longer they sat until it was hurting Tony’s ears, settling around his shoulders and stealing his breath until he wanted to scream just to break through it.

But he couldn’t scream.

He couldn’t even move.

Knowing this part of the story did nothing to distract from how badly it  _hurt_. Tony had known that morning, woke up and checked the date on the calendar and put his head in his hands and told himself not to cry, that he had to be strong for Steve, trying to talk himself out of collapsing because he had  _known_ what was going to happen all this time, and he should be prepared for it.

It hadn’t worked then and it wasn’t working now, so Tony wrapped his arms around himself and cried until he was hoarse.

Steve sat ram rod straight in his chair, tearing the top off another bottle and filling his glass over and over and over until that one was empty, and then another one was empty, and another one after that.

When Peggy found them, Tony got to his feet and stumbled out the door to give them some privacy, heading for his hotel room, thinking maybe a shower would help, maybe a bath would help, maybe some food, maybe something to drink, maybe– maybe—

_Maybe if I fall asleep I’ll wake up in my own time and this was all some terrible fucking dream._

But it wasn’t a dream, and Tony couldn’t sleep anyway, so he was wide awake when his door opened hours later and Steve walked through it, crossing the room silently to collapse onto the bed next to him.

They reached for each other at the same time, Steve spooning up behind Tony and holding him tight enough to hurt, Tony gathering the blankets over them and trying to disappear into the darkness.

And then Steve, the words so painful, so  _raw_ that Tony started crying all over again, “Even when I had nothing, I had Bucky. What am I supposed to do now?” 

It was the last thing Steve said all night, and when Tony woke up the next morning, Steve was gone.

On the table was one of the old USO posters, and scrawled on the back:

_Tony,_

_I’m sorry I couldn’t bring Bucky back for you, but I promised him if anything ever happened that I would look out for you._

_I’m going to keep that promise, but first I have to finish this, have to finish the mission that he and I started._

_I’ll be back when it’s all over ~~and somehow we will figure it out.~~_

_I’m sorry, Tony._

_~~Steve~~ _

_Spangles_

“Damn it, Steve.” Tony crumpled up the poster and sank to the floor, pounding his fist against the wall. “No. No. No. I hate this part of the story.”

_I hate this part of the story._


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...This chapter isn't as bad as the last one. 
> 
> I think?

Steve was  _different_ after Bucky fell and even though no one wanted to say anything about it, everyone noticed. **  
**

He never smiled anymore, his usual easy banter with the other Commando’s nearly erased, nothing said but short commands and rare approval during missions, and once the mission was over, not even that.

He seemed a little less human every day, his back straighter, his voice steadier, his eyes never changing from a cold blue, even his stride changed into something that was almost a march even if he was off duty, never relaxing enough to simply walk.

And that was the worst thing– Steve was never  _off duty._

The Howling Commandos came home from a mission, and Steve was still in his uniform, his shield by his side, poring over maps and reports and surveillance photos to plan the next one. An obsession with a perfect mission, blowing up over the tiniest mistake– Dugan almost lost his head after a misstep alerted HYDRA goons to the Commando’s position, and Steve had been furious,  _furious_ , blasting Dugan for being careless, for potentially endangering the lives of the rest of the team.

He trained relentlessly, pushing himself harder, faster,  _farther_ until he was out running the jeeps as they raced down the road, clearing walls that stood almost fifteen feet high, throwing his shield over and over and  _over_ until he had his timing perfect, until he knew exactly how much strength was needed, the physics behind the movements, the angles that would bring it rebounding to his hand.

He never stopped, he never wavered, he never faltered, and while every man on the base applauded his dedication, the generals puffing at their cigars and bragging about the American Super soldier, the women swooning at his feet as he packed on even more muscle and weight–

–Tony watched from the sidelines and felt his heart break just a little more every day.

 _This_ was the man that had inspired the comics, the movies, the parades. The Captain America from Howard’s stories, the peak physical fitness, the All American Man, the iron will and the stubborn patriot that had almost single handedly brought the war to a close.

 _This_ was the Steve Tony had grown up hearing stories about, and  _this_ was the Steve that they had pulled from ice.  _This_ was the Steve Tony had never measured up to, the same Steve that had told Tony he knew men worth  _ten times_  what Tony was worth.

 _Tony’s_ Steve, the one who had held his hand the night before he got the serum, who had nightly ice cream dates, who had laughed and cried and joked and called Tony his best friend– that Steve was gone.

They didn’t talk, even if Steve passed him in the hallway, nothing more than a terse nod and the barest bit of eye contact before Steve kept right on going. Tony left his dorm room unlocked every night just in case, but Steve never came by. Peggy came to Tony only once, knocking on his door and asking quietly if he had talked to Steve, because she hadn’t seen him outside of a debriefing in weeks. 

Tony had shaken his head, Peggy had touched her hair anxiously before straightening up with a polite smile and turning on her heel to leave.

Every day after that, Peggy was even more put together than she had ever been, her words clipped, her manner stiff, lipstick perfectly applied, clothes pressed and neat.

She was armored to the hilt, and if Tony hadn’t hated it so much, he would have been impressed.

********************

********************

“Tony.” For the first time in almost a month, Tony’s dorm room door opened in the middle of the night and Steve stepped through it. “Are you awake?”

“Steve?” Tony sat up, rubbing at his eyes and fumbling for a lamp. “What are you doing here?”

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Yeah, yeah of course.” He scooted over in the bed, patting the spot beside him, but Steve shook his head and leaned against the table, putting a bag down as he did and Tony felt foolish for offering.

Of course Steve didn’t want to climb in bed with him.  _Stupid_.

“I wanted to apologize.” Steve was looking at the floor, his arms folded tightly. “In the weeks since Bucky fell, I haven’t been present at all with you. I left you that note and–”

“No, Steve, It’s fine I–”

“ _Let me finish_.” Barked in a captain’s tone and when Tony’s mouth snapped shut, Steve grimaced. “Damn it, now I have to apologize for that, too. Just do me a favor and listen, alright?”

“Well if you’re going to snap at me like I’m one of your soldiers, at least let me put a shirt on.” Pointedly ignoring Steve’s peeved expression, Tony clambered out of bed and over to his closet, shrugging into a shirt and snatching a pair of socks. “Alright, I’m not in my unmentionables, so you can keep talking.”

Steve didn’t even blink and Tony whistled softly. “Tough crowd. Come on, Steve. You know I make terrible jokes when I’m uncomfortable.”

“Right. Because I make you uncomfortable now.” Steve nodded, his jaw set angrily. “That’s fair.”

“That’s not what I was saying, Steve.” Tony ran his hand through his hair and blew out a deep breath. “Alright. What’s up?”

“I wanted to apologize for not being here for you.” He started again. “I can’t seem to get my mind right, and without Bucky to help me deal, I just–” his throat jerked as he swallowed. “Tony, I’m lost without him. I know you’re lost too, and I’m not trying to downplay what you had with him, but I’m  _lost_ Tony. Don’t even know which way I’m going most days. And I’m sorry that I’ve left you alone.”

“And Peggy.” Tony said flatly. “You left  _Peggy_ too.”

“I made up with Peggy before I came here.” Steve kicked at the carpet self consciously. “She slapped me and I deserved it, but I promised her I was going to try harder, and she promised to be patient.”

“And now you’re asking  _me_ to be patient?”

“No.” Steve shook his head. “No, I’m not asking you to be patient. I’m not even asking you to understand. I’m asking you—“

“Asking me what?” Tony threw his hands in the air, his anger and hurt getting the better of him. “What are you doing here, Steve? Earlier you passed me in the hallway and didn’t even look at me and now you’re in my room at for-fucks-sake o clock and not saying anything! What do you want!”

Steve stared at him, dark blue eyes pained, jaw clenched right but Tony ignored it. “This has been the worst few weeks of my life, Steve. I lost Bucky, and it sure as hell seems like I lost you too and now you’re gone all the time getting reckless and crazy and—!”

Tony stopped talking when Steve reached into the bag and pulled out a carton of ice cream.

“Um,  _what_?”

“I thought we could eat some ice cream.” Steve held up two spoons. “For old times sake.”

“Steve this isn’t going to fix anything.” 

“I know.” Steve offered him one of the spoons. “But maybe we could try it anyway.”

***************

They ended up on Tony’s bed sitting shoulder to shoulder, taking big bites of Rocky Road so they didn’t have to talk, letting the silence stretch thick between them.

It wasn’t until his spoon scraped the bottom of the carton that Steve finally shifted and sighed, ready to talk again.

“I’m so tired of fighting, Tony. All I ever wanted to do was be a soldier, and now all I want to do is go back to Brooklyn and sleep in our shitty apartment. Life was a lot simpler back then, you know?”

“Bucky told me that he didn’t want you to be a soldier.” Tony licked his spoon clean and set it aside. “Not because he didn’t think you could do it, but because he thought it would ruin you.”

“He was right.” Steve’s head thumped back against the head board. “I feel pretty ruined these days.”

“You loved him.”

“Course I did.”

“No, I mean,” Tony sat back too, hands clasped awkwardly in his lap because he didn’t know if he could hold Steve’s. “I mean you loved him like I did.”

“No.” Steve said automatically, and then just as quickly, “I don’t know. I never had to think about it. He was my best friend and I thought that we’d always be together. Didn’t seem like I was gonna find a dame and settle down at all, and with him liking—“ a vague gesture. “I don’t know, Tony. I guess I planned on spending my life with him but I—“

He stopped talking, brow furrowing in frustration. “Maybe I did love him different than what I thought.” Quieter, “I guess we’ll never know.”

“I’m still here, Steve.” Tony started to reach for Steve’s hand and stopped himself again. “And so is Peggy, you know? Don’t— don’t shut me out and  _really_ don’t shut her out. You can’t tell a girl you love her and then walk away because you’re hurting. Isn’t fair to her.”

“Sounds like you’ve done that before.”

“Once or twice.” Tony admitted, remembering one or two or a  _dozen_ different times he had pushed Pepper away. “It never turned out well for me. You don’t want to lose Peggy, Steve. And I know she doesn’t want to lose you, so you really need to try and—“

“I miss you, Tony.” Steve laced their fingers together, pressing at Tony’s palm lightly. “i miss you.”

“I– I miss you too, Steve.” 

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Steve kept looking down at their hands. “I know it won’t fix anything or change anything, but can I stay anyway?” 

“…yeah. Of course you can.”

*****************

In the morning Steve was gone, and the next time Tony saw him was almost a week later when he came back from a mission battered and bloody and too exhausted to even stand upright.

He brushed off the medical care though, and met Tony’s eyes for a brief second before heading towards the Colonel’s quarters for a report.

As the days went on, stretching into weeks, and Steve was around less and less, their night of ice cream and sharing a bed seeming more and more like a distant memory.

Tony found himself mourning not only for Bucky, but also for his Aunt, and in a secret part of his soul, he mourned the loss of  _Steve_ as well.

Tony thought he knew all the pieces to this story.

But no one had ever told him that  _Steve_ had been gone long before  _Captain America_  had put the plane in the ice.

********************

********************

“ _This is Captain Rogers. Do you read me_?”

Tony folded his arms tightly across his chest so he wouldn’t react when Steve’s voice came across the comms, scratchy and tinny, and despite everything, so wonderful to hear.

“Steve.” Peggy shoved Jim Morita out of that way to get to the console. “Are you alright? What happened? What about Schmidt?”

“ _Peggy_.” A pause. “ _Schmidt’s dead_.”

“And–and the plane?” Peggy was chewing at her fingernail, the mic close to her mouth. “Steve, what about the plane?”

“ _That’s– that’s a little harder to explain. I’m still in the plane, still over the water_.”

“Um, that’s not an issue.” Peggy snapped her fingers, demanding a map. “Tell me your coordinates and I’ll get you the nearest safe place to land.”

“ _There’s not going to be a safe landing this time_.” Tony covered his mouth with his hand so no one would see that he was mouthing the words he knew so well. He had heard this old recording more times than he could count, and knew all the words by heart.  _“I’m going to try and force her down.”_

“Wait wait wait.” Peggy closed her eyes to try and gather herself. “I’ll ask Howard, he will know what to do, or how you can get the plane down. Give me a moment and I’ll patch him in and—”

“ _It’s heading for New York_.” Steve interrupted, and everyone in the room started murmuring anxiously. “T _here isn’t time to re-route, It’s moving too fast. Peggy, I’m going to have to put her in the water._ ”

“No.” Peggy bit her lip to stop herself from crying out. “No, Steve. Don’t do it, we still have time, please don’t do this. Give me a little more time to figure out–”

“ _I’m in the middle of nowhere_.” Steve sounded resigned, resigned and  _ready_ and Tony hated it. He hated every syllable of it, hated that Steve was so tired of the fight that he was ready to end it all with himself on board. “ _If I wait any longer, a lot of people are going to die and I can’t let that happen_.”

Peggy tried to say something, Tony watched her struggle to find the words, but when nothing came, she put both her hands in her face to hide her tears.

“ _Peggy_?”

“I’m here. I’m– I’m here.”

“ _I know I told you I’d take you to the Stork Club for the Spring Dance_.” The comms were getting scratchier, Steve’s voice getting harder to understand. “ _Can you give me a rain check?”_

“You told me that so long ago, I thought you’d forgotten.” Peggy wiped at her eyes, and Tony stepped forward to give her a handkerchief, putting his hands on the back of the chair to try and steady himself, to keep from snatching the mic and demanding Steve’s coordinates because they had never known them, had never known  _exactly_ where the plane went down and if they knew them now then maybe he could find Steve sooner, maybe he could–

“ _I’d never forget to take my best girl dancing_.” There, he sounded like the old Steve then, like he was smiling, like he was  _happy_ and this close to the end, this close to saying good-bye it was… awful.

It was  _awful_.

“Well then.” Peggy tried her hardest to keep her voice steady. “I expect you to be there next Saturday. Eight o’clock on the dot and don’t you dare be late, do you understand? Don’t you dare.”

“ _You’re still going to have to show me how to dance_.” His voice was quieter now, farther away. “ _I never learned, remember?_ ”

“I’ll show you, just be there.”

“ _I know how to slow dance though_.” They could barely understand him through the static. “ _Maybe the band will start out playing something slow so I don’t step on you–”_

Tony cursed under his breath when the comms cut out completely, nothing but static filling the speakers and he hung his head when Peggy whispered, “Steve? ….Steve?”

The room emptied slowly, one person after the other filing out to spread the news that the Captain had gone, and eventually it was just Peggy at the console, one hand still holding the mic, the other clasped in both of Tony’s, both of them staring at the screen that had gone dark, the blip that had been the  _Valkyrie_ lost somewhere in the seas.

“He wrote me letters, did you know?” Peggy spoke first, and Tony squeezed her hand tight. “Starting when he was touring with the USO. Every new city the show went to, he wrote me, and once he was officially commissioned, he began writing me between missions.”

“I didn’t know that.”

“They’re terrible.” She laughed a little, her breath catching at the end. “He was terribly awkward when they first started and I’d still say romance isn’t his forte, but I loved them anyway. I loved him anyway.”

“Peggy.” Tony hurt to his bones, to his very  _soul_ , feeling the tremble in his Aunt’s fingers. “I’m sorry.”

“I never wrote him back.” She continued. “Not once. At first, I didn’t because I thought he was simply writing because he was bored with the tour and I assumed he had plenty of female company to keep him distracted. And then once he started fighting, I never wrote him back because I wanted to talk face to face. No use scribbling our feelings down for anyone to stumble across, hm?”

“But then.” Peggy ran her thumb over the mic sadly. “Then we had so much less time than I thought we would have, and now I have stacks of letters that I never replied to, and even if I wanted to write him back now, I can’t. I  _can’t_.”

“Peggy–”

“Right then.” Peggy let go of Tony’s hand and stood to her feet, brushing the wrinkles from her uniform and straightening her hair. “There is still a war to win and crying never helped solve a problem so–”

“Hey.” Tony grabbed her hand and pulled her back, brushing the back of his hand over her cheek to catch the tears. “Cut that out, alright? Crying might never helped solve a problem, but a few tears won’t ruin the day either, will they?”

“My mother used to say that.” Peggy’s eyes filled again and Tony wrapped his arms around her to hold her close. “A few tears won’t ruin the day.”

“My Aunt used to say it too.” he whispered “And I think today it’s  _especially_ true.”

Peggy cried for a long time in his arms, sobbing into his shoulder, wailing over how  _unfair_ it all was.

Tony held her until she was done, running his hands up and down her back, hiding his own tears in her hair.

When she finally left, empty and exhausted, Tony took one last look around the control room, crossing to look down at the empty screens, at the pin mark in the map that was an estimate of Steve and the  _Valkyries_ last confirmed position.

“Bye Spangles.” He tapped the mic a few times. “I sure hope I’m around to see you come home.”

And then he left, shutting the door firmly behind him.

 _This part of the story was over_.

*******************

*******************

“Peggy says you’re going back to New York.” Howard barely looked up when Tony slumped into a chair in the lab. “You’re from Manhattan?”

“Brooklyn.” Tony corrected with a listless smile. “Steve and Buck and I lived together in Brooklyn.”

“Right, right.” Howard made a note on whatever he was working on. “You told me that once or twice, right?”

“At least a dozen times.”

“Right, right. I’m not real good at remembering things I don’t care about.”

Tony smiled a little bigger. Things had been  _awful_ since Steve had disappeared, but at least he could always count on Howard being an asshole.

“You seem like you’re coping alright.” Howard grabbed a ruler and drew a line on his chart. “Losing both your friends like that. You and Agent Carter must be made of steel. Haven’t even seen her shed a tear, and you’re just moody.”

“I’m coping alright.” Tony folded his arms on the table and rested his chin on them. “Feel numb mostly, can’t really explain it.”

“Well, I cope with scotch.” Howard said flippantly but not unkindly. “And if you’re so inclined, there’s a bottle in my desk.”

 _Tempting_.

“I’m fine, but thank you.” Tony sent a curious look at Howard’s table. “What are you working on?”

“Same thing I’ve been working on for a week.” Howard drew another line. “Trying to pin point where Cap put the plane down.”

“What?” Tony pushed away from the table and came around to take a closer look. “You have his coordinates? A surveillance photo? What are you working with?”

“Not a whole lot.” This close, Tony was struck by how tired Howard looked, the bags under his eyes, the stress lines on his brow. “But based on the information our plants in the HYDRA facility gave us, I figured out an approximation of how big the engines on the  _Valkyrie_ were, how much speed they could give us, and we knew the general direction Steve was headed. Given the amount of time Steve was in the air and the range of our comms—“

“You can figure out an area where he might have gone down.” Tony finished. “Brilliant. How big of an area do you have it dialed down to?”

“There’s so many variables.” Howard shook his head, planting his hands on the map. “The best I can figure we are looking at an area of about a hundred and fifty square miles. And as if that isn’t difficult enough—“

“Our radar doesn’t work that far north, and the ice is shifting.”

“That’s exactly right.” Howard drew a big circle around the marked off area. “We would have to be outright  _lucky_ to find him before he freezes.”

“It’s been a week.” Tony said softly. “We’ve missed our chance.”

“No we haven’t.” Howard replied stubbornly. “With that serum pumping through his veins, Cap could survive for two weeks before his body starts shutting down, and even then his healing factor—or metabolism or whatever you want to call it— will force him into something of a stasis for a while before we lose him.”

“Two weeks.” Tony shut his eyes right, his stomach clenching at the thought of Steve trapped in the ice for two weeks— hungry and cold and awake and  _aware_ of everything. “Jesus Christ.”

“We’ll find him.” Howard said, the words much more confident than his expression. “Just wait. He’ll come out if that ice fresh as a daisy, you’ll see.”

“Right. Sure he will.”

“I owe it to him.” Quieter, Howard glancing over at the picture of the Commandos that hung on the wall. “It’s my fault he didn’t have a team of super soldiers behind him to help, otherwise he wouldn’t have had to do something so foolhardy.”

“Sorry, what?” Tony asked incredulously. “How is that  _your_ fault?”

“I was tasked with synthesizing another version of the formula from Caps blood after we lost all the vials in the explosion?” Tony nodded when Howard paused. He remembered that day  _vividly_. “And I worked on it for a long time. Ideally, all those Commandos would have been super soldiers, every last one of them. Sergeant Barnes wouldn’t have fallen, Cap would have had a team of men just as powerful as him to help crash that base, which means they could prevented the  _Valkyrie_ from even getting off the ground.”

“I didn’t know that.” Tony swallowed uncomfortably. “Why didn’t you— why didn’t you finish your work? It could have changed everything.”

“I stopped working on it because—“ Howard shook his head and grabbed the scotch from his desk drawer. “The United States Government approached me to work on a special project, code name  _Manhattan_.”

 _Oh shit_. Shock washed through Tony’s system. He had known of course, that his father had been tapped to work on Project Manhattan but—

“People over here forget that we’re fighting a war in the West, too.” Howard continued, pouring himself a hefty serving of the liquor. “And my attention was divided, the Commandos were doing so well without the serum, I let the soldier program fail while I was working on the other and now—“ a long drink, nearly draining the glass. “—now Steve’s gone. I helped turn him into Captain America and I helped doom him too.”

Tony just kept staring, his mouth wide open, and Howard smiled sadly. “I have to find him, Tony. I don’t want this to be my legacy. I don’t want history to remember me as the man who lost Captain America and the man who built—“ he stopped before he mentioned anything telling about Project Manhattan, but Tony knew what he was going to say.

Howard Stark didn’t want to go down in history as the man responsible for Captain America and the man who perfected weapons of mass destruction.

“That’s not how history will remember you.” He said thickly, awkwardly, not sure how to comfort his dad, not sure how re assure him without giving anything away. “You won’t be the man who lost Captain America.”

“You’re right.” Howard went back to his map. “I’m going to be the man who  _found_ him.

Tony watched him work for a few minutes, stunned by the vulnerability from a man who had been nothing less than solid growing up.  _Starks are made of iron_ Howard had always said, but right now he was was nearly distraught, a tremble in his hand as he marked off another part of the map.

Steve disappearing hadn’t just changed the course of the war, it had changed the course of Howard Stark’s  _life_.

“And if you never find him?” Tony wet his lips before asking. “What then?”

“As it turns out, I’m better at designing weapons than I am flying cars.” Howard said with a shrug that was probably meant to be careless, but only came across as pained. “And if there’s one thing you can always count on in this world, it’s war. I’m fairly confident that I won’t ever be hurting for a paycheck, that’s for sure.”

“You’ll be happy doing that? Designing weapons?”

“As long as they end up in the hands of the good guys.” Howard said off handedly. “Protecting America and her interests at home and abroad, right? Some one has to make them, and it might as well be me.”

“Might as well be you.” Tony repeated. “Right.”

“You need a job, Tony?” Howard moved to pin the map up on the wall. “You’re a half decent mechanic, and I could use a partner. How do you feel about technology?”

“I’ve been known to dabble.” Tony raised an eyebrow. “You want me to work for you?”

“I  _want_ you to get a hair cut.” Howard corrected, eyeing Tony’s longish hair disdainfully. It had started to curl around his ears now that he didn’t wear as much gel in it. “But after the war’s over, if you want a job just give me a call. You worked with the Commando’s, that’s enough of a resume for me.”

“Thanks for the offer.” Genuinely surprised, Tony smiled at him. “I’ll keep it in mind.”

“Safe travels back to Brooklyn.” Howard stuck his hand out for Tony to shake. “I’d say it’s been a pleasure working with you, but I hate to lie so–”

“Fuck you, Howard.” Tony replied calmly, and Howard’s surprised laughter followed him all the way out the door.

Peggy was waiting by his dorm room when Tony came down the hallway, and he slowed his steps curiously. “Peggy. Everything alright?”

“I am supposed to leave tonight.” she said with a smile that was a little too forced, eyes a little too bright. “And I heard you were on a flight back to Brooklyn tomorrow afternoon, so I wanted to be sure I could say good bye.”

“Oh.” His heart in his throat, Tony bent down and hugged her tight for a long time. “Be safe, yeah? War’s not over yet and Steve isn’t around to keep you out of trouble so–”

“To keep me out of trouble.” Peggy sounded sad as she pulled away. “Mr. Carbonell what kind of trouble do you think I get into, exactly?”

“I wouldn’t know, Agent Carter.” he returned and she stood on her toes to kiss his cheek.

“Did Howard offer you a job?”

“He did.” Tony hesitated. “But making weapons–”

“I understand.” she interrupted. “I thought that wouldn’t quite be your area, but he seems to think you would have have a knack for it. If you are looking for work, or just want a change from Brooklyn now that–” she cleared her throat carefully. “Now that your sergeant and Captain Rogers are no longer with us, you may call my field office as well. Colonel Phillips and I have been working very closely together to start a new sort of…  _agency_ , if you will. You would fit in perfectly.”

“Thank you, Peggy.” Tony hugged her again. “Where are you headed tonight?”

“Somewhere classified, darling.” Peggy touched his cheek lightly. “Take care of yourself, Tony. It’s been a pleasure.”

Tony watched her walk away before he stepped into his room, wanting to smile over having just been offered a job both at the soon-to-be Stark industries, and the agency that would be the building blocks of SHIELD.

But he couldn’t smile, not when he was packing up his clothing, not when he was throwing away the last of the Rocky Road ice cream from his fridge. There was a shirt that Bucky had left the last time they had spent the night in the room, and Tony tucked it into the bottom of his suitcase. The snap shots from the photo booth were next, folded into his socks, Tony blinking away tears so they wouldn’t stain the pictures.

It took a depressingly few minutes to put his entire life into a suitcase and park it by the door so it would be ready in the morning, and then Tony stretched out on his bunk and stared up at the ceiling.

_What the hell was he supposed to do now?_


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter after this!

Walking up the flights of stairs to the apartment in Brooklyn was– **  
**

– well _surreal_ wasn’t even the right word for it.

Tony didn’t know how he felt as he ran his hand up the worn banister, avoided the questionable stains on the third step after the second landing. The lights still flickered, half the apartments still didn’t have numbers– it looked the same as it had the first time Bucky and Steve had brought Tony to the apartment, and it looked the same as it had every time he and Steve had returned after Bucky had deployed. Nothing had changed since the last time Tony had locked up as Steve carried their bags down the stairs before the USO show headed out for Europe.

The landlord was mumbling something about how he hadn’t been sure that Tony and ‘ _that tiny blonde_ ’ would ever come back it had been so long, but since the rent check came every month, he kept all their mail for them and didn’t rent out the apartment, and of course Tony was welcome to stay as long as he wanted, but Tony wasn’t listening.

He barely managed a smile, barely managed to shake the man’s hand, taking the box of mail that had been held for them and pushing open the door to the apartment.

Nothing had changed in here either– four spindly chairs set around the crooked table, a postage stamp sized bathroom, the bedroom doors open to show the twin sized beds and small dressers inside.

Nothing had changed.

_Nothing except Tony._

The flight from England had taken all damn day, and Tony was exhausted- physically, mentally, emotionally wiped, and when he slumped onto Bucky’s bed a pile of dust  _poofed_ around him and now on top of everything he was  _sneezing_.

 _Wonderful_.

It was hard to be here, to be puttering around the kitchen making a meager dinner from the few items he had gotten at the market. It was hard to sit at the table alone, staring at the empty chairs as he sipped at his water. It was hard to turn the radio on and fill the space with music, when it was supposed to be filled with voices and laughter.

A shower in the tiny bathroom, Tony banging his head on the shower nozzle, his knee on the toilet as he tried to get out, grimacing over the scratchy towels as he tried to dry his hair.

The couch was as uncomfortable as he remembered, but it was less dusty than the bed and honestly, Tony didn’t know if he could handle sleeping in either of the beds. Not Bucky’s because it made him sick to know that Bucky wouldn’t ever sleep there again. Not Steve’s because Steve might not be gone like Bucky was, but he was still gone  _for now_  and it hurt Tony to his core.

No, he couldn’t sleep in Steve’s bed and he couldn’t sleep in Bucky’s bed, so if he was going to get any sleep at all, it would have to be on the couch.

“Just like old times.” Tony spoke out loud as he dusted the couch off just for the sake of hearing something in the apartment. “For such a tiny space, it sure if lonely in here, you know? I guess I should get used to it, I’ll be staying here for the foreseeable future, huh?”

Of course, the couch didn’t talk back, and neither did the kitchen when Tony made himself a late night pot of coffee, and neither did the ceiling when he stared up at it for hours, counting the cracks and humming along to the radio and talking about how different Brooklyn was from the base in London.

Tony talked to himself, to the  _air_ , for hours, trying to distract himself from how empty everything was.

Not just the empty apartment, not just the empty bed, but the empty that had settled somewhere in his heart, weeks of grieving replaced by a coldness that he couldn’t quite shake, a heavy pressure that reminded him of the arc reactor, and he held an extra pillow to his chest to try and counter it.

There was a rushing in his ears, a low buzz as if he was listening to water, or the wind, like the noise he used to hear in the background when he flew his suit, and it was giving him a head ache.

He was empty and  _cold_ and his head hurt.

“Maybe I’ll go to California.” Tony told a particularly sketchy crack in the plaster. “Sunshine, beaches, pretty girls. The hippie movement should be happening soon, I could get on board with that. Dad always said I walked around like I wanted a flower crown and a tie-dye shirt. Could be fun.”

Silence, of course, nothing more than the creak of the building settling around him as an answer to his little monologue.

“I don’t know what to do.” Tony finally admitted, hours after it had gone dark and the stars had come out. “I knew what was going to happen the entire time I’ve been here, or at least the big things, right? Sure didn’t expect to fall in love. Didn’t expect to laugh with my dad or dance with my Aunt Peggy, and  _definitely_ didn’t expect to actually like Steve, much less to miss him this much.”

He waited a second– for what? No one was listening– before adding, “I have plenty of money at least to get started, technically I am still Steve’s financial manager so I can cash all of his checks. But I think this is the first time  in my life something hasn’t been planned out for me.”

Another second, and Tony whispered, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know this part of the story.”

The rushing in his ears was getting louder, and Tony closed his eyes against it, rolling over on the terrible couch and trying to get comfortable.

He didn’t know this part of the story, and he didn’t know where to start figuring it out.

**************

**************

There was a knock on the apartment door late the next afternoon, and Tony stopped mid bite into an apple to open it, having no idea who on earth would even knew that he was there, much less would want be stopping by to  _talk_ to him.

“Hello?” he asked, eyeing the two women in front of him curiously. “Can I help you?”

“Oh, I must have the wrong apartment.” The older woman fussed, digging for a scrap of paper in her purse. “The land lord assured me that he lived in Apartment thirty-eight, and I thought–”

“This is apartment thirty-eight.” Tony interrupted. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, I’m so frazzled.” She pulled a hankie out and dabbed at her eyes. “Forgive me, young man, let me start again. My son, James Barnes lived here with Steven Rogers and I am here to collect his things. I didn’t know someone was already living here though, the landlord told me that it was empty. So sorry to intrude, but if you wouldn’t mind–”

“You’re Bucky’s mom?” Tony whispered, and two pairs of brilliantly familiar blue eyes blinked up at him. “Oh my god, you’re Bucky’s  _mom_.”

“Well yes. I’m Winnie Barnes, and this is my eldest daughter Rebecca.” Winnie motioned to the girl standing next to her. “And you are–?”

“I’m Tony. Um, Carbonell. Bucky and I were–” he coughed politely. “I mean, I lived here with them for a short time. With Steve and Bucky before they shipped out.”

“Ma.” Rebecca started smiling, tapping at Winnie’s arm. “Ma, this is Buck’s sweetheart, the one from California, right?” she raised her eyebrows at Tony. “Right? The one they met in an alley?”

“Uh–”

Tony  _oophed_ as he was suddenly tackled by the tiny and yet surprisingly strong Winifred Barnes, who wrapped both arms around him and yanked him into a hug.

“You’re the one James was in love with, I never thought I’d get to meet you.” A big smooch on Tony’s cheek and Winnie took his hand. “He wrote home about you all the time and oh my he just loved you so much and–”

“Inside, Ma.” Rebecca rolled her eyes and pushed her mother and Tony further into the apartment. “We can’t just yell that around, you know.”

“Bucky wrote home about  _me_?” Tony asked in disbelief, and Winnie– who had yet to let go of his hand– squeezed it comfortingly.

“Oh of course he did. Right before he shipped out he told us about the one he’d met, and whenever we would get a letter from him he would mention you.” She was smiling but it was watery, obviously forced. “I have to say, I approve of his choice. You are so handsome, no wonder he loves–” the light in her eyes dimmed even more. “No wonder he loved you.”

Winnie let go of Tony’s hand to drift through the apartment, clucking her tongue at the dust, at the size of the bathroom, peeking her head into what had been Bucky’s room and sighing shakily before stepping inside.

“We got the letter about his mission a few weeks ago.” Rebecca took her hat off and set it on the rickety kitchen table, looking around the apartment. “We took it real hard, losing our big brother like that and Ma–” a troubled look at the tiny woman. “Ma couldn’t even get outta bed for a while. Finally told her we hadta come get some of his things, and then at least we would have something to bury at the church.”

“Right.” Tony folded his arms, looking down at his feet so he wouldn’t have to see the pain in Rebecca’s eyes– and she wouldn’t see the heartbreak in his. “Something for the church.”

“Don’t seem right to put a stone there with nothin’ underneath.” she said quietly, and from Bucky’s room they heard, Winnie start to cry again. “Something needs to be there for my brother.”  

“I’m so sorry.” Tony whispered. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

“And yours.” she corrected gently. “He was your loss, too.”

“Yeah. Yeah he was.”

Silence between them, neither one sure of what to say, and they stood in the kitchen until Winnie came back, her eyes red, a hankie clutched tightly in one hand, the other one holding a few items from Bucky’s room.

“I didn’t take everything.” She said in an unsteady voice. “Just enough to fill a box. They sent me his old tags, the ones from before he joined that new team, and I have a picture of he and Steve but–”

Winnie took a deep breath, wiping tears away again. “Feels like I’ve lost two boys to this war. First James, and losing Steve is all over the papers– A mother shouldn’t have to find out like that, just isn’t right. Steve was family, too, and I–” her voice broke and Rebecca moved to hug her.

“Mr. Carbonell, if you want to come to the services next week, you’re welcome.” Rebecca said over her mother’s head. “And if you would rather not, I understand that too. We’d have to introduce you as a friend, and I would understand if you would rather not be mentioned at all than to have your relationship be lied about.”

She continued in a softer tone, “Wasn’t easy on Buck, being the way he was, not in our neighborhood, but I’m glad he found love anyway. You’re welcome in our home anytime. Anyone who loved my brother–” Tony looked away again when Rebecca started to cry. “–and anyone who loved Steve is always welcome.”

“Please come by, Mr. Carbonell.” Winnie found enough of her voice to say. “Anytime, really. I’d imagine you’re feeling as lost as we are, and James said you didn’t have any family in New York, so if you want to stay with us, there is room.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Barnes, Rebecca.” Tony struggled to speak around the lump in his throat. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

He rifled through the box of mail until he found all of Bucky’s pay checks that had been sent to their mail box. “Here. These are Bucky’s um– his pay when he was overseas. I don’t mean to seem callous but it–it should help with things, right?”

Winnie didn’t manage a thank you over her tears, but Rebecca mouthed one as she led her mother out the door, shutting it tight behind her, and just like that, Tony was alone again.

******************

******************

The night before the funeral, Tony sat on the couch staring down at the pictures of he and Bucky from the fair.

He was leaving tomorrow right after the service, a train ticket bought that would take him out West. He had answered a few different ads in the paper, companies in California and Oregon looking for help, had wired them his information as well as the information to contact Peggy or Colonel Phillips or even Howard if they needed a reference.

He didn’t quite know what  _exactly_ he was going to do once he got out West, but he had enough money to keep him in room and board for several months, and he could figure the rest out then.

Tony just knew he couldn’t stay here.

Despite Winnie’s insistence that he stay with them, despite her invitation to every meal this week– he couldn’t stay here.

He wasn’t sleeping, unable to even close his eyes on the couch without seeing Bucky or Steve in his mind. Walking around the neighborhood only made him sad, and reading the newspapers– well they were all still printing stories about Steve being gone, and he made himself sick over them.

The migraine had gotten steadily worse, the rushing sound in his head so loud now that he couldn’t hardly hear anything else, and the ache in his chest was painful to the point of tears.

 _Broken hearted_. He decided. Broken hearted and  _depressed_ and the emotions were giving him physical symptoms, which meant he needed to change something, needed to move on.

_Nothing says moving on like moving on across the country, right?_

A fresh start in California, a chance to live in this timeline without feeling as if he was a spectator to some of the worst moments in history– it would be good for him, right?

 _Right_?

His bag was packed, the apartment was cleaned out, the keys given back to the landlord.

Tomorrow morning he would say one last good bye to it all, and by tomorrow afternoon he would be gone, New York City and Brooklyn and all the memories he had made there fading away in the distance.

Tony kissed the picture and folded it into his shirt pocket, stretching out onto the couch and forcing himself to close his eyes, to try and sleep, to make it through just one more night.

And it was  _there_ , in the unnerving quiet of an empty apartment, alone with his thoughts and his heartbreak and all the memories of a life he never expected to have–

It was  _there_ that Tony felt it all shift.

One minute he was lying on the couch, the noise in his head suddenly so loud it could be a roar, the pain in his chest suddenly spreading until he couldn’t even draw a breath, and it must have been a hallucination, but he could have  _sworn_ someone was calling for him, screaming his name, telling him to wake up.

But he didn’t wake up.

And everything tilted.

And in the next minute he was falling.

He didn’t hear his mother’s voice singing to him this time, he didn’t see flashes of his life– not this one or the one he had left in the 21st century, there was nothing but darkness, and he was falling through it.

It was dark, dark, dark, and he was falling down, down, down, the noise getting louder and louder and louder until he  _screamed_ against it, fought against it, pain radiating through him from the tips of his fingers to the top of his head, his legs heavy and weighted down, lungs burning as he gasped for air, tried to claw out of the suffocating  _black_ –

–and then there was sunlight on his face.

–and someone was whispering his name.  _Tony Tony Tony please wake up, I can’t handle watching you fall too._

– “…Steve?”


	18. Chapter 18

The sun was setting, the battle for New York over, that mouthy, witchy, demi-god locked away with some fancy Asgardian chains, the team just having finished emptying the local shawarma joint of all of their food and most of their drink, and Tony  _finally_ had a moment to himself. **  
**

He snuck away while Clint was mumbling something about wanting fancier arrows if the aliens were going to be that big, Natasha was agreeing but more along the lines of guns, Thor lifting his hammer and insisting that if only the team were worthy, they could _each_ have a Mjolnir and the next time aliens came calling–

Even Bruce had laughed then, all of them chuckling around big bites of whatever was on their plate, and while Steve was vehemently denying even wanting to consider giving up his shield, Tony slipped away to the bathroom so he could freak out without anyone else seeing it. 

He locked the door, slammed the deadbolt, moved a trash can in front of it for good measure, then dropped to the dingy floor with his head in his hands, forcing himself to breathe in and out, in and out, _in and_ –

“ _Fuck_.” Tony put a hand to his chest, taking surprising comfort in feeling the weight of the arc reactor, the cold metal against his palm. The arc reactor was  _normal_. Not the normal he thought he would be waking up to, but the normal that he had been waking up to for years before that so hey– hey that was alright.

Arc reactor was in place, and when he pulled his t shirt off in front of the mirror, there was his botched belly button ring scar, his scar from the Rhodey-sponsored-incident- that-shall-not-be- named on his side, and all of the arc reactor scars branching out from his sternum.

Facial hair was as immaculately groomed as always, the grey flecks at his temple that he hadn’t had time to dye out before the world had gone to shit, wrinkles that Pepper swore were from smiling but Tony knew were probably from the stress. .

Yeah he was  _him_ again, all forty plus years, snarky attitude and scarred up body included and Tony was– he was happy to be back. He  _was_.

Waking up on the pavement with Hulk roaring at him, Steve staring down at him, Thor hollering things about victory and Tony falling from the sky like a meteor of justice or something– Tony was happy to be back.  _Really_ he was.

Pepper would be in before sunrise and she had cried when they spoke on the phone. Tony had cried too, hearing her voice for the first time in so long, but when he had hung up, his hands were shaking and he couldn’t make them stop.

Steve wasn’t talking to him, was barely making eye contact and that wasn’t  _unusual_ really, Steve and he didn’t get along in this world– this timeline– this universe– this–

Tony slammed his fist into the mirror hard enough to make it crack.

_It had been a dream._

He needed to pull himself together.

“Stark?” Steve on the other side of the bathroom door and Tony jumped. “We’re leaving, you alright?”

“Settle down, Captain Patriot.” Tony called, hoping his voice wasn’t shaking as badly as his hands. “I’ll come when I’m good and ready and not a moment before. You can’t rush these things!”

“…Tony.” Steve gave a long-suffering sigh. “Did you  _have_ to say it like that?”

“You wouldn’t want me any other way!”

Steve groaned through the door and Tony waited until the heavy footsteps had moved away before turning back to the sink to splash some water on his face.

He was fine.

He hadn’t  _really_ gone back in time, that was crazy.

Just about as crazy as a wormhole opening above New York and a demi-god bringing an army of aliens to conquer the planet, right?

Right.

_Because that sort of thing never happens._

******************

******************

“What’s going on with Stark?”

Thor was strapping Loki into some high powered other worldly device, a muzzle over the trickster god’s mouth and really the rest of the team wasn’t doing anything besides watching, so Natasha poked Steve and asked again, “Captain. What’s going on with Stark?”

“I don’t know what you mean, he seems normal to me.” Steve folded his arms over his chest and kept watching Loki and Thor, not willing to look down and have the super spy read the  _lie_ in his eyes.

“He just seems… off. Ever since the wormhole.”

“Well, going into space will mess with a man.” Steve said blandly. “I’m sure he will be right back to his usual obnoxious self in no time.”

“You really don’t like him, do you?”

Steve didn’t answer.

He’d always been a terrible liar, and Natasha didn’t need to know how badly it had hurt to watch Tony fall, how  _scared_ he had been, how relieved he was when Tony had opened his eyes and smiled at him. 

For a minute, Tony had almost looked like he  _knew_ Steve, like he was going to open his mouth and call him _Spangles_ , but instead he had said something quippy about kissing and foreign food and Steve had looked away. 

Maybe he’d been wrong and the Tony he remembered  _wasn’t_ this Tony. 

But  _god_ , he kept hoping. 

******************

******************

The Smithsonian had been dark for hours when a figure in a hoodie and sunglasses slipped the security guard a hundred dollar bill and ducked down the way leading to the World War II hall.

Not that Tony needed to bribe the guard– the Starks donated enough money to the Smithsonian that he probably could have taken a nap in the  _Enola Gay_  and no one would have blinked. And Tony didn’t need to be incognito, but he felt better in the gas station hoodie and worn jeans, the baseball cap was Rhodey’s and the sunglasses were… well they were three hundred dollar glasses but no one could tell that in the dark.

He just wanted to be invisible for a few hours. 

It was the fourth time in ten days that Tony had gone to the Smithsonian after dark, asking if he could wander around a little bit, promising not to break anything, and swearing he would be gone before daylight. 

He always went to the same place, always to the displays that talked about the Howling Commandos, always to the walls of gear, the old uniforms.

Tony knew every word of every paragraph of every document, knew all the names and faces in every picture, and yet he said them out loud anyway, studying the pictures over and over for anything he might have missed in one of the other hundred times he had done this growing up.

Anything he might have missed… like maybe  _him_.

_Am I in the background of any of these pictures?_

Tony couldn’t shake what had happened in the wormhole. Or outside the wormhole. Between the wormhole and the ground–  _whatever_.

The time blip, his weird out of body experience, the  _memories_. It wouldn’t leave him alone.

And they weren’t even really  _memories_ right? Just vague recollections of a dream that should fade a little more every day and one day Tony would wake up and not even remember that Steve liked Rocky Road ice cream, or that Bucky’s favorite fruit was plums, or that Peggy smoked only when she drank, and she only drank when she danced.

Random information that couldn’t  _possibly_ be true because even though it had sure felt like he had been gone for ages, Tony had only fallen for a few minutes which meant that everything he thought he had experienced was fake. A dream. A hallucination. A near death experience.

The memories would fade.

He needed to stop thinking about it.

He had the Avengers to square away, a Tower to put back together, a suit to repair after Hulk had less than gracefully snatched him from the air and Thor had helped further by ripping his face plate off and tossing it away.

He needed to stop thinking about it. 

A deep breath, one last touch at his arc reactor to ground himself because  _this_ was real.  _This_ was real life, not whatever he thought had happened. It had been a hell of an experience, but it would be  _fine_. Tomorrow morning he’d wake up to Pepper in his bed and go down to his lab and pretend like nothing had happened because nothing  _had_ happened and he wasn’t crazy, he wasn’t crazy–

Tony leaned in and put his head against the display glass, breathing out shakily. 

He wasn’t crazy. It hadn’t been real.

But the strip of pictures that had fallen from his jeans pocket the other night  _were_ real, there was no denying that.

Three pictures. Tony and a man smiling, Tony and the man almost kissing, Tony and the man kissing hard enough that Tony had blushed while looking at it.

_Sergeant James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes._

Tony pulled the strip of pictures from his pocket and held it up to the full size photo of Bucky that took up an entire display stand. 

Nowhere in the biography did it mention the man Bucky loved, nowhere did it mention how much he loved the color blue, or the way his eyes lit up when he laughed or how he would tilt his head and wink right before saying something shamelessly flirty.

None of that mattered enough to make it into the Smithsonian but it  _all_ mattered to Tony, mattered enough to make his chest seize up and his eyes close tight and something like a whimper broke from his lips.

“I miss you, Bucky bear.” Tony whispered into the still air. “I don’t know what happened, or what didn’t happened, I don’t even know if I’m imagining things, maybe I’m dead, maybe I died in the wormhole and this is just another super realistic dream.  _I don’t know_. But I miss you. And it hurts so much I can barely breathe. And I– I miss Steve.”

Louder, because no one could hear him. “Do you hear that? I miss you, Spangles! How’s  _that_ for a plot twist? You can’t stand me in this timeline, and I am still stuck enough in the other one that I still–” he swallowed. “I still see you as my best friend. Fuck my life. I still love your scrappy ass, and you aren’t even the same person anymore.”

His voice echoed around the space, bouncing back to him from the corners and reminding him of how  _lonely_ he was. 

“I don’t know if any of this is real, and I don’t even know where to begin to find the answers.” Quieter now, Tony folding the pictures back up and putting them in his wallet. “And honestly, I don’t know which is worse– missing a life I can’t get back to, or losing my mind in this one.”

*****************

*****************

The next morning, Tony stumbled down into the kitchen desperate for a cup of coffee, bleary eyed and clumsy after only a few hours of sleep.

Steve was in the kitchen talking with Natasha, Clint and Bruce sharing a paper and it was just shockingly domestic for a team that had gotten together for the sole purpose of killing some aliens. 

It was domestic and peaceful and Tony was bitter enough to want to roll his eyes over the whole thing, but he was too tired to even manage that. 

Besides, rolling his eyes in Steve’s direction would mean  _acknowledging_ him and Tony was too raw from his night walking the Smithsonian, too vulnerable after admitting how much he missed  _his_ Steve, how much he missed Bucky, to deal with anything remotely close to that arena.

So he ignored everyone in the kitchen, went straight for the coffee pot and started chugging it black, determined to get at least two cups in him before he had to face another day of pretending like everything was  _fine_. 

“Are you eating Rocky Road ice cream?” Natasha’s amused question caught Tony off guard and he peeked over the rim of his cup to see what the hell she was talking about.

“What?” Steve grunted, digging for another huge spoonful of the dessert as if there was nothing remotely odd about it. “I like it, it’s my favorite flavor.”

“It’s seven in the morning.” Natasha pointed out. “I’m judging you for eating it at seven in the morning, specifically.” 

“So you would be judging me  _less_ if I was eating it in bed late at night?” Steve retorted and Tony’s eyes widened a little more. “Which is it, Widow?” 

“I think I’m just judging you for eating Rocky Road in general.” she snipped. “What are you,  _seven_? No one likes that flavor except old men, which I guess–” a shrug. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that you like it.” 

“Come off it, Nat.” Steve took a purposefully large bite just to see her grimace. “This is a great flavor. Besides, its not just old men who like Rocky Road, Tony likes it too, don’t you?”

“Um–um–” Tony didn’t know what to say, too thrown by the whole conversation to even get a whole sentence out. “I don’t– um–”

“What do you think?” Steve held out the spoon with an eyebrow raised, a curious smile on his mouth. “Want to share some ice cream with me?”

“…yes.” 

Tony didn’t see the strip of pictures that Steve pulled out of his pocket and he didn’t see the grin that crossed Steve’s face. 

He was too busy trying not to cry. 

_It was **real** , wasn’t it? _

_Good Christ, It had all been real._

********************

**{{** _The Story will Continue in **PART TWO: No Time Between Us**. Coming Soon!}}_


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